I just read an article about food and relationships. More accurately, it centered on vegans and non-vegans, and if a vegan could date a non-vegan, etc.
My husband has always been very open minded and supportive of my dietary changes, but I've also never been overly restrictive.
Has anyone here had dietary choices make an impact on relationships?
Not just dating, but in friendships?
I've found that there is comraderie among like minded people ( Birds of a feather flock together), but could it ever be deal breaker?
Personally, I don't think it'd be that much of an issue as long as people were willing to compromise and not get holier than thou about thier dietary choices...
While my food choices do not run towards veganism (I'm admiring of it, but nowhere near determined enough, lol) they do affect my DH.
I have IBS, and certain things cannot be in the house, because the taste and smell just kill my tummy. Garlic, alcohol, cigarettes (not a big deal, since we don't smoke), and artificial sweeteners.
DH used to love garlic, but we haven't cooked with it in years because even the smell make me gag. If we're out and he eats it, he can't even kiss me for a day or so, even with toothbrushing. The smell still gets to me.
Does he mind? Nope! He's very sweet about it. I know he's fine with giving up certain foods in the house to make sure I feel healthy and not pukey, lol. He hasn't had cereal with cow's milk in years because of me, and he now prefers soy milk!
I hope this post is ok; I wasn't trying to steal focus away from veg/vegan diets.
I noticed recently the impact of diet on a relationship. My X has developed a maternity belly. When my DD came home from staying with him for the summer she said that if her dad was still living with me he wouldn't have it. I've always prepared reasonably fit meals when I had the time to cook. Therefore, that's what everyone ate. Now, his girlfriend is a good cook, but, tends to use alot of gravy and sauces and such, and even DD gained while she was staying there. So, unless there is some type of rebellion, I feel that the family cook is the one who sets the tone in the household.
PS. This in no way was a dig against the new woman. Everything I know and DD has said leads me to believe she would be a good one for him to hook up with permanently. And I wish them the best and for him to pull his head out his butt, and consider the possibility.
I think that at least with veganism it comes down to way more then just food choices, it's really a lifestyle, political, almost religious choice. It would be very hard to share a life with someone who didn't agree with you - any more then a mixed religion couple can make it work long term. I mean, you CAN make it work, but it would be very difficult.
As for friendships- well I am sort of faced with that right now. I have a group of friends I get together with and game at least every other week and they just get pizza and junk food and it's almost more about a binge of junk then about the gaming. I feel weird because they buy pizza and everyone is supposed to pitch in and then it's really hard NOT to eat when everyone around me is. It's almost tempting to just stop going to game night to avoid it all together - but I really don't want to.
I'm a long-term vegan (strict vegan for almost 8 years, vegetarian for 13) and I've only dated people who ate meat. It's never been a problem for me. In every relationship there is a lot of give and take and learning to compromise. Every boyfriend I've ever had (live-in or otherwise) had better respect my choices when it comes to food, just as I respect their right to decide what they'll eat. The only problems I've ever had were based on small mistakes like stirring a vegan dish with the same spoon used to prepare meat, or dealing with their families on holiday dinners.
Cooking can be interesting, but I typically make most of the meal vegan and add in my protein source and let them add in their own. This works even now that I'm cooking healthier. I either make dishes that I know my boyfriend will like (which, frankly, is just about anything ) or I make my healthier version and let him add cheese, sauces, etc. to his own.
That being said, I do know vegans who ony date other vegans, mostly for political reasons or for the "ick" factor of being around meat. I was raised by an animal rights activist so I can understand the mentality, but for me part of making sure this lifestyle was sustainable and liveable was deciding early on that this is a personal choice and something I tend to be a bit low-key about. If I happen to influence someone or educate them on the reasons or methods of being vegan then I'm thrilled, but I find I influence more people by living my own way and letting them see the benefits firsthand.
I think I've had the same experience with eating healthier. Back when I was younger and just starting to lose weight I was very gung-ho and tried to get my family to eat healthier, but I gave that up when I realized that people will end up doing what they want anyway, and that I can only hope to serve as a good example of how it is possible.
I will say, though, that being vegan has helped me a lot in terms of dealing with food temptation. I tend to think about a lot of foods not in terms of food but just in terms of things that are off-limits for me to eat, and instead of limiting me this helps me to focus on alternatives and ways of getting by without them. So if the boyfriend brings home, say, chips, then I have a much easier time telling myself that that's his food, and nothing I need to concern myself with
A good sense of humor goes a long way towards bridging the gap between different food choices.
Ive been a vegetarian since i was 7 (am now 21).
I always vowed i could never date a meat eater but when i met my bf he ate meat, but because of his IBS i advised him to cut it from his diet and hes been vegetarian for nearly 4 years. He ses he cant do the vegan thing tho, thats taking it too far cos of certain foods he will miss.
Im desperately trying to stay on the vegan thing, finding it hard but going to try and be strict!
Plus i have to do the wheat free thing.
What i find is annoying is most days he doesnt take into consideration what i cant have and starts joking about in front of me with all the food he can have. Some days when i threaten to kick him in the nether regions he stops, but because im doing it from the animal point of view i do see why it would be easier to go out with a vegan...but i reckon its all down to how you feel about each other and what your willing to do for the other person. So if they respect your decision and support you then its all good.
If your still in doubt then maybe you should discuss/weigh up your options.
Dont know if that helps at all?
Jade
xxx
My best friend all through highschool and college was vegetarian. I am (most decidedly) not.
But we roomed together for 3 years in college and it was never an issue. I'm not a picky eater, neither is she. We made an agreement that our "home" eating would be veggie, but there would be no recrimination about whatever either of us chose to eat out. She wasn't a huge cook, so I cooked for us 90% of the time and I learned to cook veggie and even vegan for the times that friends who were vegan came over. I never made anything with meat in our apartments. But when I ate out, I usually ordered and ate meat - often in front of her (since we went out together a lot).
It never caused a problem in our friendship ever. And the guy she married isn't veggie either. They have 2 kids now, one of whom is a teenager just beginning to explore veggie life and one of whom is a decided meat-eater.
thanks for all the interesting replies. I don't have a lot of experience w/ vegetarians or vegans, simply because I haven't met a lot of them. I have had wierd experiences with friends who were/are hardcore low carb... where when I'm eating something w/ carbs in it, I get a lecture about how evil carbs are and what I'm doing to myself, and that all my health problems would go away if I 'converted' to low carb.
I can't do it. I've tried, but on so many levels it doesn't work with me or my life.Lots of people can't accept that what works for one doesn't work for another.
It's kind of the same thing to me. Food is an important part of our lives for sustanance and for ritual. A lot centers around food. It's easy for me to say that it's not a huge issue for me, but then again, DH and I are very similar in our food tastes. If he was veggie, I could see this being a point of friction, simply because I can't stomach that many vegetables. It would severely limit our food options.
It_is_ kind of like religion, as someone pointed out. Since what we eat is a huge deal, and for many people for more than sustanance, it really takes communication and understanding between parties to figure it out. Also, like religion or anything we hold dear, any critical word or unsolicited advice can be taken defensively.
this topic doesn't need a thread, it needs a book.
I just had a problem with this on vacation with my SIL. Not really that I had a problem, but she did. I eat whole healthy foods 95% of the time and throw in a little junk here and there. My children are being taught to eat the same way. Example of discord : The first morning we got up she wanted to head to a bagel place down the street for egg, cheese, and bacon bagels. Since our destination for the day was the MN state fair (junk food galore) I did not want to start with junk too. We were staying with my other SIL and she had bought cereal and skim milk for our brkfst (my request). I said my children and I were going to eat brkfst at home, but that the rest could go have bagels no big deal...The SIL who had travelled with me got defensive and said hurtful things about me not being any fun and decided ON HER OWN NOT TO Go. She is obese and very unhappy with her lifestyle, but has no idea how to change and does not want advice. She's still in the "I've tried everything and nothing works" stage. I know that's where the anger came from, but it still was hurtful....Being crowded in a small apt for the few days we all slept on air mattresses on the floor...it took her several tries to get up and even had to rest between tries...my 13 y/o son privately commented to me that Aunt J can't find that fun...Spending that much time close together helped my children understand why we eat and exercise like we do. Anyway, this was long and drawn out..I hope you can understand it lol But yes, different eating styles can definitely affect a relationship in a negative way...life would be much better if we would all have JoyfulVegGirls attitude about it being a personal choice...I think I'm loads of fun even if I eat cereal for brkfst and go for long walks...call me crazy!
the impact of diet in a relationship
) or I make my healthier version and let him add cheese, sauces, etc. to his own. 
