Okay so....He doesnt do it on purpose he actually thinks its what I want to hear. Sometimes I feel like the hubby is clueless to what I am doing. I am 23 and I weigh 153. To some this may not be alot but I dont like walking by certain stores because the dresses are too tight. I talk to my hubby about wanting to weigh 135. To him this is tooo skinny. I know this may sound strange to some but most black men dont want skinny wives. They want big butts and hips. I am mixed and the black in me didnt get that memo! lol. I dont have hips but I do have a very nice small round butt and I want to be smaller. My body only looks right when its smaller than this. I currently wear a 9 in pants. I want to wear a 5! Everytime I tell the hubby this he frowns. It hurts me so badly. I naturally lose weight and if I get that small Im wondering will he love me the same? I was 120 when we met! I was 16 and 120! How can I explain to him that how he thinks is wrong. He thinks that by saying Im perfect the way I am then I will feel better and stop getting so stressed. I want to know what hes thinking but he flip flops so much. How do I get him to tell me what he really thinks of me?
I really believe that to your husband, you are perfect! He loves you just the way you are and probably in his eyes thinks losing weight for you is silly. I know we don't want to hear that, but they just don't see it the same way. Remember though, for every great guy like your husband and mine, who love us unconditionally, there's the controlling one who watches over everything their spouse eats. I would HATE to be married to someone like that. Why don't you just start losing on your own without talking about it to your hubby? My husband is so oblivious to things, he probably wouldn't even realize I was trying to lose weight unless I told him. That way you can still lose and have peace in the house. Believe me, he won't stop loving you because you lost a little weight. He may even like the difference once he sees your progress!! Good Luck
I really believe that to your husband, you are perfect! He loves you just the way you are and probably in his eyes thinks losing weight for you is silly. I know we don't want to hear that, but they just don't see it the same way. Remember though, for every great guy like your husband and mine, who love us unconditionally, there's the controlling one who watches over everything their spouse eats. I would HATE to be married to someone like that. Why don't you just start losing on your own without talking about it to your hubby? My husband is so oblivious to things, he probably wouldn't even realize I was trying to lose weight unless I told him. That way you can still lose and have peace in the house. Believe me, he won't stop loving you because you lost a little weight. He may even like the difference once he sees your progress!! Good Luck
Oh my gosh thank you! That was such a breath of fresh air! Seriously. I guess I should be thankful. You helped alot.
Now I'm much older than you and married many more years but my DH would say similar things to me. He liked 'curvy' women and didn't think I needed to lose. However, I did and you know what, he can hardly keep his hands of me now. I am naturally an hourglass shape so I still have boobs and butt there's just 8-10" less of me all round.
Sometimes men have there own insecurities you know and think someone will try to steal you away if your even hotter than you are now.
My hubby says the same to me and we are white..LOL...he likes hips, booty and breasts...My breasts have gone from a 38DD to a 36B and he is not digging it at all....the problem is I am not losing as quickly from the area I hate--my thighs...I have to lose more or I am stuck with them and I am just NOT okay with that..
I think it's wonderful that he is so attracted to you. I read so about so many hubbies here who are not attracted to their wives anymore because they are TOO big. That being said, you must take care of YOU first and then deal with hubby. If you are uncomfortable at your size and want to be smaller, than I say go for it! I know the shops and dresses you are talking about!
I agree with the chick comments above! Make healthier food choices, exercise and you will feel great! And he will be more attracted to your increased confidence and energy!
our guys are blind! And we're alwyas super critical about the way we look. perhaps take on board some of his worries - is the goal weight you have really suitable? Or will a couple of extra pounds not do you any harm?
my dh is supportive right now, but he says he doesn't want me to be under 150. that will be a while for me, but when i get to 150 and i think i could lose more, then i will. he is black and i am hispanic. he says he needs a girl with some meat on her bones. lol. whatever! not too much meat. lol. well, good luck girl.
my man and i both gained about 60 lbs over the last 7 years. this is my first real success with sticking to a plan and being pleased with outcomes. the hubby continues to eat loads of junk all the time. i am rarely tempted at this point, but quite a bit concerned with his health. he knows that he needs to lose weight, but has no motivation to do so. the best i can do is only keep healthy snacks around the house. unfortunately, that means that he binges on my whole bag of yogurt raisins at one time despite my efforts to conserve the treat.
Well, the first thign to remember is that most men have no real and true concept of weight and what it really looks like. When I told my husband I wanted to be in between 135 and 145, he freaked. He thought that was waay too low (I'm also a pretty curvy gal, though I'm sadly so white that I can be used as a nightlight) Until I showed him pictures of me at that weight and he went "oh, yeah, that's not bad".
Also, our husbands just want us to be happy! So many of them are afraid that if they agree with our weightloss efforts, we'll think that they think we're unattractive, and maybe if they can get us to see we're attractive the way we are we'll be happier.
I know it helped my husband when I explained to him that I wasn't being unrealistic in my goals, and that I wasn't unhappy with myself (that was a bit of a white lie...). But that I and losing weight for me and to be healthier and be the right size for my body.
Well, the first thign to remember is that most men have no real and true concept of weight and what it really looks like. When I told my husband I wanted to be in between 135 and 145, he freaked. He thought that was waay too low (I'm also a pretty curvy gal, though I'm sadly so white that I can be used as a nightlight) Until I showed him pictures of me at that weight and he went "oh, yeah, that's not bad".
So true! Yeah, I would not really focus so much on telling him the number, just keep saying you want to get "fit".
My boyfriend was all worried about me getting too "skinny" too. He likes boobs and hips and a butt.
When I was about 155 lb he kept saying that I didn't need to lose any more weight, even though my goal is 135 lb. To be honest, at that weight, I think I *will* be too skinny for his liking, but oh well. I'm sure he's not going to stop liking me! I'm still going to have boobs and hips, they'll just be smaller! lol.
Yeah my hubby says the same thing- but since I've been losing he comments on how he can see my thighs are firming up and how much smaller my stomach has gotten
Oh my gosh this totally hits home..my bf met me when i was about 200 lbs and he said he loved every inch and curve of mine...so my weightloss took a little getting used to for him..especially since he worked away and every time he came home (one week of every month) I had more weight gone .One time he was like..um "where did your boobs go" My response was.."they were FAT and if I lose the fat there I don't care!".
I had to explain to him that even though he loves me I didn't love me the way I was..and I was doing this for ME. When I was about 155 he made a comment that perhaps I lost a little too much but I told him if he didn't like it..too bad...lol...however he does say other comments like "if you're happy, I'm happy" and that I look "amazing"..I think my increased self esteem and overall happiness has shown him that it was worth it.
Like someone said earlier try not to discuss numbers and how much you lose..but instead focus on how you're getting fit and healthy...how you're able to buy a lot more sexier clothes..lol...and he'll love the more confident you.
Last edited by angelanicole23; 01-26-2009 at 06:20 PM.
All of your comments are SO SUPPORTIVE! I love this site! Thank you all so much. I am not a health freak but i stay away from hot dogs unless their kosher and un-organic proteins. Like eggs and meats! It helps. But thank you all for your kind words.
My weightloss hindering hubby
not too much meat. lol. well, good luck girl. 
