Why is it such a big deal? I love who I love. My Mom made it clear to me this morning that she does not agree with it. I've been single since I moved back to Canada from Jamaica. and obviously my boyfriend was black. My Mom was snooping through pictures today and was like "Is this your boyfriend?" I said he WAS my boyfriend, then she goes on to say how she doesn't agree with black and white relationships. Thats not like her at all. Shes very friendly and non-judgemental?... What if the man I marry is black? I'm so confused.
i'm a mom. I"m not racist. i have friends of all races, all sexes, all ages, and all religions and political persuasions.
I am "white" my daughter prefers "black" boys. she is 16. we told her WE are ok with it (her grandparents were not too happy when her daddy fell in love with a jewish girl what will they do with a black grand-son in law) BUT that society as a whole still in 2008 is NOT happy about it.
she found a boy she likes. He likes her. he went home and told his mom he met a girl. her first question "is she white (he's black)" yeah she is. his mom said "you can't date her" he's as confused as she is. I get it.
A lot of it has to do with generational issues, and ignorance. I know a lot of "older" people who have nothing against people of other races, but frown on interracial relationships (I know, it really doesn't make sense). I asked about it once and the answer I was given was based off of mistreatments and prejudices that that person witnessed growing up. She told me that she felt awful about kids who she saw in school, who were the product of interracial relationships. They were shunned and made outcasts. I tried to explain that the world isn't like that as much anymore. People of mixed nationality or race are now often viewed as exotic and beautiful looking. But bad experiences can scar someone.
I am IN NO WAY defending it, nor do I understand it. What does the color of someone's skin have anything at all to do with who they are as a person? I'm just giving you another perspective.
I wish my Mom was as cool as you then. I seriously only find myself attracted to 'dark' men. I don't know why, it's always been that way. I tryed to date a man the same race as me, but it didn't work out. Nothing in common, music, style, etc. I just wonder if I did marry outside my race, if my Mom would disown me. My Dad is perfectly okay with it, he said as long as I'm happy he doesn't care if he's white, black, purple or green. I wish I knew someone who went through this with a parent, so I could take some advice!.
That's too bad about your Daughter's bf's Mom. Hopefully she can look past the skin colour.
First of all realize that you were born in a different era then your Mom. It used to be a bigger deal to people then it is now. Maybe she doesn't realize that times have changed? I know some people don't like it because they think your life is harder in an interracial relationship; harder due to outside forces and harder for children of said couples. I don't believe this to be true in most areas anymore. I'm sure there are areas where it could be a problem, but those areas are shrinking as our culture becomes more progressive.
My BIL is black and he's a great guy and wonderful husband for my sister. My niece is the cutest 5 year old I know (I'm biased.) They live in city that is very open and they have no problems in that regard. I don't think it matters who you love. I don't think race, sex, religion, etc. matter as long as you are happy.
Maybe you should talk to your Mom and ask why this bothers her? If it's for societal reasons, then maybe there is a way to show her that it's not an issue these days.
Maybe you should talk to your Mom and ask why this bothers her? If it's for societal reasons, then maybe there is a way to show her that it's not an issue these days.
Good idea. I think I might if she brings it up again.
smart parents get over themselves if their kids are happy and learn to deal if not actually like the inlaw children they originally did not approve of. and years later will regret missing the wedding. take good pictures.
Honestly, I was in an interracial lesbian relationship for two years and no one ever really gave us a hard time. The whole parental "I'm not racist, it's society" is a smoke screen, for the most part. They may not be overtly racist, but it's hard to get out a lot the things that are taught to you as a child and so they end up feeling mildly uncomfortable about it. If you live in back woods Mississippi then maybe it's a legit issue, but any reasonable sized city and you should be fine. Especially as a straight couple.
In the UK, my part of it anyway, part of the 'difficulty' is that inter-racial is also inter-cultural and inter-faith. You can bet your bottom dollar/euro/pound that (again talking about my part of the world) the guys from another race who're dating white girls don't even dare tell their parents about it. Sadly, most of the girls who get involved this way are good for one thing only, until the proper marriage is arranged.
I don't believe I'm racist - although I get tired, sometimes, of being an ethnic minority in my own country - and think black men are hugely sexy, I don't find life as black and white (sorry for the pun) as I used to. Sure a person is a person is a person. Sure we love whom we love - but love can sometimes be too blind, not to colour but to cultural expectations of a relationship.
And just to add, because I know that posting can sound colder than it's meant to, when I said above that life isn't as black and white as it used to be for me, I'm In No Way implying anyone else is being simplistic in their beliefs!!!!! Just, my own experience has altered my views considerably.
My parents always raised us to believe that everyone was equal -- they had black friends and had a black foster child for four years. However, when my first boyfriend was black my mom was uncomfortable with it. This was in 1982, so it was a while ago. No one really ever hassled us, but we did live in El Paso Texas, which has Fort Bliss (hence more mixed race relationships) and is on the border.
I think there are very few people who are truly color blind in every way.
Heh, I think it's funny because I've always been blind to race and I don't agree with Wife2abadge that there are 'very few people who are truly color blind." (That said, she makes a point, there are probably A LOT of people who aren't color blind completely, but some do exist, and I know a lot of them fortunately).
Mainly where I live, it's black and whites, although I've recently made friends with a laotian guy. So, I've always had a lot of black friends, much to the chagrin of the backwards hicks I went to school with. My mother wasn't too happy, she was raised a certain way and she couldn't STAND my bestest bestest friend from school, who was a black girl.
Now, fast forward in time, my mom is in her 2nd interracial relationship with a black man, and she said she 'ain't never going back'! I'm thrilled. My grandparents aren't. I am happy that she's embraced other races.
I am with a white man. But before him, I was with a man who was half hispanic, half white. And if a man is attractive, then he's attractive. I don't care if he's white, black, hispanic, etc etc etc, if a MAN IS ATTRACTIVE THAN HE IS ATTRACTIVE. I briefly dated a black/native american guy when I was 18 and he was beautiful. Of course, I've also dated plenty of white guys, and I am with a white guy now like I said. It doesn't matter to me, who I like, is who I like.
My best friend- not the one from school, but my best friend now- (that is not to say my other friend is not still a best friend, but she lives hours away now)- is a white girl. She used to date white guys and her parents are racist as ****, especially her father. She started dating black guys when we were 19 and hasn't gone back since. She doesn't want to date white guys any longer. Her current boyfriend is an awesome guy. As a matter of fact, I've known him way longer than she has, he's been a best friend of mine for years. I think it's great that despite the racist attitude in this little southern county, they don't care, all they care about is that they love eachother. She is getting an immense amount of pressure from her family about it and she still is with him. They claim that he is using her just because she's a white girl and he's a black guy. They claim he is this, and that. And it's all because of the color of his skin. That is ridiculous. I've known him way longer than any of them and he is a truly decent human being, unlike my friend's parents, and he loves my best friend. He calls me JUST to talk about her and how angry he is about the way her family treats her and uses her (they always hit her up for money and don't pay it back.) His voice actually raises with emotion, anger, and concern... He is not using her. He blatantly is in love with her. 'nuff said.
My boyfriend is a southerner (I am from the north) and his family uses that dreaded word... you all know what word I mean. And he never has. He and I actually met through a mutual friend, a black guy. And he is truly color blind. A lot of his friends are black and he has befriended all of the hispanic neighbors although the white people don't associate with them. My BF has the ability to befriend anybody. Plus, his idol is 2pac.
Anyway, I am color blind, my bf is colorblind (if he was the typical redneck guy around here, I could not be with him, I can't be with someone who is a racist), my mom is now colorblind, my best friend is colorblind... I enjoy the company of other races all of the time. I would love to know more hispanic, native american, and asian people, and recently became friends with an asian guy and we love talking about authentic asian foods...
I just CANNOT understand racism. I can't understand the thought process behind it, I can't understand the mentality, the feelings, the logic... JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT!!! Even if someone's been raised like that, I still just can't understand it. I was born in Long Island and there were only whites in that neighborhood where we lived. At school, there were two japanese twins who became my good friends. They were the first asians I recall seeing. I never saw a black person to my recollection until I moved to NC and my parents were racist. While my dad claims he is not, he still is without realizing it and they taught us to have the same attitude. In school in NC there were whites and blacks and mostly they were segregated from eachother. I somehow became friends with them and I've never had a racist attitude since.
I believe you CAN overcome how you were raised. My grandparents do not use the "n" word but they do make racial comments and they were not pleased at all to find out about my mother dating black guys. But despite this, my mother has overcome how she was raised when she found love with a black man, and now another black man. It CAN happen. Using how you were raised as an excuse is simply that, an excuse to remain being comfortable in racism.
Last edited by Fat Melanie; 08-30-2008 at 03:21 PM.
Oh man..
My boyfriend is "white" - born in Spain, grew up here.. family is Italian and Spanish..
My family is from Bangladesh, I was born here..
My mom is the same exact way.. I've been going out with my bf for about 3 1/2 years and once she found out about him, we went through a ton of drama.. She is in the mindset of two families getting married together, not just two people and she wanted that from me.. since all of her family is in BD and it's lonesome over here, she expected me to find a bengali boyfriend whose family would then become her family..
Ugh.. a lot of drama.. I don't agree with her because I love him regardless of race and I was brought up in a diverse part of NJ.. My mom doesn't have very many friends either so she can get judgmental at times and well it's tough. I know exactly how you feel!
Interracial dating?
. I wish I knew someone who went through this with a parent, so I could take some advice!.
I know exactly how you feel!
