sudden thought: I weigh less than half of my friends now....
Hmm....
This is kind of an awkward sudden realization: I came back from meeting a friend I haven't seen since high school at Starbucks tonight. And it occurred to me while I did some shopping at the mall afterward-- I now weigh less than half of my friends I went to high school/college with
Heck, I now weigh 35 lbs LESS than the girl I had coffee with at Starbucks tonight!
I was always the fattest one of each "group" of people I hung out with. Now, the reverse is true.
Do the feelings of being thinner than other overweight friends (anywhere from feeling awkward and uncertain how they might react to you being thinner than them and that they're not)-- do they go away over time (at least for you)?
It sure doesn't bother me that I weigh less than some friends, (especially my husband!!), but it really does bother some friends..."Whoaaaa, is the fat chick wearing a smaller size than me? That is one of the questions I am asked the most frequently. One girl I know who has to wear a size 10 (at least) said to me the other day, "Lori, what size are you wearing now? I have a pair of size 6 jeans that are too big for me, will they fit you?" HAHA...yea right! You have to know this girl to understand that she most definitely doesn't have any jeans to give away, and she hasn't wore a size 6 in 20 years. I'll never fit into a size 6. She's just nervous that I *might* be smaller than her. She drives me nuts. She is the same girl I've complained about before on here who can never give a compliment unless she attached a few insults. I just told her to keep them in case she gains weight...HAHA It's driving her insane to know what size I am...
For the most part, my true friends are tickled pink I'm getting healthy.
I remember when I came to that realization. It was overwhelming and very emotional for me. I was always the heaviest - by far - and very, very, very aware of it. And now I thinner and smaller then all but 2 of my friends. MIND BOGGLING. ABSOLUTELY MIND BOGGLING. Honestly, I had/have no problems with it. I think it's kind of cool, in fact. I am proud of the fact that I worked hard to get my my trim, fit body. Anyone else is more then welcome to do the same.
I do think a few of my friends had to wrap their heads around the fact that I was thinner then them. Like Lori, a few talked about the size clothing that I was wearing. Freaked them out a bit. I even had one who kind of acted strange to me for awhile. Then she faced a health scare - pre-diabetes, came to me for help, shed LOTS of pounds and we're now even better friends then before.
I do have a couple of friends who I believe are a tad envious of me. Like "If Robin could shed 165 lbs, why the heck can't I get off the 30 - 40 that I need too?" Although they wish they could do it, they are very happy and thrilled for me that I was able to change my life around. They can clearly see just how much happier I am now.
I don't know what it's like (yet) to be the thinnest person in the room but why compare yourself to others. Where does it all end?
Am I the prettiest/ugliest person in the room? Tallest/shortest? richest/poorest? educated/uneducated?
I think that when a person who has been obese they get conditioned into being super self- conscience about themselves because of their sized that when they DO lose weight they are still comparing themselves to others.
I would like to think, or hope anyway, that when I lose the weight I can stop continuously comparing myself to others and just be myself and let others be themselves.
I don't know what it's like (yet) to be the thinnest person in the room but why compare yourself to others. Where does it all end?
Am I the prettiest/ugliest person in the room? Tallest/shortest? richest/poorest? educated/uneducated?
I think that when a person who has been obese they get conditioned into being super self- conscience about themselves because of their sized that when they DO lose weight they are still comparing themselves to others.
I would like to think, or hope anyway, that when I lose the weight I can stop continuously comparing myself to others and just be myself and let others be themselves.
Flatiron, I NEVER compare myself to others - anymore. I am just THAT confident about MYSELF now. It doesn't matter if there's a prettier, better dressed, thinner, more toned, younger, taller, smarter, richer - whatever - woman in the room. I am now self-assured that I am the best ME that I can be.
It's funny, because in the past I would be intimidated by very pretty women. I would retreat from them and try and steer clear of them. Now, I see very pretty women, ones clearly more pretty then myself and I know this sounds crazy, and I am OVERLY friendly towards them. Well truth is, I'm probably overly friendly toward everyone now. But I have such confidence in myself now, and I have gained so much self-respect for myself (something I was lacking while morbidly obese) that "more attractive" people just don't "scare me off" anymore.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 03-21-2009 at 10:41 AM.
That is wonderful, you guys! You deserve to feel good about yourselves. Don't worry about what people think - if they're really your friends, they'll be happy for you. All the others are just jealous. You go girls!
man, i can't wait till i get there!! but yeah i do think it can be a bit of a sticky situation for yourself and your friends if you're all used to you being a particular way and a particular order of things. you're shaking up the status quo!
I completely understand what you mean about these sorts of feelings, and I am in a similar situation to Lori Bell. Naturally, I'm aware of my size in comparison to the size of others around me, but I would never want to create an issue of it. I'd be lying if I said I never talked about it, but my weight loss has been a big deal for me and if it comes up in conversation, I'll talk about it openly. Although the vast majority of people around me haven't made any issue of it at all, there have been a few who have reacted strangely. I've been the largest amongst my friends before, by quite some margin, and friends have reacted differently to my weight loss. The ones who have had the most interesting reactions have been friends who are a little on the larger side themselves. I wear a UK 14 (sometimes a 12), which I think works out to around a US ladies size 8-10. I used to be a UK 18-20 (US size 14-16).
Friend A - she's always been a curvy woman, hourglass shape, around a UK size 14-16 (US size 10-12). I've known her since childhood. She's been really happy for me with my weight loss, and having been unhappy with her own weight at times, completely understands where I'm coming from in wanting to lose weight. We often talk about our appearances and weight, and feelings around being overweight, and I think we understand each other very well. She's never made any negative comments towards me or made me feel uncomfortable since losing weight.
Friend B - is slightly tactless in general, but has made several iffy comments with regards to my weight loss. It never really comes up in conversation, but when it does, she sometimes makes remarks about my appearance (e.g. calling me "skinny" when I'm clearly not, I don't at all think she's trying to be mean, it's just the way she says it is slightly mocking/belittling in tone). She's a UK 14-16 (US 10-12) herself, hourglass shape, nice figure. I'm a similar shape, but slightly less pronounced hourglass, and a bit more rectangular. In the past she's made (uninvited) remarks about how we look "so different" even though we're the same size, and comments like "you've always carried much more weight on your stomach than me, whereas I've got bigger boobs and hips". Maybe I've overreacted in finding comments like that annoying, but basically saying "you've got a fat gut, whereas I'm a lovely hourglass" sort of irked me. Out of all friends, this woman is the only one who's been a bit negative about my weight loss sometimes, even though I'm not sure she means it. I think she'd like to lose a little weight, and I don't think she's used to me being the same size/slimmer than her. Maybe her formerly "fat friend" being a similar size to her is making herself think differently about her own size, I don't know.
Friend C - has been, and is currently, an equivalent size to what I was at my heaviest. She expresses a real desire to lose weight, but doesn't seem to really do anything about it at the moment, she's found it very hard in the past to have willpower and to cope with food in moderation. I lost quite a lot of weight whilst she remained at a similar weight, and when size has come up in conversation, she says that she wears the same size clothes as I do. I'm not trying to be at all unkind, but she's roughly 40-50lbs heavier than me, and three inches shorter, and is of larger proportions. I think perhaps she feels uncomfortable "admitting" to a larger size when she's not yet ready to try to lose weight, or doesn't feel she has the willpower to do so right now. Generally, she's been complimentary and supportive since I've lost weight, and has made some really nice comments out of the blue. However, occasionally, she's made remarks that I "make her feel like a pig" and whatnot, when I've been eating something healthy next to her eating some junk food. This slightly bugs me, because there's no way I would start "showing off" the fact that I was trying to lose weight when she isn't - that would be vile of me. But at the same time, I cannot help if she's aware of my making healthy choices, and I don't feel I should hide them or be ashamed. Honestly, I think her reaction to my weight loss comes from her own desire to lose weight herself, and I think it makes her a little bit uncomfortable.
So yeah, three good friends, three quite different reactions. It's strange. I don't really want to compare myself too much to other people, but I feel more that they are comparing themselves to me, rather than the other way around. I know I have quite heightened self-awareness, particularly with regards to my size/appearance, but there's not really an issue there that I would want to affect a friendship. I just never anticipated these reactions from my friends, so it's interesting to hear of other people's similar experiences!
Okay, now our motives are probably different, but I'm THRILLED for you. Thrilled.
Confidence is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
I know we are first and foremost losing weight for our physical health, but our *mental* health and well being is soooo very important as well. Very. Very. Very.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 03-21-2009 at 08:46 PM.
Well, it's been an adventure for me also. One of my very obese friends will rarely, rarely ask to actually see me anymore. I have never, ever not even ONCE discussed weight, dieting, exercise or anything with her. I recently saw her at a mutual gathering and all she said was, "You don't even look like the same person." I guess that's a compliment--but a left handed one to be certain. My weightloss has definitely made her feel very uncomfortable.
Then there is the group that did their best in the past to make me feel awkward and inferior. I am so enjoying my sporting designer clothes, my heels, my jewelry, my longer hair in front of them. Of course, there are days I am just wearing my ruffled halter and capris too--but that is still fun too! I know I shouldn't allow myself to feel this gloat--oh, it has to be wrong on so many levels. I have always conducted myself as a lady no matter my weight though--so I have no reason not to hold my head high fat or thinner.
I have friends of all sizes--I am equal opportunity befriender. Good friends in this world are hard enough to find without putting shallow restrictions on how they are to appear. I wish everyone saw it that way though.
I used to be the biggest person at the place I work, and I guess when I lost weight, I messed up the status quo. The staff members I consider friends are supportive and happy for me. Others barely mention the weight loss, which doesn't bother me, and a couple have made disparaging remarks. Knowing these people, I figure they are just jealous because I am doing something to improve my life while they just complain, but don't do anything to change their circumstances.
I'm not to that point yet. I'm only about a quarter of the way there. But when I just started to lose weight, my sister expressed a thought that caught me by surprise.
I started gaining weight when I was 13 years old. Before that, I was always a small kid. I was always smaller than my sister. Since I started to gain weight though, she has been the thin one, and I've been the fat one.
So when I told her what my goal was, she said something about that being less than what she weighs now. She half-jokingly added that she'd have to kick my butt if I am ever smaller than her. It seems that she got so used to me being bigger than her that she'd be "weirded out" by me losing all the weight.
I set my goal weight based on what my doctor said is the healthy weight for someone my height. My sister is taller than me and has had children. I was always quite petite before I started gaining. Naturally, if I were in shape, it would be quite normal if I weighed less than her. If I end up weighing less than she does, it's really no big deal. She'll just have to deal with it. If she feels like she wants to shed some of the baby weight, maybe she'll be motivated.
I don't think people talk enough about how some relationships change & shift when you do something like lose a great deal of weight. Several things have become slightly awkward with my larger, formerly same-size or smaller friends:
1) Walking. I exercise a lot now & I walk faster & more easily than I used to. If I'm out for a walk with them, in the city or on a nature trail, I'm conscious of reining myself in, so that they don't huff & puff or feel outpaced.
2) Shopping. We don't shop for clothing together anymore. We need to go to different departments, so there is less "together" time anyway. And I don't think them watching me put on cute, small outfits would be very fun, so I don't suggest this past time anymore.
3) Eating out. The division here is not between heavy & normal weight friends, actually, but consciously healthy eaters & eaters less conscious of food choices. I have heavier friends who are vegetarians or locavores or gourmets & they are easier to eat with, no matter what their weight, than the friends who have given less thought to what they're putting into their mouths. Anyway, if the friend belongs to the former party, we're okay with meeting for lunches & dinners or eating at each others' homes -- if they belong to the latter, it's quite difficult sometimes. (I'm usually the one to give way, though -- we eat at their places & I try to make healthy choices or to eat nothing there.)
4) Past-times. I have a little less time for some friends, since I'm going to swimming classes & yoga classes, and I have to guard my gym time for the week as well.
sudden thought: I weigh less than half of my friends now....
