[Loraloo]

I feel like I'm in a toxic relationship.

One of my best friends, also someone who I considered dating a while ago, then we starting being -really- good friends, is making me feel like garbage. Not because I wanted a relationship and he didn't, but because i'm really starting to feel like he doesn't care about me at all. Everything's all fine and dandy when we're hooking up, but we NEVER talk about it.

I feel completely disfunctional about it and don't know how to approach it. I'm ready to just tell him off, but I know I just need to ends things on the 'benefit' end of things and go back to juts being friends, but I also need to figure out a way to tell him that I'm feeling like he doesn't care what's going on in my life at all.
Tonight he asked how i was doing and (since this passed week sucked) I told him that 'to be honest I had a sh!tty week' and all he said was 'oh yeah?' and then changed the subject.

Who doesn't ask?!!??!!?!? Am I being over'something' about this or anything? am I crazy?? I had a good cry about it and now Im just kinda angry.

I'm really trying to re-invent myself (for lack of a better term) and change what isn't making me happy right now. I think I'm just a little short on courage, although I do have pretty thick skin.

[JulieJ08]

I think you've already figured it out - he's in it for the benefits. He doesn't want anything else from it.

[Su-Bee]

Yeah sweetie, I think you have a situation here where "he's just not that into you."

In my opinion, you don't need to end the "benefits" & go back to "just being friends" - the guy isn't your friend at all. You need to move on.

[prepping]

Originally Posted by Su-Bee

Yeah sweetie, I think you have a situation here where "he's just not that into you."

In my opinion, you don't need to end the "benefits" & go back to "just being friends" - the guy isn't your friend at all. You need to move on.

exactly. sorry hun. you'll feel so much better once you've moved on.

[willow650]

You are giving him everything he wants, all the benefits, and no responsibility, You let him use you so that's what he does.

[kaplods]

A "good" guy wouldn't use a friend like that. You're not his friend at all, so there's no reason for you to preserve the friendship, because there's none there to preserve.

I'm not saying he's evil incarnate, but he's not "friend" material.

[tkm256]

This guy is stealing your time. Every night you spend with him (in or out of bed) is another night gone that you could have used to cultivate a relationship with someone worthwhile.

Since you guys probably have friends in common, burning bridges might create other rifts you don't want. So just cool it with this guy and start looking elsewhere. Think of yourself the same way he thinks of himself: free with no obligation to maintain this relationship. Don't fall into traps like thinking he doesn't want to commit because you're not thin enough, not confident enough or whatever--it really is him, not you.

[Gypsy Severina]

Originally Posted by Su-Bee

Yeah sweetie, I think you have a situation here where "he's just not that into you."

Right now you're on a journey to reinvent yourself from the inside out. I would look at it this way; is he supporting you emotionally through this? Is he supporting you emotionally at all? What positive thing, besides the sex (and maybe not even that ) has he contributed to your "friendship"? If he just makes conversation to get to the benefits, ditch him. You certainly didn't decide to change and make yourself and your life better so that some idiot could come around and act like the rusty anchor.

You don't owe anything to him, if that's what's nagging you. Tell him over the phone, text, face-to-face, whatever, that whatever it is you two had is over. And if he wasn't that great of a friend to begin with, I wouldn't count on trying to amend that relationship either. You are a strong, determined woman, and you don't need anything that isn't making a happy and positive contribution to your life. Good luck!