Quote:
Originally Posted by beerab
haha post what you wrote!  |
ok, you asked for it. 1 thing I forgot to add to this was the fact my husband goes back to sea duty in Nov, he cut shore duty 4months early to get the orders he wanted. That will be a huge struggle for me.
My story
I was a pretty skinny kid, parents didn’t keep any junk food or soft drinks in house, we didn’t eat out very often, I stayed active outdoors most days, played sports, ect. But mom was more an ‘cook out of the box” top. Everything we ate was WAY over processed, mac and cheese, hamburger helper, things like that. We also had mashed potatoes and sweet tea every night for dinner. I think the only vegetable I ever ate was green beans and it lots of salt, pepper and oil and as I got a little older, I liked fried squash. My parents never made me eat anything I said I didn’t like and would make special meals sometimes o accommodate my pickiness. When I became a teenager, my first job was at Dairy Queen, then a couple other fast food places, and a couple of convenient stores and that’s where the weight gain started. It wasn’t a big change but it was still becoming noticeable. At 20 I had my first child and I lost all the baby weight and then some, just by chance though. I had a job where I worked very hard and ate very little but then took an office job and became pretty sedentary and the weight crept up. At 23 I got married and was a size 10, my husband is in the Navy and we spent the 1st yr of our marriage living in separate states, we didn’t see the point in my moving until the deployment was over. As long as he wasn’t on the ship, he drove up to visit me on the weekends which meant going out to eat, A LOT. After that first year, my husband went to shore duty, and we moved to Virginia, a couple weeks before that move, I had a horse accident. I broke my right leg in 3 places busted the inside of the ankle, the out side of the leg just above the ankle and a bone in my knee but we didn’t know that till months later. I had knee surgery 7 months later and was told I need a full knee replacement but I wasn’t old enough. That was very tough to hear at only 25. I still have 2 long screws in my ankle and steel plate in my leg. I became pretty inactive after that, always afraid of cause further damage to my knee. 1year after that accident had another child, 10 months after she was born, I became pregnant with my son. The excess baby weight was very hard on my knees and hips and low back. After my son was born, I went on a strict low carb diet, and with in few months, I looked the best I have ever looked but it was something I couldn’t live with.
I have always had a weird relationship with food, I couldn’t stand it if someone took the last of something when dinner was cooked at home. Even if I didn’t want that last pork chop, I couldn’t take my dad or brother eating it either, so I took it and ate it myself. I would think “what if they take it and I am still hungry” When I started working at fast food places, I would sneak cheeseburgers or whatever in my pockets and hide in the stock room and eat. I was never starved and day in my life that I am aware of but I was still afraid of being hungry. When I started the office job, if I ever forgot my lunch and was short on money, I would panic all day but some days even if I brought my lunch, I would not even get hungry enough to want it but I liked knowing it was there.
Fast forward to now, I am a stay at home mom of 3 great kids and wife to a great husband; we just celebrated our 10yr anniversary. He is still in the Navy. Deployments are the toughest time. We spent 3 yrs on sea duty where he was gone about a year and ½ of it. My children and I lived off pizza, mac and cheese, went out to eat a LOT and I weighed in the 180’s to 190’s by the time he came home. I felt so guilty and ashamed of how I looked when he stepped of that ship. I had joined a gym and worked out a lot, but I never controlled the eating. Ice cream after the kids were in bed had became my best friend. My husband has been on shore duty for the last couple of years but I never really worked on trying to lose the excess weight until recently. On Dec 2, 2008 I stepped on the scale weighing 200lbs. I never in my life though I would ever see that number. My highest pregnancy weight was 197. Obesity and dieing young is common in my family. My grandfather died of a heart attack in his early 60’s and been battling high blood pressure for yrs and was over weight, my dad has high cholesterol and had to have his colon removed about 15yrs ago, my brother has high cholesterol, over weight and type 2 diabetic and has colon problems, my mom has been over weight all my life even though I never saw her eat more than 2 meals a day. She was extremely sedentary, she had a back injury when she was kid so always blamed that but never tried to have it fixed. At 55yrs old, she had a multiple massive stroke. She was diagnosed a few years ago, with sleep apnea due to her weight and slept with a C-pap machine. One night she decided to sleep in a chair in the living room and though she didn’t need her mask. My dad found her the next morning. She is an absolute miracle though; she survived and surpassed all Dr’s prognosis. They told us she had Locked In syndrome she was not treatable or curable and she would never do more than blink responses to us. My mom is talking, and walks further every day. It’s been 9 long months of therapy but I know she will be going home soon. My faith in God grew to heights I never thought was possible, I knew before I ever saw my mother that first night that no matter what the Dr’s and nurses said, my mother was going to be ok. God showed me that I can trust him with the big and the little that its not my will power that will get me through this weight struggle but Him. I use to think God had bigger things to be concerned with, with me, than my weight. I finally realized that my body belongs to Him and he created the foods to feed it and I now know He wants me healthy. I still struggle with what to eat, how much to eat, but I’m trying, Even found a few veggies I like, stopped buying white processed stuff and switched to whole grains and try to get it a couple fruits. Since Dec 2nd I have lost around 15lbs but it has pretty much stopped the last couple weeks. Sometimes I just feel so lost on how to keep the eating normal. I can say my last full on binge was Feb 1st and that was after a panic attack. I am slowly learning to not medicate with food and I just pray that one day I will be normal and healthy and that it is more than just a number on a scale, I have to learn how to eat in away that I can live with.
If you have read this far, you deserve a huge blessing.
Oh Wow
