[flatiron]

my brother-in law (my ex's brother) passed away this morning from lung cancer. It took 9 months for him to die and it was pretty horrible the whole experience the diagnoses, the chemo, the radiation all in vain only to watch him waste away to nothing. He was a smoker and only quit rescently after a long habit but I guess it wasn't soon enough. EVERY smoker should have seen him and they would quit in an instant!

He was my last brother-in-law to pass, there were two others, two of my ex's brothers and my sister's husband, who we all stayed friends even though my marriage didn't work out.

Two were morbidly obese and one smoked for 20 years. Doctors all told them for years to change their ways and live healthier lives (one b-n-law weighed over 400 pounds!) but they didn't listen and they died at 43, 49 and 52

My b-n-law whp passed this morning was very brave. He never complained once the whole 9 months and this morning with all of his loved ones around he said he loved everyone and appologized to everyone for having to leave. His wife kissed him and and he went to sleep and 3 hours later he was gone.

I am just like all three of them. I am 340lbs and my doctor has been warning me for years and I have not paid attention to him until only recently.

I am very depressed this morning and sad because it occurs to me if I had just started my healthier lifestyle years ago I know I could have gotten them to work out with me and diet or at least I could have tried and maybe they would all still be alive

In the past I would eat if I was sad or depressed ... I have been on my new healthy lifestyle 12 days now and in that 12 days it just seems like life has thrown everything against me to try and derail me and get me off track.

I would never have believed it but I really believe now that I am being affected by S.A.D.

I don't know what to do about it so I am just going to keep playing my music (I am a musician). And I'm going to head to the YMCA and run on the elliptical till my mood changes hopefully...

[KforKitty]

Sorry to hear of your loss. Although its difficulty not to eat emotionally when these things happen, do try not to. To be a truly successful at weightloss you need to find strategies for coping when life throws you the curved ball. I hope the music and exercise does it for you.

Kitty

[bargoo]

So sorry for your loss. Good luck on your decision to improve your health.

[GONNABE165]

sorry for your loss

a year ago I watched my father go through the same thing - he passed away 10/11/2007 from lung and brain cancer and had been smoking since he was 14. S i know how you feel and what you are going through. My advice is to concentrate on your health as you still have a chance.

Oh and I am sorry to say but the comment you made about that if you see someone with cancer go through all that it would ake them want to quit that is soo wrong as my mother watched my father and she still smokes and so do others in my family

Keep your head up and may God bless

[KristasMom]

Flatiron - please, just keep concentrating on yourself.
You couldn't do anything to change their lives - you are only responsible for yourself. I'm sure that they knew the possible consequences of their actions, but losing weight and quitting smoking and everything like that is hard.

Oh, yeah, and it's okay to grieve and to be angry.

Hugs and support.

Sue

[flatiron]

Thanks every body... the day is over and I feel a little better. Just one day at a time as they say.

And it's true after some thought. Even if a smoker see's what someone goes through with lung cancer that doesn't neccessarily mean they will stop. My little sister and my ex still smoke (both over 30 years) and they both not only watched my B-n-law die but my Dad's best friend also died of lung cancer also.

I guess we all quit when we want to and not one second before. I haven't smoked a cig in 15 years thank god, after a 17 year habit. It was the ONLY New Years resolution I ever kept.

I just can't help but wish I had convinced all my B-n-laws to start working out, I KNOW I coulda talked them into it, we always talked about getting into shape ... one day.

Now I know "one day" never comes as long as you just talk about it. Talk is cheap you have to DO it.

[nrsldy]

Dear flatiron,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been in your shoes and it really SUCKS!
In the past two years (as of Jan, 09) I haved lost 4 people in my family. the worst was my 22 y.o. daughter to cancer. She faught very hard only to lose in the end from lymphoma. Also my mother has cancer and still smokes. She was diagnosed in June 07, the day before my daughter was re-diagnosed. My sister-in law is a breast cancer survivor and continues to smoke. They can not say for sure any cancer is caused from smoking, but why do people continue to do so. My daughter never smoked, nor did my husband or myself. There is really no straight answer.
I am coming back to 3 fat chicks because my sister and I live 2 hours away from each other and this is one thing we can do together. Right now I am at my highest weight 170#, 5' maybe 2", and 46 y.o. Have another beautiful daughter and very supportive husband. I will try to log in at least every other day and keep in touch w/everyone. I am here to listen. God bless you and your family in this very difficult time.

Sherri

[beerab]

I'm sorry for your loss- my aunt died from breast cancer and it's horrible to see our loved ones go from being vivacious and wonderful people to wasting away to nothing and then one day being gone She died just before Thanksgiving in 1997

Don't blame yourself for not doing weight loss sooner- none of us ever know the future. But keep him as your motivation and work hard to lose that weight- you know he'd be proud of you

[susaninohio]

Flatiron,
I, too, am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father to cancer October 4, 2005. He had had Prostate cancer, lung cancer twice, and it was finally the Prostate cancer that returned and ultimately took his life. He had never been a smoker. We just lost my mother-in-law to breast cancer on September 6 this year. Cancer is such a devastating illness and anymore, it seems like there isn't anyone I know who isn't touched in some way by this horrible disease. Take care of yourself, and if you need help getting through this tough time, find it. Find things that make you feel better and bring them into your life. Best of luck to you.

Susan

[Pixiesue]

Sorry about your loss. I'm glad I have never been a smoker and I'm glad that two of my kids have quit,

[Okpik]

I'm sorry about your loss too.
I lost my Mum five years ago to lung cancer. She had smoked for years. Yet it still took me another three years to get it together and quit smoking myself. I'm proud to say I haven't had a cigarette since I quit on Jan 01, 2007. But it was a big struggle. Now I'm tackling the weight. Take care of yourself and congratulations for taking those steps towards a healthier you....I know it's not easy.

[BillBlueEyes]

flatiron - Sorry about your loss.