I have a huge fear of losing weight eventhough I do need to shed about 80lbs.
It is a little ironic...I am comfortable within this shell I have created and yet I long for my inner diva to come out.
I know people will look at me differently and I hope that I don't become bitter because I've always been here...just with a lot of "covering".
I was bullied and ignored as a child and into my early teens because of my weight and shyness. Will I find balance once I'm at goal?
Last edited by LadyBurchett; 10-01-2008 at 12:49 PM.
Hmmm, that's a tough one for me - I personally didn't feel any fear of being thin. I would say that change is scary - even good change. Being different is scary.
Maybe, instead of concentrating on thinness, concentrate on being healthy? There is nothing scary about eating right and exercising to make you a healthy person.
I did find people treated me differently when I lost weight. I would consider that 90% a change in MY PERSONALITY rather than my size. Losing weight gave me more confidence. I take more care in my appearance, I stand up straight, I make eye contact, I smile, I chitchat in line at the grocery store. I was always a friendly person, but I was always scared of rejection so I tended to reject first. Why should I be surprised when people want to interact with me more now that I interact with them more?
I fear loss in a way. I actually fear certain numbers. I fear the 100s quite a bit and I think that is part of the reason that it has been a year of hovering slightly above 200 but not being able to break through it. For some of us, weight loss is definitely a mental game. I've had so many trigger points in losing my weight that its not funny. I fear the unknown and for someone who has no memory of being below 200 lbs, its a scary thing.
I have often told people that it's a good thing I'm fat cause I could get into a lot of trouble if I were thin.
But you know what, I'm tired of being fat!
When I lose weight, who cares if I get a piercing or a tattoo? Who cares if I go out dancing or buy some cute clothes? I'll tell you who, no one!!! What matters most is my health and if I should choose to do something a little crazy than thats my choice, because I worked hard to get the weight off and finally feel free enough to be myself.
Well my kids might think I'm crazy, but you know what, I can live with that. But I can't live with the weight anymore, cause it's going to get me into a lot of trouble and maybe even kill me!!!
I never feared becoming "thin" but I knew that I wanted to be a lot less than I was at the beginning of my healthy eating.
Now that I am thinner by 118lbs to date I do have a few pangs of why did I not do this sooner? Though they are very short lived the pro's of losing this weight far out weigh the cons.
I have loved the shopping for clothes because like Glory87 said it has been a whole new wardrobe. I am not at my goal weight yet but certainly a whole lot closer. People treat me different now but that also maybe the fact I feel more confident and don't want to fade into the background. I have always been able to strike up conversations but now I am so much more out going. For the first time in I do not know how long I can look in the mirror and like what I see I take more pride in my appearance.
I am not at my goal weight yet and even when I reach that magical figure I will review it and decide whether I want to take it a little further. But I am sure enjoying being the "new me".
Yeah shopping is another issue with me... I hate it mostly these days. I loved it when I was 100 lbs more overweight though.
Even at the running store, the fit looking clerk pointed me to their plus sized 'rack' which was obviously too big on me but I tried a pair of size (non plus) L pants on and they were even too big.
Sorry that this is off the topic but wow, Nelie - for the first time I really looked at your S/C/G and realised you have lost over 160 pounds. That's beyond inspirational. Nice one mate!
LadyBurchett - Thank you for putting into words something that I think is an issue with many people. The 'insulation' and padding(psychological as well as physical) that extra weight entails is, I think, absolutely one of the reasons I began to gain. Losing brings up enough issues as it is, and this is one of the big ones. (no pun intended)
mazza- I'm glad you understand. There are some who don't see the connection. I suppose it is different if you only have 20 lbs. to lose instead of 80. Weight loss is emotional to some who are "outcasts" as children. They either accept who and how they are, they overcompensate or they form a shell.
Ufi- I'm trying to change my way of thinking almost like a complete overhaul. I've started to focus on me and not what others think of me and who I shoud be etc...I will be the same ol' Christina just with some improvements.
It's it going to take some time and I'm sure I will make it by time I reach goal.
Interesting conversation. I'm 38 now. 12 years ago, when Susan Powter was all the rage, I did her plan. I ate super healthy, exercised every day, and started feeling stronger and looking thinner. One day I walked out of the shower, completely naked, and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I could see all the changes in my body (had lost 40 lbs then) and felt completely terrified.
I stopped paying attention to what I ate, and started exercising less - consciously and on purpose. I weighed 240 lbs then...in the past 12 years it has crept up, and up, and up to my current 360. I haven't quite figured out what the fear was about. It was very vivid, though, and very conscious....and I would have done ANYTHING to not feel it again. And, I did.
But guess what, my weight is NOT the only thing that's changed in the past 12 years. I've done a TON of personal growth and right now have an excellent therapist. I've told her this story before and she's promised to have my back as I go through the process of getting healthier.
Has someone got your back? If not, I suggest you find someone. Fear is capable of making people do **anything.***
I do have a small but strong support system. Eventhough, I need them and love them...I don't need them as much as my own determination and as long as I stay focused, I'll make it through the valleys.
I know I'm late to this thread, but nevertheless....
I understand completely about your fears. I too had many fears. I used food as a crutch and I believe as a way of keeping people from getting too close. Being morbidly obese was all I knew for over 20 years and change, any change IS scary.
But it got to the point where my quality of life was so poor, that I was MORE afraid to STAY at the weight that I was then to be a thin person.
Well, all I can tell you is, that I am very glad that I "decided" to lose the weight. It was most definitely the right decision and I don't regret it for a teeny, tiny second. You don't lose it all overnight, so you get to adjust as you get smaller and smaller. And it's FUN. And THRILLING. And MARVELOUS. And FASCINTATING. You will wonder why on earth you were so scared and why you didn't do it sooner. And you will discover that you are waaaay stronger then you ever could imagined. Very empowering.
Good luck to you. I know that you too will not ever regret losing the weight and being the very best YOU that you can possibly be.
The fear of loss?
