I've been on Weight Watchers since January. I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I've been making pretty good progress if you ask me. Now my father has never been the most supportive person in the world and I accept that. I just don't understand why he seems to feel the need to make negative comments to me at all.
For instance he will say, "You were doing really good on your diet but now you're eating too much. Your portions are too big." Or most recently he asked me. "What happened to your diet?" I told him nothing had happened to it, he looked me over and said, "Obviously it did."
Now, he is also overweight, which is another reason why I don't think he should be criticizing me at all. In addition to that he has diabetes and high blood pressure which are two things I am hoping to avoid by losing weight.
When I try to say something in my own defense, he never accepts it and says that I'm wrong even though I am the one going to the meetings and I am the one who knows the plan.
I missed two weeks of meetings because of a financial issue so I hadn't weighed in. Last night I did attend the meeting and found out that I had lost nine more pounds. I didn't mention anything to him, but my mother did and the only thing that he said was, "That's really good."
I've stopped trying to argue with him when he makes his comments, but honestly it is a little upsetting and I end up mad at him which isn't a good thing because we live in the same house so there's really no way to just get away from him for a while lol. I was just wondering if anyone else is dealing with family members like this and how you handle it if you are.
For me, it's my mom. She says she's supportive, but in very backhanded ways that end up making me feel worse in the end. I had to make the decision to just let her be who she is because she will never change, and if I recognize it, I can make the changes in myself.
Remember, you don't have to please anyone but yourself. You are the only one that you have to answer to, and if you feel you are being put into a position that you have to defend yourself, then just call them on it, and say that it's none of their business.
My father is like this too, he thinks he is doing me a favor and I know he means well, but it doesn't help and I don't like it- and I tell him so. He's overweight which is what makes him so critical of me. He doesn't want me to fail, so he tries to fix what I'm doing with verbally. Ugh. Family doesn't always get it, but we can't let them become a roadblock.
My mom used to always have something to say all the different times I'd tried to lose weight. Especially when it came to buying new clothes. She'd caution me to keep my old, bigger sizes or tell me not to buy too much because I'd gained all the weight back before.
It took until last year for her to really stop. I told her something along the lines of, her comments were negative and I didn't need to hear that negativity when I was trying to do something positive. It sounds kind of hoakey, but I think she finally got that she was basically backhanding my success and implying failure, while pushing me to change.
It can be difficult dealing with those kinds of family situations and I empathize with you. Hang in!
I think you need to tell your dad that his negativity is bringing you down and for him to keep his comments to himself- YOU are on the diet and YOU know what are big or small portions. Tell him encouragement keeps you going, not negativity.
If all else fails if I were in your shoes I'd just come around less- that'll get the hint faster than anything else.
True Story, I am at goal and a WW lifetime member. I go out to lunch with my mom and some of her friends and ordered salad, and she tells the waiter to put the dressing on the side and I tell the waiter no thats ok you can put it on the salad just ask them to go lightly with it. Well she starts to huff and puff and tell me anyone who knows anything about dieting knows you have to put the dressing on the side. I was humiliated in front of her friends to say the least here I am 45 years old being scolded like a 2 year old and I do not know where it came from but I looked her strait in the eye and said how the F*** old do you think I am, and who gave you the nasty pill today! Well I think everyone at the table was shocked. When I got home I wrote her a letter expressing my feelings.
Sometime it is easier to send a little note, and she apoligized to me. By sending a note they have no choice but to read the whole thing when you try to speak to someone in person you give them the opportunity to answer as they see fit.
By the way she has never commented on my ordering again.
A simple, "Why do you feel the need to criticize me?" might help.
Might not.
People who are insecure about their own weight often feel a need to put others down about it.
In the meantime, or when you are feeling especially vulnerable, maybe you can avoid mealtimes around your Dad. Maybe you can think of some activities to do that *don't* involve food.
Sometime it is easier to send a little note, and she apoligized to me. By sending a note they have no choice but to read the whole thing when you try to speak to someone in person you give them the opportunity to answer as they see fit.
By the way she has never commented on my ordering again.
I think this is excellent advice. Get all of the feelings and thoughts on paper so the emotions don't catch up with you via a verbal discussion.
My family is not like that, but I have a close friend who was. Similar to your father, she is overweight and has healthy issues. I don't engage in conversation with her about methods, I just let it speak in my weight loss. Cdawnfine's advice just gave me some inspiration though.
Well, like my dad always used to tell me, success is the sweetest revenge. So, although there might not be a way to keep your dad from saying hurtful things (unless maybe the ideas mentioned work), you can prove him wrong.
Back in January 2007 when I started losing weight for good this time, people were very skeptical. I got a lot of "That's great dear, but why don't we just wait and see"s regarding my efforts. I got more strange looks when I went out to JCPenney and bought a pair of jeans in a size 12 as an incentive. Maybe it did seem like a lofty dream at the time, considering I was wearing a size 32 at the time, but hey... I've lost 185 lbs now. I'd say I'm probably 15-20 lbs away from getting into those jeans. No one's laughing or questioning me now...
For me, it's my mom. She says she's supportive, but in very backhanded ways that end up making me feel worse in the end. I had to make the decision to just let her be who she is because she will never change, and if I recognize it, I can make the changes in myself.
My mom is exactly like this. She's all the oh you must lose weight, you're fat, you need to eat less (but she puts more food on my plate), you don't have to exercise, just eat less!
And she keeps saying she very supportive, but she's so negative with her comments! The other day I told her that I could fit into a shirt that I bought that I couldn't fit into before, and she told me, "You're going to put all the weight back on again."
My family is very similar except it is just my mum and little sister in the household when I am round there (I moved out for uni). I recently went back and I was constantly being told that I was going to put the weight back up and then some like I did last time, neglecting to mention that last time I was suffering with an eating disorder and was VERY uneducated about food and nutrition!
Cue the constant onslaught of trying to feed me a million times a day, and god forbid I ever turned anything down saying I wasn't hungry! At the end I had a few days where I allowed myself off my diet and ate some chocolates and mints etc and my mother told me to stop because "you'll only get angry at me for letting you get fat again"....yeah...cheers for having faith mum!
I will prove them wrong, I think that it is the best way of letting people know how wrong they were about something they really don't know much about!
When i was down to about 165-160 a lot of people were telling me that I should "stop dieting and losing weight....you look great now"..and of course i'd explain that it's not something you start and stop..its a lifestyle that you choose. My mother/sister would always make comments/jokes about my weight gain ( i wasn't always overweight) and it really hurt. My mother being one of the people who were telling me to 'stop' was put in her place when i said "Mom, anyone who says that to me is just jealous because i'm going to weigh less and i'm a lot healthier than they are"
A 150lb coworker who is always on some strange fad diet said the same thing to me and i responded.." well i was just telling mom the other day........." I did say it in a jokingly way but it got my point across.
Either write a letter or you need to sit and have a heart to heart about how much this bothers you. Or you could be like me and be blunt and to the point.
Last edited by angelanicole23; 04-18-2009 at 01:13 PM.
Thanks everyone. I do avoid having meals around him mostly. I eat in a different room but he doesn't know the reason. Actually a lot of his comments have been made when I've been preparing meals for him which I don't even eat.
My mother is also on Weight Watchers. He has been nothing but supportive of her. She has a job where she is on her feet a lot so no matter how much I exercise she is still getting more than I am which means she has lost 10lbs more than me. So he likes to bring that point up a lot too by saying I'm also not exercising enough.
For the most part, I just don't say anything when he makes his comments, but if he keeps it up that's going to change. I think if I wrote him a letter he would just laugh at it so I'm going to have to be blunt about it. So far since the weigh in where I found out I lost 9 more pounds he hasn't said a word.
My mom is "supportive"..and encourages me to lose weight..but I can't help but feel like it's criticism coming from her... because of all of the little comments she's made about my weight throughout my life.For example, on the day of my senior prom she said "oh. you're stomach looks big in that dress!"... just what every 18 yr girl wants to hear, right?... and to think I was actually only aroun 160 at that point.. I can only imagine what she thinks of me now. She's been so petite her whole life.. she just doesn't get it I suppose.
My dad used to make comments about the size of my legs and how much I ate ect, of coarse I was skinny at the time. One day I finally got right in his face, looked him straight in the eye and told him to shut up and I never wanted to hear another word out of his mouth about my my size or what I ate and that put a stop to it.
Anyone Else's Family Like This?
