I am getting really depressed over the weight I have been gaining back since late last year.
When POP on LAweightloss I got down to 175.. But now I am 199.. I am so mad at my self. I don't know what to do.. I just can't stick to the plan anymore, all I want to do is eat.. and the more I eat the more depressed I get. Like even writing this right now is making me cry
I think I know the main reasons why I am turning to food lately.. I have only been binging at night and when dh works last. He has been working a lot more lately becuase people are sick or taking vacations.. So I am home alone and turn to food I just make myself so sick when I eat.. Another reason I believe I am binging is becuase of the stress I have right now and the pain I feel inside.. and instead of dealing with it I eat. we are currently going through an IVF cycle and I did not have a problem with all of this till I saw my paperwork back in January that had the dreaded words "infertile female" written on it. I just broke down when I read that.. I mean it is one thing to assume yourself.. but it is another then to see it written by your dr.
Anyhow.. I really don't know what to do or how to help myself. I would really love some advise. I was thinking of going back to the center.. but I mean for what? I can't even stick to the plan now.. I really don't know what to do
i know life can be rough sometimes, i love this quote
"there is no gravity the earth sucks!"
i cant tell you what to do to stop the eating, i guess because i'm struggling right now too, but i'd say just start small, but start somewhere.
i'm sure it is painful to discover you have a fertility problem, but take it from someone that's been adopted, i couldnt love my parent anymore than i do now, they adopted me when i was 3 days old. i have no clue who my biological parents are. my point is this, they love me and i love them and i wouldnt have it any other way.
Cheer up dear, I wish there was something better I can do to help you, but this is a phase, and it will go.
Sometimes we get disappointed, and depressed and everything seems harsh, and diffecult, but as they say "there's always a light at the end of the tunel".
I beleive you need to relax, take a break if you can, few days in a quiet place.. "Spa" or similar it's spring now, so teh weather isn't bad... and go for walks.
Excercise, or Yoga they release some of the tension a person can face.
As for the "fertility" issue, you need to be less stressed about it, my aunt went through this, and everytime, teh doc. woudl mention she ahs to be less stressed for it to happen.
I wish you all the best, and I wish I can help you more.
Good luck.. and cheer up...
ummm... do you have pets? they can help
or wear your Ipod, listen to something nice, and walk, while day ddreaming, does it for me...
My name is Kelly. My DH is a paramedic, so I know how it feels to not have him home some nights. On those nights I grab a book and go get on my recumbent bike, or turn the TV and grab my hula hoop, or put in some music and rock on my elliptical. You need to get moving. Sitting not only gives you too much time to just think, but it widens your hips (I should know)
Get up and move. You need to see this not as a diet, but as your permanant way of eating. I put a serving of grapes or berries in a cup in the Frig on days that I have the munchies. That way on the 15 times I open the door to the frig, I can just grab a grape or 2 and shut it, because I am not really looking for the food, I am just bored or in need of "something".
As for the infertility, all I can say is I am sorry that this is happening and that it is upsetting you so much. I can't begin to understand, but you need to believe that somewhere in this universe there is a child for you. It may not be one of your body, but it will definitely be one of your heart. Until then get healthy and happy, so that you can be the strong mom you will need to be when the time comes for you.
i eat out of boredom, loneliness too. But knowing that is a trigger is a good thing. Can you do a hobby? What about scrapbooking your journey through IVF. It could be therapeutic. I have also dealt with weight return. It starts slowly then i gave up and though " I am not meant to be thin" But think of small changes as stepping stones. You did it once, you can do it again. Maybe baby steps will help. Good Luck
For many years I lived with depression. I finally went into therapy and was put on antidepressants. I hated the stigma of needing medication to get through my life, but no kidding, everything is so much better. It took several therapists to find just the right one but the effort was worth it. At first I went weekly then eventually just once a month. Now I go a couple times a year for "tune ups"
You must take care of yourself! If taking care of yourself means going to someone else for advise and a shoulder to cry on- DO IT!
People follow patterns, sometimes those patterns are not healthy. Eating to fill a void is a pattern that can be changed, but you cannot do it by yourself. This problem is bigger then yourself, you are not weak, you just need help.
There are also groups like Over-eaters anonymous.
You were brilliant to go online and reach out for help. Now go the next step and find professional help. You are not powerless you just do not posses the right tools for the job! Promise me you will go to your doctor and tell him/her what you told us. Print out your post if you cannot talk, just do it.
It is soooo gooood to see you!!! I have often wondered about you since we last saw you
I first want to say that I am so sorry that you are unable to conceive a baby all on your own. I do not know your heartache, but one of my dearest friends is unable to have children, and I have cried with her through IVF and adoption possibilities. It seemed like she went though an entire greiving process. It doesn't seem fair. I also want to say that I truly believe there is always a reason things happen, and sometimes it takes a while before we are made aware of those reasons.......and sometimes we never know the reasons.........
You are going to be ok. You have already made the decision to start taking care of yourself again.......that is EXACTLY why you came here. And we are so happy you did. When one of us is struggling....it helps to remind all of us how this cycle of self destruction works. I am sure a bajillion members read your post and thought, "man, she sounds just like me." So, thank you for taking the time, and having the courage to post your feelings here. .
There is a lot of good advice already posted here, but I have to concur with Tuesday about depression. It sooooooo often goes undiagnosed. You have gone through a lot in the last year or so. It wasn't all that long ago that you quit smoking. That alone can cause depression. And now the baby business.......it does take it's toll.......no matter how strong we tell ourselves we are supposed to be. I might suggest that you print your post from here, and bring it to your family doctor. It is so difficult to begin a conversation about mental health.......so I say, "don't do it!!!" Just print it off and take it in. Your family doctor should beable to either guide you in the right direction, or prescribe something for you to see how you respond. And, I don't know if you are familiar with anti-depressants......but they do not change who you are. They just give you a boost of the chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. Kind of the same thing cigarettes used to do for you.....or what food does for you now. Except you don't have to feel guilty about taking them . They are often given for situational depression.........taking them does not commit you to a lifetime sentence of depression. You know how we have talked about faking it till you make it. Well, what if you can't? Antidepressants can sometimes get you over the hump.
As many have mentioned already.......there are many things you can do to boost those chemicals in your brain natually. Exercise is one of the best ways to boost your endorphines.....and if you can get yourself up and moving, even for 5 minutes a day......everyday........and then increase it......you will acheive a natural anti-depressant. This would of course be best.......but if you can't get there..........please please please, don't feel bad. That is how the cycle gets fueled. We know everything we "ought" to be doing.......yet we can't seem to do it.....and the guilt.........
Wow....sorry about the book......but you know me Candace......if you are here.........you know you are going to be ok There are so many tools to help us at times like this..........and I only mentioned two things that I am famiiar with.........but there are many more out there....now is your time to keep reaching out. You are SO worth it And you DH needs you to take care of yourself too.
I don't think it would be such a horrid idea to check out your center. A lot of people are unsatisfied with their centers......but you know, if there is one person there that you connect with.......that might be all it takes. Just stopping in there does not mean you have to make a committment to them. You know what Cassi always used to tell us.........just get up and go.
Anyway......whatever you do decide to do.....we are all here for you. There are not a lot of the olbies here....but there are so many neat people here.....and we are all just trying to hold each other up. I hope to see you here often
XOXO
I am sure others will have great advice. Keep checking in with us. And I don't
Holy crap.......Tuesday, you know, I only skimmed your response to Candance before I responded to her, and now I went back and read it, and it is almost scary the things we posted that are the same......
Thanks Ladies, & thanks Nicole! Good to see you too!
I am feeling a little better today.
As for the depression, I am actually Bipolar, I was DX at 11. I am on 2 meds for this, but they have been decreased a lot in order to be safe for a baby. I have had these decreased meds for over a year now, so that might be a reason why I am feeling down.
today is a new day and I will take it one step at a time.
I know how hard it is to stop eating! I seem to have this little voice in my head that says I would feel better if I ate the M&M's and ice cream. The thing is that it is just NOT TRUE. That little voice is so wrong. So I've started a little mantra that I repeat over and over again to myself, since apparently just saying it once or twice is not very effective. My mantra is, "that won't make me feel better". Since it just won't. Say it to yourself next time you are holding the junk food in your hand, and you might find that it is easier to put it down and walk away, since it is not going to make you better.
So sorry that you are having difficulty conceiving. It is a rough thing, but the doctor can't know for sure that you are infertile. I know people who were told that there was less than a 1% lifetime chance of them ever conceiving, who did. They just can't know. So relax, things do happen for a reason, even being childless, if that is your fate. My fate was to have only one, and I had wanted more than that (badly),but now I can't imagine my life different from how it is, and it is good.
Hey there Candice.. Glad you posted.. We've missed you!!!
Everyone has given you some good advice, so there's little more for me to add.. But you know me, I can't ever not say anything!!
Part of the problem is the physical presence of food... If you're binging at night, get rid of the foods you're binging on.. That way, if you HAVE to eat, you're left with fruits and veggies...
The other solution is to go to bed earlier... I found early on that my late nights chatting with friends on the computer or watching TV led to me eating more.. Now I pretty much go to bed after the kids.. Even if I just lay there and watch TV and listen to Liz snore (did I say that??), it's at least keeping me out of the kitchen...
Also, and I know I'm always using this as a point, the good feeling you get by emerging victorious from your cravings sure and heck beats the momentary false comfort a mouthful of junk food brings... I think part of the depression is definetely caused by feeling defeated by giving into the cravings...
Weight loss is a mental thing in MANY ways.. If you're not mentally there, it's not going to happen.. So you need to take baby steps...
Candace...WOW...look how far you've come!!! Your ticker shows IMPRESSIVE loss, and I am convinced that if you can do that (especially in addition to all the things you've gone through) you can do ANYTHING. Hang in there!!
Jules
Aw, It's alright. Just calm down and take a couple deep breaths. It's okay, I'm new to this forum and seeing your ticker made me go "Oh my! WOW!" so if you could do it once, keep at it. Don't lose hope, ever.
(:
I really need someone to talk to :(
i know life can be rough sometimes, i love this quote 
)
. They are often given for situational depression.........taking them does not commit you to a lifetime sentence of depression. You know how we have talked about faking it till you make it. Well, what if you can't? Antidepressants can sometimes get you over the hump.
