Well hopefully someone will see this... man, this area has been pretty quiet as of late!
So, I just came off of working on a feature film with super super high definition digital cameras. So hi def that our makeup personnel really had her work cut out for her.
Anyway, I was going though all the behind the scenes footage, in which I appear in quite a bit of. This made me very nervous as I have never ever liked how I looked on camera. I know this is a body image issue and I've always appeared distorted to myself.
I was quite surprised when I started going through the footage and I appeared completely normal, as in, I appeared EXACTLY how I perceive myself in the mirror- if not a little slimmer
Over the 4 years of maintenance I know that my self image has changed. As discussed in previous threads, this experience of losing and maintaining has made me grow up and mature in ways perhaps that age just doesn't bring. But for the first time, it occurred to me that maybe this affected, damaged, body image has... healed. And I didn't even know it was happening.
That is an unbelievable feeling isn't it! It's that sudden "wow" moment where you catch yourself seeing someone who doesn't look like the same person you have in your head. And when you can admit to yourself that you look good on top of it!!
I haven't been maintaining for long enough and indeed I'm still thinking I need to tighten up and lose a few more pounds... but the skewed vision of myself is starting to heal -- right now there's just a couple stitches to help it start. And it already feels wonderful.
Btw, hi-def and looking good? that's like 20 times even better of a feeling.
That's something that has been happening to me lately, and I'm absolutely thrilled by it. I first noticed it in a yoga class (had written about that, but it got lost in the crash), and on the weekend there was a lot of picture-taking going on, with lots of candid shots - something I used to hate so much! - and I noticed the same thing. Strange but true: I look the way I think I look.
See, I've perfected this pose, both in front of the mirror and for taking pictures, that minimized (or was supposed to anyway) my flaws, my rolls, my double chin... and I also had a way of squinting, of almost blurring my vision so I would not have to see my true shape. But now I feel I can look at pictures and at myself in the mirror and don't feel the need for this kind of tweaking. My self-image and my mirror image are in harmony for the first time in my adult life, and while I 'm still quite a bit away from how I want to look at goal, I can fully accept the way I look now.
It took me a very long time, but yes, I look like what I expect (most of the time) when I look in the mirror or at a photograph. I spent so many years (decades) avoiding looking at all of me in a mirror and avoiding photographs, that I'm not sure I knew what I looked like.
I am now shameless and race to get into photographs, whereas I previously insisted that I be the photographer or have a child or animal in front of me. It took me several years at this size to get to that point.
I am now shameless and race to get into photographs, whereas I previously insisted that I be the photographer or have a child or animal in front of me.
It took me a very long time, but yes, I look like what I expect (most of the time) when I look in the mirror or at a photograph. I spent so many years (decades) avoiding looking at all of me in a mirror and avoiding photographs, that I'm not sure I knew what I looked like.
I am now shameless and race to get into photographs, whereas I previously insisted that I be the photographer or have a child or animal in front of me. It took me several years at this size to get to that point.
Congratulations!
Mel
nothing wrong with that. I think at first with pictures, I was amazed because even though I was sure I was having my picture taken, this other girl kept popping into the shot
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me_Amarie
Congrats Jen! That is awesome.
I have been noticing improvement in the area, but haven't quite gotten where you are! Thanks for the inspirations.
Thanks! Yeah, it was different than what I said above about being fascinated. This time, I was able to just see me. Not fat, not thin, not distorted in any way. It was so gradual I never saw it coming, but I really got a sense of peace out of it I hope you get there, too!
body image back into focus?
and prepping bride. Now, I won't say that I escaped the bags under my eyes 
