[luckymommy]

Ok everyone, this is confession time. Yesterday, I had a birthday party for my kids and it totally stressed me out. I had one tiny cupcake at the party. Then, I came home and ate dinner (Lean Cuisine). Then, I had a bag of rice crackers (220 calories), 2 chocolate chip cookies from Costco (who knows how many calories!), and a bunch of huge figs (about 600 calories).

That brings me to the punishment part: This morning, I took my dog out for a walk/jog that lasted about 45 minutes. Then, I went to the gym and tortured myself for an hour of cardio, where I burned another 750 calories. I then did weights for about 25 minutes. I think I'm still behind as far as burning off my calories, but I think I'll just try to keep active the rest of the day and try to lose the weight by weeks end.

Why do I do this? Why can't I just be normal??? I work out so hard only to sabotage my efforts. I usually binge around TOM, but this time, it was the stress of keeping 26 kids and their parents happy. I'll try to just put this behind me and move on, but I'm glad I have a place to come and vent.

By the way, I didn't weigh myself this morning. I might be crazy, but not insane!

[suzanne]

Something about your post sticks right out to me. Punishment...and torture. Those are very harsh words for something that helps you achieve your goals. It's like saying certain food are bad, or that you have been bad by eating them. Getting healthy is a reward and cardio activities should not be torture. Maybe you need to find a different activity, one that you enjoy or if you must do things you don't really enjoy, think of them differently, not as torture. The longer you use the negative word, the harder it will be to be successful. Be kinder to yourself and find a positive way to view cardio. I run 35 miles every week and even when I was 60 pounds heavier I ran 12-15 miles a week. I have run for years and fell in love with it. It burns calories, is good for the mind, it is peaceful and something I can do alone or with friends. I also eat virtually anything I want and I still keep losing weight. This is all positive stuff and in no way torture. Hard? Sometimes yes. Sweaty? Yes. Do I get sore or over do? Yes. But I feel great and I owe it to cardio. You can do it but you need to change your mindset. Not torture or punishhment. Cardio is a good positive activity that will bring you good health, a positive outlook, and shed pounds. It is full of reward but you need to look at it that way, not as torture. Positive self talk really works.

[luckymommy]

Thanks so much for your post Suzanne. I think the problem w/ my post is that it doesn't read right. I used the words punishment and torture in jest and not in any way as a way to reflect how I truly feel. Ok, maybe a little! I actually see the ability to work out as a privlidge and am so grateful that I can go and undo some damage that I"ve done. Yes, my food relationship is problematic, that's for sure. But, my workouts are actually respectable and I think my friens at the gym see me as a hard worker, that's for sure. I WISH I could run, but I have an old foot injury that gets worse when I do it. Now, I just jog once in a while, such as I did today, but I couldn't do it for too long because it started to bother me. Anyway, thanks so much for your encouragement!

[suzanne]

I'm glad you were only partly serious bout the torture. It's hard to catch that humor in the written word. Keep up the incredible efforts. Look at your stats; they are terrific. Two thirds of the way there! And you are so right about being able to work out as being a priviledge. I work out at a place that has a program for people in physical re-hab. I appreciate being able to do what I can do without physical limitations that some folks have.

[kittycat40]

luckymommy hang in there...
get back on the wagon...
you are by no means alone

[luckymommy]

Thanks so much you guys. I really appreciate the support. It reallly keeps me going strong!

[beth4365]

Firstly, I love your purple flower! *smile*

Secondly, and most importantly, I think you did a great job of picking yourself back up after a fall. I think that's what this is all about. Please be kind to yourself, we need you!

[Spoz]

It's awesome that even though you feel awful and guilty you're doing something about it! I do this quite often but I just kinda sit around feeling sorry for myself. On the odd occasion I'll burn about 90 calories dancing my butt off but thats it. So chin up and hang in there, you're doing great!