Fat Friend Syndrome (and being the DFF) - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

caliyah · 07-28-2009, 02:26 PM

I just needed to rant.

I'm tired of being the Fat Friend! the DFF (designated fat friend) BFFF (big fat friend forever) what ever you want to call it.

I swear I have had to really reflect on some of my friendships lately because I realized just how bad they were for me --especially for my self esteem. Sometimes I feel they want to take me along shopping with them because they make me feel bad about not being able to shop in all the stores they can shop at. I just had to rant. Maybe they don't do it on purpose but most of my friends have never had a weight problem and they can't seem to understand what I'm going through. Hanging out = eating out. I've been avoiding social situations lately just to try to stay on plan. It's been really hard. I'm always the fat friend that listens to everyones problems - but now I'm sick of it! I have to live my own life.

loveLauren · 07-28-2009, 02:38 PM

I've been their sweethart and it sucks. My best friend used to make me feel like absolute crap. Any chance she got, she took jabs at my weight. And she loved parading around in teeny tiny clothes. You don't want to close yourself off from going out and having fun, but cutting out the people in your life who make you feel any less than you are will make you feel so much better.

EmilySue · 07-28-2009, 03:46 PM

I so get you... The worst for me is hearing my super-skinny friends complain about how "fat" they are. Just fishing for compliments and of course all my guy friends play right into it!

So annoying.

girlonfire · 07-28-2009, 03:51 PM

I have a friend who is super-skinny(like a size 1 skinny) and she is constantly doing the "I'm so fat!" thing too! And then tells me I'm not fat. Then again, she has a very unhealthy relationship with guys and is one of those girls who entire sense of self-worth comes from being the hottest girl ever. She gets *very* upset if a guy doesn't think she's hot. Thus, she fishes for compliments constantly. Usually in front of me. I finally got so fed up with her complaining about her weight that I let my inner bee-otch fly and said "yeah, you've put on a few. trust me, i know". mean, yes. deserved? definitely.

beerab · 07-28-2009, 03:53 PM

I've heard stories of girl's losing weight then their friends say they aren't "fun" anymore and I'm like no they really mean to say you aren't FAT anymore!

Do what you have to do- IMO you can always make new friends- the good ones- the real ones- will stick around

joyinSF · 07-28-2009, 03:58 PM

peachy keen, i hate it when my skinny *** friends say "im fat. youre not" and im like 50 pounds more than them. its so freakin annoying, and sometimes i just want to smack them, but hey, its sad to think youre big when youre actually skinny. theyve got more issues in their head. we may be big, but at least we know were cute. lol

dizzysoi · 07-28-2009, 04:24 PM

I don't know why i'm friends with my friend still. When she was laying pregnant in the hospital she said, "Oh i don't feel bad, I'm still skinnier then her." She was in labour. Joy.

B****. Though I take solice in the fact that she still looks a good 3 or 4 months pregnant and very flabby because she has never worked out. I weigh 178 and wear a size 10-11, she weighs 135 and wears the same size. Tiny chicken legs and arms with a big tummy, it reminds me of a frog.

Sorry had to vent a little... guess i've been holding it in for too long.

Stella · 07-28-2009, 04:37 PM

I, too, have a skinny friend who constantly discourages me from dieting while being obsessive about her own fat intake and excercise regime. I once asked her whether she wants to swap bodies, then, and she could not make eye contact.

When I lost the first few lb (not noticeable) she commented positively (have been there before and gained it back so many times). The comments have stopped now that I`m really slimming down. She des not need to say anything, I just know that she is not pleased!

angelanicole23 · 07-28-2009, 04:59 PM

I hear you girls...but another perspective is this:

My closest girl friends are all bigger than myself..before i lost weight...so as I starting losing weight I didn't feel comfortable in sharing info about how much I lost etc and they rarely even asked.....as I started to lose more and more weight..I was then labeled and the 'skinny' friend.....Yes it was great at first but after a while it kinda irritated me that thats all they seen. Finally one night in the grocery store I seen one of them and her first words were "Hey Skinny *****" I said..."Hey....god do you need to say that EVERY TIME we see one another" in a jokingly way..it got the point across!

RachelOnADiet · 07-28-2009, 05:03 PM

I've had friends that have said "Gosh, I'm so fat!" when they aren't. My response is "Then what does that make me?" Most of my friends have never been anywhere near my size.

What's really super annoying is when they try to tell me that I'm not fat, like they're trying to spare my feelings or fix some twisted body issues they think I have. I'm not saying it for sympathy, for compliments, or for any reason other than it's just a fact. It's a fact that I can't shop in the same stores as they do because I'm bigger. Some of them can be just very dismissive of that kind of thing and seem to think that they're helping me feel better about myself or something.... Felt good to get that out

dizzysoi · 07-28-2009, 05:05 PM

I love that reply, "you're not fat, I'm the one that's fat" uh huh.

JulieJ08 · 07-28-2009, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peachykeen62

I have a friend who is super-skinny(like a size 1 skinny) and she is constantly doing the "I'm so fat!" thing too! And then tells me I'm not fat. Then again, she has a very unhealthy relationship with guys and is one of those girls who entire sense of self-worth comes from being the hottest girl ever. She gets *very* upset if a guy doesn't think she's hot. Thus, she fishes for compliments constantly. Usually in front of me. I finally got so fed up with her complaining about her weight that I let my inner bee-otch fly and said "yeah, you've put on a few. trust me, i know". mean, yes. deserved? definitely.

I don't know. It's one thing to snap at someone for one comment. But when it's over and over, I tend to think they deserve to hear, at least, "Oh, what a bummer." In other words, agreement (but not necessarily mean). If they're fishing, and doing it repeatedly, that's BS and I don't thing anyone is obligated to play that game with them. "Oh bummer," is perfectly polite. You could make a case that disagreeing is impolite

In any event, someone is unlikely to keep trying to play that game with you if you always agree with them.

Jelbb · 07-28-2009, 05:28 PM

It's unfortunate when "friends" are unhappy with your success... I've been pretty lucky in not having anyone be blatantly malicious towards my efforts, but... I have a really hard time talking to people about my weight loss right now, except on 3FC...

Two of my best girl friends are a fair bit bigger than me, so I worry when I talk about my successes they might take it as gloating... "look at me, I've lost weight and you haven't" type stuff. It discourages me from wanting to bring it up... if I do, they're supportive, but I feel like it's a bit reluctant.

And my mother, who is still smaller than me right now... has gained a bit of weight back, to the degree that it's JUST starting to show on her again... and she's having a hard time getting herself back on the wagon. She's SO supportive, but she'd much rather talk about our dinner's organic food content than talk about its calories and how much weight I've lost. I think it reminds her of her own weight issues.

And then my skinny friends, well... I don't feel like they really wanna hear me talk about my weight loss efforts, because they've seen me struggle and yo-yo diet, and I don't think any of them take the efforts seriously anymore. I've mentioned wanting to lose weight before, and I've fallen off the wagon and gained it all back, so now... they just kinda nod along and smile, "Oh, you've lost 8 lbs, good job.

" and I just feel like they're thinking, "Gee, wonder how long that'll last..."
Plus, I have my own inferiority complex with skinny friends. My friend (who is now marrying my brother, so.. I guess, my future-sister-in-law) is a model, and does shoots like this. Really... nothing makes you feel chubbier than hanging out with this chicky.

Anyhow, we just need to learn not to let our friends get us down. And for the support we need... we have 3FC.

beerab · 07-28-2009, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzysoi

I don't know why i'm friends with my friend still. When she was laying pregnant in the hospital she said, "Oh i don't feel bad, I'm still skinnier then her." She was in labour. Joy.

B****. Though I take solice in the fact that she still looks a good 3 or 4 months pregnant and very flabby because she has never worked out. I weigh 178 and wear a size 10-11, she weighs 135 and wears the same size. Tiny chicken legs and arms with a big tummy, it reminds me of a frog.

Sorry had to vent a little... guess i've been holding it in for too long.

LOL that made me laugh- a frog that's great- I do see girls like this- very thin but for some reason a big stomach- I know they aren't pregnant either! Makes me wonder if their diet is balanced.

megwini · 07-28-2009, 07:05 PM

I've never fully understood this. I've had fat friends, and I've had skinny friends, and no one seemed to give a damn what you were. The skinny ones never commented on me being fat, and it never affected our relationship, and the fat ones never much talked about it either, except sometimes wistfully talking about dieting or joining a gym, etc., because they knew I could sympathize. But our weights have never really affected our relationships.
I DID make one friend this semester that never shut up about how fat she was though, and I do admit that was annoying (she wasn't super skinny but not majorly fat... 5'6" and 155). But she was very supportive of my own weight loss at least!