[Fawchy]

Hi (: I'm quite new to this forum, but figured this is where I belong... so I thought I'd give you my story. I just want to point out that I'm Swedish, by the way, so everything I say in English may not make complete sense. :P

Two years ago I was diagnosed BDD - it's a mental condition, compared to anorexia nervosa although patients suffering from BDD thinks of themselves as too ugly instead of too fat. Before then I had been hiding in my home - away from my friends, school - everything, thinking I'm too ugly to deserve going outside the house. That was my way of thinking, that I was doing everyone a favour by keeping away. But then I started seeing a shrink, and I started to feel a bit better (I still may not have very high self-esteem, but I only stay home in case I've run out of mascara or something similiar). But when I was staying away from the world, food was like my only company. It didn't judge me by the way I looked. So I just ate, ate and ate back then, and naturally grew quite heavy. Since I have been working on fighting my BDD I have lost some weight (though not much), but now is the time when I want to do something about it consciously. But I can't keep away from the food sometimes when I'm feeling really low, even though I know I'll only feel extremely guilty if I eat it.

So, from this day and onwards, I'll be fighting this. I don't want to comfort myself with food anymore. Plus, I think it would boost my confidence if I lost some weight, but that's impossible now, seeing as all the weight I seem to lose by exercise, I gain by binging. So the tracker down there is probably not accurate anymore... I'd say that I'm back to zero, after this afternoon.



Lots of love
xxxx

[marny]

Hey there-

You are so very welcome here!

I have an American friend who has lived in Sweden for over 10 years, and she absolutely loves it there. She works as a translator.

Although I can't completely understand what you go through with BDD, I did spend much of my time before program assuming that people would be happier without me around. I believed that they would be thankful and relieved if I didn't attend a party or gathering that they had "felt pressured" to invite me to because I was undesirable in my own mind.

OA teaches us how to get out of our obsessive thoughts about ourselves, and instead focus on our higher power and serving others. Through working the steps, I have been able to forgive myself, forgive others, and let go of the past that I had been eating over.

I now have the tools and the support to live each day according to my higher power's plan instead of according to how I think others want me to. It's a tremendous relief to not worry about what others think.