So...I work in an office that is all women. There has been almost NO comments on my decreasing size. None. And we made a video last year in which I am on screen walking and talking, and I look like the Michelin woman. (Someone else who saw it recently was surprised when they heard my voice, they didn't realize that was me, the change was so obvious. (And I have to dress well in my position so I have been buying a workable new wardrobe at every size change.)
In the past three days three different staff members have slid into my office, very anxiously, to tell me privately that they have noticed I am losing weight. Each has been very complimentary. The last one was visibly nervous and started by saying she didn't know how I would take this...I was busy being nervous that she was going to tell me I blew something bigtime, no she wanted to tell me that she noticed how good I was looking and that I have lost a lot of weight. I asked her why she was nervous...she thought my feelings might be hurt by the suggestion that I didn't look good before!
Periodically folks are disappointed at the lack of response to their diminishing selves. (I have been.) I now think that weight is such a loaded issue in our society that folks are afraid to say anything lest feelings be hurt.
Once, years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight and I had more than a few people say to me, "You lost a TON of weight. How much did you weigh before?" One lady went so far as to way over guess my weight, which p'd me off. I know I am extremely sensitive in this area. Some people aren't very gracious about accepting back handed compliments. (me!) It's probably past experiences that determine whether or not people say much outloud those that have lost weight.
I think it must be a sign of deep regard or respect that people haven't said much to you about it. I think a nice, "Wow, you look great!" wouldn't be offensive at all and is perfectly PC.
Congrats by the way on your accomplishment!
Last edited by Michelle98272; 11-25-2008 at 05:08 PM.
Yeah, I've found that it's far better to indicate that someone is looking healthy and fit rather than "OMG you've lost so much weight!". It's such a double edged sword at times.....and it depends so much on where we are in our heads at the time we are approached with compliments or comments about our weight. Seriously, we all know how hard we work at weight removal and we should be incredibly proud of ourselves but I think sometimes I am just in such a new place with my body that it's hard to deal with comments (yet if I don't get them after awhile, I wonder why not).
I truly think we have body morph issues for a long time after weight removal. Every once in awhile I catch a glance of myself in the mirror at the gym, and am blown away by my decreasing size. Then other times, I look in the mirror and I still see the 300 pound woman I used to be. It's an odd place to be....
I had an uncle who commented on how good I was looking, and then he quickly said, not that I didn't look nice before. Just healthier, ya know?
All he was trying to do ( and others have as well ) was try and give me a compliment. We do look better when we are healthier, why should ppl be afraid to say so?
I've even had a couple of ppl whisper to my sister that it looks like I had lost some weight, and my sister says, oh she has, you should tell her how good she's doing.
It really kind of is a ego boost for me to hear others saying they can tell and that I'm looking good
Last edited by Smiling_Sara; 11-27-2008 at 09:07 AM.
Yeah, I agree that sometimes people are a little reluctant to make comments (even compliments) because they don't know how it'll be received. And honestly, it really does depend on how they say it as to whether it's an awkward moment, heh. Like KrisR said, I think the best-case scenario would be to say that we look healthy and fit--that's the main point, after all, right? And you don't necessarily have to say "OMG you've lost soooo much weight!" because that would make me feel like "Well crap, did you think I was a total fata** before?!" Ha. Because I LOVE getting compliments, and I've actually been getting tons of them in the past couple days because I've been seeing people who I haven't seen in a while, heh, but it always turns a little awkward when someone specifically asks how many pounds I've lost, or asks the super vague question of "So, what's your secret?" as if I'm going to detail my entire regimen, LOL. I'm just like "Um... Eating healthier and exercising more..." and they look at me like "That's it?!" But I did already have a long conversation about it with 3 of my closest friends last night, and I actually feel good that I was totally honest with them about it, and even told them how much I've lost (which was really hard, because it's kind of embarrassing that I had that much to lose!).
Lol, okay so I've gotten a bit OT, but I guess what I'm saying is that I agree that it really depends on what you say, and how well the people know you. None of my family members or really close friends felt awkward about saying "WOW, you look great!!" right when they saw me, but like the OP I haven't gotten any comments from people I don't know too well, like some of the people at my school, or people I work with, etc. I'm not sure if I would want a casual acquaintance to say something about it, heh, because it's somewhat personal and I don't usually discuss private stuff with random people... It could be pretty awkward. But then again, I know that getting compliments makes me feel sooo awesome, so I guess it's a tough call!! That's probably why this topic gets so much debate, hehe.
Complimenting someone's weight loss can be a minefield. Different people receive the exact same compliment in very different ways. I just go with a very enthusiastic thank you to be sure they feel free to compliment me again in the future
I think what surprised me is the reluctance of folks to comment. "You look great" seems without any risk! They don't have to say anything about the loss specifically.
Previous threads have included lots of disappointment and unhappiness that there have been no comments about the changes that posters find so visible. I really wanted to post this as a reminder, for myself and others, that no comments may not mean no one is noticing (or that they are jealous/wish you ill etc), but merely that folks are unsure about how you might respond to what they say.
Its been a lesson to me...I'm making a point of complimenting folks more! Not necessarily on weight loss, but on anything, a great dress, a good hair day, looking great generally.
I think what surprised me is the reluctance of folks to comment. "You look great" seems without any risk! They don't have to say anything about the loss specifically.
Previous threads have included lots of disappointment and unhappiness that there have been no comments about the changes that posters find so visible. I really wanted to post this as a reminder, for myself and others, that no comments may not mean no one is noticing (or that they are jealous/wish you ill etc), but merely that folks are unsure about how you might respond to what they say.
Its been a lesson to me...I'm making a point of complimenting folks more! Not necessarily on weight loss, but on anything, a great dress, a good hair day, looking great generally.
I see my mom sometimes once a week, usually more like a couple times a month, sometimes less. Anyway, enough to see a little difference if you're paying attention . She always tells me I look great, but she also almost always says something about my hard work. That latter part always feels good to hear and makes it easier to keep going.
I can understand it and personally have always slipped up when people comment about a weight loss. Unless it's a close friend, I think they don't need to mention it. I teach my kids ever to comment on people's looks and I don't usually mention things like changes in hair color (gray to brown) or other body changes unless someone asks me what I think. It seems prying somehow.
Does anyone else just want their family to notice the loss? The last thing I want is to answer questions from people I barely know about how I lost weight and, believe it or not I've been asked "Why did you suddenly decide to lose weight." Please....
I just moved to a new town and am meeting a lot of new people at work and socially. I rarely talk about my journey with new people, but I did tell one of my new "friends" that I have recently lost over 75 pounds and there was a brief flicker of revulsion on her face, quickly replaced with a smile and noncommittal "mm, oh, good work..."
People don't always know how to process the information, it can be such a touchy subject. When I told and old work acquaintance that I had lost 12 inches off my waist she went on and on about how that would be more than half her body...she is 60 years old and can (and always has) fit in the same pants she wore in high school- yes, even after 2 kids.
I did learn one thing- when talking about my progress with most new people I simply say "I've lost some weight". Sometimes it's easier that way. I'll save my high fives and congratulations for close friends, my boyfriend, and -of coarse- here.
With me personally, I am very open about my weight and my weight loss, so it doesn't bother me one bit when someone asks me how much I used to weigh or how much I have lost, etc. I think I detach at those moments and usually people spark up and start to talk about the "issue" but in a very constructive way. Like "what can WE do" not "what you should be doing" if that makes sense. It tends to relax them and that allows me to have a conversation about weight and other health issues. They also feel good too because they can give you advice and not feel like it is unwelcome.
As for compliments, it is lovely to receive them. I love them, we all do, it makes you feel good. However, beyond the "you look good" type comments, it can negatively affect some people who are a bit less open about their weight loss journeys. Not to mention that weight loss doesn't always mean a person is loosing weight because of better health. It could be a health issue like an illness or something else that is causing the loss of weight. So, in that respect I think people fear upsetting others.
You'll see someone very upset that people have commented on their "before" weight in a negative way and people who have considered this a huge compliment. OF COURSE, it's loaded because who knows the reaction you're going to get.
You know, lots of people are the same. My SO's boss was the same. i'd lost about 8 lbs and he apparantely said to my SO "Has she lost weight? I didn't want say cos she might be upset". i mean, i'd love people to notice. i would be uspet if i'd put on weight and someone said but people don't want to say anything either way.
I would prefer people don't mention my weight at all. Gaining or losing. Cause even if they "mean well" there is the tendency to go too far and say something that ends up upsetting you. And then if you do regain there is the awkwardness over that.
I'll never understand
But I did already have a long conversation about it with 3 of my closest friends last night, and I actually feel good that I was totally honest with them about it, and even told them how much I've lost (which was really hard, because it's kind of embarrassing that I had that much to lose!).
