Aside from this forum, I haven't really told anyone I'm trying to lose weight. I know that I might need support from others, but I just don't feel like telling people. I think part of it is because if I don't stick with it (although i am determined to) I will feel like a failure. It's always been a really sensitive subject for me. My dad has always been really hard on me about my weight and just recently I recalled that when I was like 11 my mom offered me $200 to lose 20 lbs. I guess another reason I don't let anyone know is that it's like admitting I'm fat. I mean, I'm totally aware of it and I'm sure everyone else is to, but if I don't address it, maybe people won't notice. Anyway, when I went to work yesterday, one of my co-workers said "you look like you've lost weight" and I just said I've been sick. It's true I was sick, but I had laryngitis, so that didn't make me lose weight, I just used it as an excuse. There are a bunch of girls at work who are always trying to lose weight (and most of them are small, one in particular is tiny) and there is always talk of "there are X calories in that..." and I think it's annoying so I think that's another reason I don't get in on that. I went back home a couple weeks ago and I asked my mom if she noticed I had lost weight. She said she had noticed but didn't want to say anything because she knows its a touchy topic, a month before we went shopping and I broke down crying. I also told her I remembered the money offer. She says she didn't remember it but if she did it, she was sorry. I'm pretty sure my dad had put her up to it. My grandma also noticed that I'd lost weight, but she seems to think I lost weight even when I haven't. At the point, mentally, where I am now, I don't really want people mentioning it. I mean sometimes the compliments feel good, but at the same time it makes me feel bad for some reason.
I don't really like to tell people that I'm trying to lose weight. Actually the only person who really knows aside from all you lovely chicks is my mom who struggles with her weight as well. I don't like to bring it up a lot because I feel its just one part of my life, but when people do comment on my loss, I usually just say that I've just been trying to eat healthier and have been walking a lot. For some reason that's easier for me to tell people than saying I'm trying to lose weight. I don't know. It's kinda weird now that I type it, lol!
As far as you telling people, I feel like you don't have to unless you're completely comfortable. Come here for support, but keep your mind open. You never know when you might find a friend "in the real world" who is on the same journey as you.
Good luck and keep going! You're doing great so far!
Last edited by graciegoose13; 05-08-2008 at 04:25 PM.
i dont tell no one....
people notice and then i talk to them about it....
people whinge at me when i tell em cos they dont think i need to loose any!....
ohmanda, you are so not alone. I am pushing 40 and have had a weight problem since I had children (the oldest is 17) and I don't like telling people, either. For all of the reasons you mentioned - and more! It will get easier and there will come a day when you want to talk about it.
Gracie had some great advice and can I add that when someone says that to me I simply say, "oh, a little" and move on (or out..as in out the door!)
I don't tell people either. Because, as you say, my failure will be on display for all to see if I don't succeed.
Also, because I don't need people saying "should you be eating that?" or "you aren't allowed to eat that on a diet!" What I eat or don't eat is entirely my choice, same as anyone else, but for some reason if you're trying to lose weight, suddenly everyone thinks they're your "food police". There's a woman where I work trying to lose weight, and another woman offered chocolates around. She said to the first woman: "Oh no, you can't have one! You aren't allowed!" as if she was a child.
Alot of books will tell you to have a support system, someone you can talk to about weight loss, but I'm like you---no one knows. I'm a fairly private person anyway, so I just keep it to myself. My mom told me yesterday that I was looking too skinny. Why do people tell us stuff like that? I have lost about 10 lbs, but I am nowhere near skinny.
We can keep it just to ourselves here on the forum.
Your secret's safe with me
I'm another one who likes the compliments sometimes... but mostly I just don't talk about it. In fact, the other day I had to tell a dear friend to stop asking me about my food choices. She knows I've lost weight, so whenever we go out to eat, she's like, "Oh, can you have this?" "Oh, are you not allowed that or did you just not want it?" I just had to say, kindly I hope, that I would rather she not quiz me about my food all the time. She just didn't get it that maybe it was too much attention and inappropriate.
Oh, and did I mention that she weighs 120, maybe?
Anyway, just keep going and keep it to yourself, if that's what you're comfortable with!
Also, because I don't need people saying "should you be eating that?" or "you aren't allowed to eat that on a diet!" What I eat or don't eat is entirely my choice, same as anyone else, but for some reason if you're trying to lose weight, suddenly everyone thinks they're your "food police".
I'm so there with you too! I told one of my good friends who's done weight watcher before, and she keeps me in check, but if anyone else finds out that I'm "watching my weight" as they like to put it, then all of a sudden I have the food police around me watching everything I eat under a magnifying glass.
I made room in my points for this cookie damnit, and I'm going to eat it. I don't need anyone to tell me that I can't
I didn't tell anyone other than my family--and I don't see them very often. But, once I lost 15-20 pounds people at work could tell & would start quizzing me. I just try to down-play it.
I didn't mention it to my friends either. If we went out to eat, I just made better choices. About a month ago, I went to lunch w/a friend and she was so shocked when she saw me, telling me how great I looked (I knew what she meant!). I still don't notice a difference except in clothes.
I usually lie about how much I lost--giving a lower number than what I've actually lost. Right now, I'm telling those that know me best that I've lost 25 pounds when I've almost reached 35. I'm just weird that way.
UGH! I hate when people start talking about what your eating or not eating. It's also a big peeve of mine of people trying to push food on me. "It's okay if you have just one." It might be, but I don't WANT one. If I WANTED one then I'd eat one!
I TOTALLY know what you are talking about and feel the same exact way.
I almost always take compliments backhandedly... I don't appreciate people trying to cram compliments down my throat to try to make me feel better about myself because it's pointing out what low self-esteem I have - kinda defeats the purpose. I'd much rather have compliments without ulterior motives.
Yess..when you lose weight suddenly people feel they are entitled to monitor what you eat all the time. BUT you'll also get those who will stop at nothing to sabotage your progress, for whatever reasons. I get alot of both "Should you eat that? Is this allowed?" blah blah and "One bite won't hurt. You look fine. Just try it, it's good. It will hurt my feelings if you don't eat this." YIKES. Leave me alone! I feel like screaming sometimes.
Actually, most times I wish people wouldn't even mention my weight. PERIOD. "OHHHHHH my GOD. You look SO much better than you used to!"
Just the other day, my step-dad's mom goes "Honey, you look so beautiful! How much weight have you lost?" and I just kinda said thanks and changed the subject. So after I thought I had successfully avoided her question, she comes up to me out of the blue and says, "Over 100lbs right?? Because you used to be SO huge. I barely recognize you anymore. You've turned out really beautiful." Oy.
Do people even realize how incredibly rude they're being? I have no idea.
Well, count me in - I am keeping my weight loss effort to myself. It is not that I am exactly hiding it, but I would prefer if people noticed on their own rather than me advertising it. If somebody comments that I look like I have lost weight, I say "thank you, I have been working on it", but that's about it.
I work with men mostly, a lot of them are much much younger than me and most them go out at lunch time to eat burgers and fries, or similar stuff.
There is one colleague, fairly new, who I think eats fairly healthy (except for an occasional visit to "BadFoodVille", and jogs in the evenings. He commented yesterday when he stopped at my desk for some advice and I was just starting my lunch, "that looks healthy" and I know he meant it, it was not meant to be sarcastic. Anyway, where I am heading with this is that most of the people around would not understand since they don't have the same problem (- that is, at least, not yet).
I never told anyone except my DH for all the reasons mentioned. I can't believe no one has noticed that I have lost 40lbs off of my 5'2" frame, but they haven't. Sometimes it comes up in conversation that I am trying to learn to eat more healthy food - that is not exactly a hot conversational topic, either. People think it is wierd that I am all excited about making yogurt and whole wheat bread at home.
I know exactly what you mean about folks carrying on about how wonderful you are now implying that you were such a complete mess before you lost weight/got a haircut/bought a new outfit etc etc. I think they really mean well. Maybe it is just us being paranoid.
I don't tell people I am dieting, either , this saves having to hear the unwanted comments and unsolicited advice. Eventually people will notice. When someone says " Have you lost weight ? " I just say "yes. and I did it on purpose" so they won't think I am ill. If they ask " how much ? " I just say " a little " and try to go to another subject. I am happy that I have lost weight but don't want to be a topic of conversation.
hiding my weight loss
I just had to say, kindly I hope, that I would rather she not quiz me about my food all the time. She just didn't get it that maybe it was too much attention and inappropriate. 
