As you can see in my signature, I have not been a good girl in the last little bit. However, I'm back on track with my old determination that got 80 lbs off me in 2007. But, I'm a little down because of my regression because it took such hard work to get it off only to let myself do this. I'm not depressed, just a little down that I have to go back down this same stretch of road that I had already traveled - and also thinking of how much further I could be if I had just been more focused. But, alas, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, so TODAY I will do what I can and not worry about those days gone or that are to come.
I do have a situation brewing here at home, though. My husband who is VERY supportive of me and my weight loss (and who is about 50 lbs overweight himself) is NOT in a frame of mind to buckle down and lose himself. However, when I went grocery shopping this past week and bought a ton of healthy stuff, he made several comments that made me know he thought I didn't buy anything to eat....because it wasn't the stuff he likes and wants (our old way of eating). I *thought* (from previous chats with him) that he was ready to do it with me. Apparently not. Anyway...my question is - what do you all do when your family supports YOU and YOUR efforts but are not ready to commit to this for themselves, leaving you to have to shop for two different menus. This is a real challenge for me. What do you do to cope with this scenario?
Edited to add: This doesn't just make the shopping a challenge, but when it come time to cook it is just such a hassle to cook two different ways. Grrr!!
I will also note I have THE BEST husband in the world. He is a very, very loving and compassionate man...didn't want to leave a bad impression of him. He doesn't deserve that.
Thanks so much! This is THE BEST weight loss support group on the top side of God's green earth.
Last edited by RitzyFritz; 01-05-2009 at 11:14 PM.
I knwo this can feel- I'm so happy me and my husband are both on the same page and on the same diet- I'd maybe suggest if your the one who does the cooking- just go a head and make him eat the same meals you are- he can add "junk" to it if he wants like mayo or cheese, or butter depending on what your making- but try and plan meals that are both life style friendly, example make spaghetti with whole wheat pasta and low cal sauce like (eating right basil and marinara) but when it's on his plate he can add cheese in or fix him self a couple pieces of garlic bread on the side and you can just abstain from the bread and cheese- same meal, less cals for you, more for him..
that's what I do- my husband is allowed more cals then me so I'll make the same things for him that I eat but use real things for him Like Real Mayo instead of Light mayo or real butter instead of I cant believe it's not butter, real cheese instead of only laughing cow cheese
For breakfast use egg beaters or egg white only and turkey bacon instead of pork bacon I bet he wont even know the difference. I love when my husband comes shopping with me - but maybe for a little while go by yourself.. if he wants junk food like chips and cookies and stuff keep his stuff in a separate pantry or on a different shelf
but yeah that's the concept I'd stick with make the same base meal but he can add his own stuff to it if he wants..
OH. well, I can sure relate on so many levels. First, I took off 80 pounds in 2005 and now it's back and I'm back to changing again. I got rid of all the foods I loved and then went crazy with want...so this time around, calorie counting to incorporate all foods in moderation. Second....my husband NEVER diets/eats healthy with me. He is extremely supportive to my efforts but doesn't understand it would be more helpful for him to eat healthy. But...he doesn't and won't and that's his thing. He also has a heart problem and gets tired a lot (works a lot, too, though)and when he's off...he likes to sit..and I mean sit....TV...no activity. Occasionally, he will go for a walk ...but it's a stroll.... and no exertion whatsoever.....so....I'm in this alone (so to speak) and I cook healthy and have healthy snacks for me and the kids and go it alone. He's not a big snack eater but he is a chef and cooks gourmet things....He even cooks me healthy gourmet things!!! So...I come here for support and sometimes eat a bit differently but the idea is to try to eat real food for everyone. Good luck...you're not alone when you come here.
My SO and I eat differently, so we each prepare our own meals. This has worked just fine. However, if you are the one who does all the cooking, I'd say that one strategy would be to cook the healthy foods you're going to eat yourself, and add to them for your DH. This is still more prep, but not as bad as having to cook two completely different meals.
If he wants to eat pizza all the time, well, that's a different story... but still, you could buy frozen pizza and put one in to bake while you prepare your own food. He may gripe about not getting "home cooking," I don't know--but that's just too bad unless he wants to cook it himself.
I am about to goto the store and this is the list my bf and i have put together. its pretty sad lol.
for me:
-boneless skinless chicken
-carrots
-celery
-apples and oranges
(this isnt ALL i eat, its just what i need right now for my meals since i eat these things everyday sometimes twice. this is my first time getting activia though)
for him:
-dorritos
-taco meat, taco shells
-hamburger patties and buns
-sliced cheese
-taco cheese
-frozen pizzas
-lettuce tomato onion and pickles (for his burgers)
-24pack pepsi
I'm just going to have to deal with seeing all of this junk in my fridge and pantry
My husband isn't actively trying to lose weight, but he doesn't really complain too much about what food I make.
Here's how it goes: He deals with his own breakfasts & lunches whatever they may be. I cook dinner, and he can & does often add things to it himself for his own plate.
For example just last night I cooked up some veggie soup. The hub added grilled chicken slices to it. I had my veggie soup, he had his chicken & veggie soup.
I'll make myself a garden burger with rice & steamed vegetables. He'll just ask for 2 garden burgers and extra rice.
Much of the time the changes that are needed aren't too much. Either he adds to it himself, or he just asks for bigger portions. I will NEVER cook him an entirely separate meal, though. I'm not a short order cook (as my mother would say).
If he wants something entirely different, he is more than welcome to cook it himself.
Honestly, though, if you cook something tasty I bet your husband won't complain regardless of the calories in it. It's food, and it's already been made.
If it's about having junk in the house, my hub & I have compromised and he has one cabinet for his "food". And that cabinet is the one above the fridge (so I barely go in there anyways, and it's out of site out of mind). I know that he has chips up there, etc, but he buys it, and it's so inaccessible anyways that I don't want to reach up and get it.
If the "food" your husband is speaking of is just like my hub's food (ie junk) then you may want to compromise by having a way out of the way space for it. Also, have him shop for it. He can buy the junk he wants & you don't even have to look at it in your cart.
Well I don't know, but if he has 50 lbs. to lose maybe you should sit him down and explain to him :
1) You would like to have a LONG and happy life with him, not full of health issues.
2) You love and cherish him and his desires, but refuse to be part in makeing him and yourself more unhealthy than you already are.
And if that fails then make healthy food and add other things into it for him, you don't have to parttake of everything you fix, yes this IS hard, but it is what I do with my DH who is also overweight, and has had a heart attack and a stint put in already...You can not force them,,,only try to make it as good as you can.
Heya Ritzy, I have the best husband in the world too - how coincidental!
My husband and I both have very busy schedules, work full time. In the past I took care of shopping and prepping meals for him. We were partners in crime with our frequent fast food and junk. Once I decided to get healthy things had to change a bit. For me. It was unfair, in my opinion to expect a huge change and my level of commitment when he wasn't ready. I've tried very hard throughout my weight loss not to become a zealot and convert everyone I know. It's hard!
In the last year he's learned how to cook very basic meals for himself and my son (who eats a blend of our two very different ways of eating), learned where things are at the grocery store and makes solo runs to take out.
Like Faerie's husband he keeps the junk in one cabinet. I know to stay far, far away form that cabinet! In addition I keep my healthy staples in my own cabinet and use a certain area of the fridge for ease of access and convenience.
We aren't leading totally separate lives. We do grocery shop together (each with our own lists), cook at the same time and sit down to eat together. It was a gradual and comfortable change.
In addition, often our meals share the same main dish while the side dishes vary wildly. We may do grilled chicken - which I'll put on top of a huge salad and which he'll douse with BBQ sauce, make fries and have cheesecake. In that case he's responsible for his own sides!
As always, my 3FC friends are sooo helpful. We have discussed some of the things suggested here (his foods in a different place, he shop for himself, he cook for himself, etc.), but our silly schedules are so crazy until the cooking and shopping are up to me (though he does usually go to the store with me but relies on my shopping list, etc.) It was just his comment that made me a little frustrated because he always seems so supportive and totally understands my reasons for wanting to change...he just sees it as too big of a mountain for him, even though I'm cooking differently, etc. It's all silly, I know, but it gets crazy in my head trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow and satisfy him at the same time....and I knew I could find support in a place where others are in the same boat. You all are inspirational! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas with me. I appreciate them! Have a great day!
Just needing a little support....
Back to your old new lifestyle 
