I'm at a loss for words about an online dating situation! *angry*
seriously, I don't get much mail when it comes to the online dating sites I'm on, so when I see that I do, I get a little excited, like butterflies in my stomach kind of thing. Anyway, I go check my email and see I got a new mesg on the site I'm on, I go to the site to check it out and open up the mesg to see this "Is your sister availbe?" I'm like &*&^#$(*$^&#$&#^$&#^ seriously!?! ( I have a photo of myself with my brother and sister from last summer ) This is the SECOND time this has happened too. I mean, I get that my sister is an attractive person, but I"m on there for ME, not her ( not to mention that she is married ) I mean how dare someoen ask about someone else. I can't even imagine clicking on someones profile and then asking if their friend or sibling was avialable to date. Way to make someone feel like utter crap dude. Thanks it was just what I needed today.
/vent over, thanks for letting me have an outlet for it.
If you translate his comment "is your sister available" from Douchelish to English, what he is saying is "I am a complete A$$H*(&, so immediately delete my name. And don't respond to this message, because I'll have to respond back in Douchelish, and it won't be pretty..."
I've become quite fluent in Douchelish over the years. This is just one more example and it has nothing NOTHING to do with you...
One thing to remember in online dating, is that some people are there because they are completely socially clueless. They don't have the social skills to have a prayer of connecting with people "in person."
In a real-life situation, you would feel more pity than offense, because it would be pretty obvious that the person wasn't firing on all cylinders.
I worked with a guy with Asperger's syndrome (a high functioning autism) and he would say the craziest things, because he didn't realize it was inappropriate to do so. I admit that our group would try to sneak out at lunch so that we wouldn't have to invite him (literally, we had a pre-arranged signal that he had gone to the bathroom, so we all could leave quickly and quietly while he was in the john). Eventually, he did become part of the group (sort of), but unless he meets someone as socially clueless online, his dating options aren't really very good.
I'm not saying that you have to assume someone is an idiot, not just a jerk - but sometimes pity feels a bit better than rage (though I wouldn't set him up with your sister, unless you really hate her).
Hey, you can AT LEAST recognize that the OPs feelings were hurt. And there are alot of jerks around. And the OP is venting this because she was hurt. She didn't fire back a nasty email or message.
IMHO, if it looks like a duck (or douche, in this case), and talks like a duck and acts like a duck, it actually IS a duck 99 times out of 100, and not a wayward goose who was raised in a mixed marriage home whose mother was really its auntie who was a heron who dressed like a duck and had alcohol issues and mathematics disorder and episodic explosive rage personality disorder directed at geese and dressed the little one up as a duck so it THINKS it is a duck and maybe we should put the goose/duck in therapy or give it species reassignment surgery so the fact that it crapped on my lawn is absolutely OK and we should be all forgiving of its bad behaviour because we just don't UNDERSTAND about the poor little goose/duck...
We as a society spend an awful lot of effort excusing the bad behavior of others these days, no? And it is amazing how many people will say things online that they would never say in real life because of the anonimity of the internet. This is very likely one of these cases.
I wasn't criticizing the OP at all - just pointing out that there are a lot of people out there with a screw or two loose. They may be idiots, they may be jerks, and they may be both. Either way, it's a waste of time to feel hurt and angry, over something that isn't worth feeling hurt and angry over (unless you really love being angry, then enjoy).
I think that rage may be "justified," but justified rage doesn't feel any better than unjustified rage.
When I see someone do or say something stupid (even when it's me), I laugh (if I think it's not intentional, I try to do it gently, or behind their back). When I see someone being intentionally nasty, I used to get angry, until I discovered that jerks hate being laughed at, now I laugh at that too. I just like laughing more than being angry, so assuming someone is stupid is a lot more fun for me, than assumiming they're nasty. In essense, laughter is always the best response, because if they weren not intending to be a jackass they get a little embarassed, and if athey have any integrity at ally, they'll laught at themselves an get the point - if they were intending it to be nasty, laughing at them hurts them alot more than rage (then they think you're just over-reacting).
Rage often hurts the rager as much, or more than the person who is the target. Why give someone that kind of power over your life? If you like feeling rage, then by all means enjoy, but personally I like laughing a lot better than feeling hurt and angry, so that's how I choose to respond. When I laugh AT someone trying to hurt me, I have the power. When I rage, they do.
I used to get angry a lot, and it didn't do me a speck of good - it just ate at my insides (and the jerks just laughed at me if they noticed, because it proved that they had the power, not me). I was always worried about what other people were going to think or say about me. Now I know that when someone does something mean or horrible to me, they are sad, pitifiul, and yes sometimes funny. Getting angry never felt nearly as awesomely powerful as laughing at them or feeling pity for them (or a bit of both).
For someone online, I wouldn't waste the effort to decide whether they were a jerk or an idiot - but I'd laugh either way. For someone in person, I would laugh and say "you're an idiot, aren't you?" Or some other way to mockingly point out that they made a big-time goof - If they didn't mean it nasty, they're corrected - and if they did mean it nasty, they don't get the satisfaction of the (angry, hurt) response they were hoping for. Either way "I WIN."
And yeah, it was hard to do at first, until I really began to feel truly powerful, then it became mostly second nature. Sure, people can still surprise me, but usually, I still eventually "win."
Just think of it as mother nature forcing the idiots to wear an idiot flag so you can see them right away
Yep, that's my thought as well. It's natural selection working in your favor--you can delete this guy's message without even having to think about it, because you wouldn't want to date anyone. At best, he's insensitive and clueless and can you imagine how annoying it would be to date someone like this? At worst, he's a jerk and again, not someone you would want to date.
So delete it and don't give him another thought. And I would probably edit your picture so that you are the only one it it; that way, you are the star of your own personal ad and there is no ambiguity about which girl in the picture is single!
PS....edited to add: I would feel upset and hurt over this too, even though I believe every word I wrote above. So I do understand!
It's probably a nice picture of you and your sibs but maybe you should pick one with just you. I mean if it's happened TWICE... don't let it happen again!
I've had a lot of fun with online dating. I'm sorry to hear you haven't had good experiences. Being confident was really the key to meeting good people and having good dates.
I'm at a loss for words about an online dating situation! *angry*
