[Transformer08]

Not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice, but it seems like at least a few people here make allusions to having dealt with anorexia in addition to bullemia.

I have a new friend, a former friend-of-a-friend who is in the process of becoming my friend as well. (I mention this, because I think this is my friend's territory to address as they've known each other a lot longer, but she refuses, despite being quite concerned as well, so I think this is up to me.) I know she has a history of anorexia (like on the order of 3-5 years ago), through my friend.

Anyways, to make a long story short, I think she's becoming/is anorexic again. She's lost like 15-20 lbs over the past 2 months. (And she was at a very healthy/athletic weight to begin with.) She has lots of reasons she gives for it, oh, I'm anxious about x so I can't eat, or y doesn't agree with me.

Is it at all appropriate and if so, would it be good/helpful if I addressed this with her? If so, how do I bring it up? (I don't want to get up in her business if it's not my place, but I'm getting a bit concerned, as the weight-loss has steadily continued.)

Thanks!!

[PhotoChick]

Hm. I think this could be tricky. As we all know here - talking to someone else, even a dear friend, about their weight can be taken very badly in very many ways.

15-20 lbs over 2 months isn't an unreasonable or dangerous amount of weight loss, in general. Even if she is at what you consider to be a healthy weight, she may feel that she needs to lose a little more. Also she may be under some stress and it may all rebound in a few months.

I think if it were me, what I would do is simply say "hey, I'm concerned about you losing so much weight so fast [even though it's not unreasonable, it's a good way to start the conversation] and I just wanted to let you know that if you're stressed about something or need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Really, if she is lapsing back into that state, no one will be able to *force* her to change ... but knowing that you're there and you care about her might help her.

.

[principessa]

Honestly, unless you are a trained psychiatrist/eating disorder specialist, you really shouldn't mess with the situation. If she *is* lapsing into anorexia again, you aren't really equipped to handle that, and if she isn't, you run the risk of doing a lot of harm to your friendship.

If it was me, I'd just be a good friend, make sure she knows you're there for her no matter what, and trust that if she needs to talk about it, she'll reach out to someone who can help.

[LakeEffectKid]

As a recovered anorexic, I am going to agree with principessa 100%.

Don't even touch the subject with her. Just keep a close eye on other behaviors (outside of weight and food) because an eating disorder will out itself. Anti-social behavior, paranoia, inexplicable anger/irritability.

I know you want to help, I really, truly understand. Confrontation is not the way to do it, a friend of mine tried that when I was in a really bad place (mentally), and I still, still, can not even bear to be in the same room with her. It completely destroyed our friendship.

[Bikini Dreader]

I would say I've had disordered eating for the past 10 years. I have thankfully, found a way to recover and was never hospitalized or got to a fatal state, I still struggle with disordered thoughts, etc.

Even at my worst though, there really was nothing anyone could say to make me change my mind. I would hear people express concern and it would make little difference. It certainly wouldnt change my behaviour. I think it is definitely important to be a good friend and create a relationship so that if she did want to talk to someone about it she would feel safe admitting she has a problem. outside that, there is nothing you can do.

Personally, if she's not a good friend of yours yet, you might want to reconsider putting effort into creating a friendship with someone in the throws of an eating disorder. I have had some friends with very serious disorders and honestly, it's not a well functioning relationship. It takes a lot out of you. I know I was not a good friend at my worst time.

Eating disorders are very tricky. They can go away and come back. I never consider myself fully recovered. I am a food addict whether I'm eating too much or too little, i use food and so I've learned to manage the issue but it is very difficult.

I know you are concerned for her and that's admirable. I hope it all works out. Look after yourself.

[shelby897]

You are a good friend to be concerned, but also a good friend knows when to be supportive, not confrontational .

[Transformer08]

Okay, thanks, guys! I really appreciate the help. I get the message and will just leave it be and be generally supportive of her life and leave the eating/weight thing alone.