[Loraloo]

How am I supposed to want to go to the gym and eat properly when I HATE what's going on in my life right now!!!!! I need motivation and I hate that my heart is heavy and I can't get over it yet! I know that I really want to lose the weight and finally look the way I want, but now I've lost the motivation because the person I wanted to look good for (other than myself) doesn't want me anyway. This is my brain right now... with a whole lot of over thinking and anger with that. I don't know what to think.. how am I supposed to want to look better if I don't feel better anyway.. I wish I had a personal cheerleader that could stand in front of me and cheer me on just so that I don't quit and binge because that's ALL I want to do right now!!!! HELPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEE! Words of Wisdom? Personal Experience? GIVE IT TO ME NOW! ... Please cause I am >>

[Commit4life]

Yikes! Sorry to hear that you are having issues that are making your weight loss a bigger challenge. If this helps:

I noticed that when ever I was Man-less- I always felt better about myself, looked better because I took the time to look pretty, and loss some weight because I had the motivation to REALLY look good for ME. But I always ended up with a new BF too soon and put the weight back on and then some. Go figure. LOL. Being single gives you time for you- more time for the gym, less temptations to eat out and eat bad food, etc.... And the fact that you want to meet some one new is a good motivator too.

I'm not sure what the whole story is... but you can't force someone to be with you. If for what ever reason they want to go... let them. Trying to win them back or change for them is a waste of time and you'll be miserable. Maybe this is the life changing event you need to kick off your weight loss. Be positive. I know it sucks and its hard though.

[Jelbb]

Here's how I see it:
It totally sucks when the person you want doesn't want you back. It's a huge self-esteem blow, and really makes you just.. want to eat an entire truck of anything that's 500 calories+.
What I rationalize though, is that when I stick to my guns, stay on track and keep losing more weight, I'm making myself look better and better... and eventually, when I find a new person who I want and wants me back... I can flaunt in that person's face how fabulous I look.

Yeah, so it's not necessarily the "big" approach, but it's most certainly the fun one.

[zenor77]

It sucks when the one you want doesn't want you back!

Here's the thing though, DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!! I know it can be hard to look at it this way, but losing weight for an external reason (i.e. a guy or family or whatever) is only going to lead to failure. YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worthy of having the body you want, but please do it for you and not for someone else!

You can do this! I believe in you!

[violaholladay]

The thing is you need to want to be healthy and look good for yourself, there are plenty guys out there and you never know who you'll be with in the future. If you want to work out and look good for someone else think about this. There is someone out there for you. He's just waiting. Try working out and eating healthy for when you finally meet him. We're suppose to want to be healthy for ourselves, not other people, but when your young thats not always that easy. So try this idea and see if it works for you.

[bodyTOObootylicious]

Ohhh boy, I know just how you feel... as these ladies will tell you from my "woe is me" posts a month ago, I had a breakup on similar terms with my boyfriend of about 1 year. I was devastated-- the one who I spent all my time with, slept in his bed every night, and who cheered me up whenever I was blue-- was gone from me.

But you know what? I finally got on a diet the very day it ended.

For me, relationships are all about "we." I've been in and out of relationships for the past 4 years, never taking much time to remain single, and I'm finally seeing how happy it can make me to say "I," not "we." I know that it hurts at first when all you can think about is what you're losing, but I promise that with time the hurt will pass and you'll begin to realize all that you are gaining (and I don't mean weight-wise! ). This is especially true if your relationship was not very healthy/not functioning well (which is usually the case near the end when a breakup is imminent)... you'll be surprised that, once the initial pain passes, you'll feel very free and relieved.

Dieting was my way to forget about my breakup and focus intently on one thing and one thing only: me. Everyone tells you to "do it for yourself" and I know that can be hard to think about when you're still fixating on the "we" that you no longer have, but just have faith that things will get easier. Within a month, I am able to say that while I am not entirely "over" my ex, I am over the fact that the relationship ended, and I'm even happy about it. I know that you'll be able to do the same, and in the meantime just try to stick it out and keep telling yourself "it's going to get easier."

Send me a PM if you ever need to talk more about the breakup... I know that when I had mine, I wanted all the support I could get until I felt back on my feet.

[niclyn]

I agree with Jelbb happiness is the best revenge.

We've all been there and though it seems like the end of all things happy...it will get better, there is just no magic way to make it better faster.

Get out there and do your thing, and get your butt to the gym! You always find someone when your not looking (that is how I met my husband!)...who knows you might even find your happiness at the gym.

[Shorty1985]

I have a somewhat similar story...

I dated my bf for 4 years, and then decided that he wasn't "the one" and things weren't working quite right. So... I broke up with him. I had never lived on my own before or made choices all by myself before. (We moved in together as soon as I graduated HS) So me living on my own without him was weird, confusing, and depressing...even though it was all my choice. Now, I started eating healthy and trying to lose weight and it's bringing UP my self -esteem. I will get skinny and flaunt what I got. There are other people out there that will appreciate me and what I have. Most importantly, I feel good. I run and run and run and sometimes just daze off thinking about other things. I run harder when I'm upset...trying to just run it right out of me. LOL So anyways, the whole purpose of my rambling is: Do this for yourself. make yourself LOOK and FEEL GGGGGGGGGGGREAT! You won't regret it. Instead of turning to food when you feel depressed, go for a run! I DO know how stupid that sounds..trust me...it works! Good luck! <3

[modkittn]

It is hard when someone you want doesn't want you But you have to be in this for YOU and not for anyone else!

[Loraloo]

Thanks guys, that does help, and you'll be pleased to know that I did go to the gym last night and I'm planning on going again tonight. I only did a half hour of exercise, but at least I went right? I plan to stay longer tonight and I set a goal for myself. Last night I did 3250 strides on the eliptical in 28 minutes and tonight I'm going to shoot for 3500 in 28 minutes and maybe do double the workout I did last night. Plus, they're offering classes tonight so I might just do one of the circuit training ones too.

[wisher]

Just get off your butt and DO IT! Go to the gym, make yourself a healthy meal, whatever! There are going to be so many times during your weight loss journey that you don't want to do it but you have to anyway. You're not always going to feel enthusiastic and gung ho about losing weight so you need to simply commit yourself to it regardless of how you feel. Once you make yourself do it you'll feel better, I guarantee!

[BrandNewJen]

The last time I lost a ton of weight and got down to a size 12/14, I did it for a boy. Ugh. In college.

And what's worse: the guy was a semi-pro BODYBUILDER. I mean, come on- was I CRAZY?!?! Of course, he didn't end up dating me.

But the more I lost the weight, the happier I was and the more MOTIVATED I was. My sister used to tell my mom "well, she's only doing it b/c of that guy at school" and my mom is like 'hey, whatever gets her motivated"

But by the end of it I wasn't doing it for him. I was doing it for ME. I would go to the gym with him and pump iron and not care what he tought of me as a potential girlfriend, but rather what he thought of me as a weightlifter. A gym partner.

Anyhow--- screw that guy. just TWO MONTHS after I came back to school after my amazing weight loss over the summer and with no different reaction from bodybuilder guy... two months later I met my future husband.

So THERE stupid boys!!!! Hey, start losing weight for them and eventually you'll lose it for yourself.

[SouthLake]

Just remember that in the tough times, gym time is "you time" I got myself to love the gym because I convinced myself that the gym was me-time. I was only there for me, and I was the only one who benefitted from it. Eventually, I began to see my hour at the gym as my hour to think about anything I wanted, to focus 100% on me-me-me, and not have to worry about or even consider anybody else. It made me feel happily selfish and indulgent.

[M a g g i e]

i totally understand the motivation thing, but here's what has helped me. maybe it'll help you!

First, visualize the look on his face when he sees your hot smoking new body and the fact that YOU don't want him anymore (because he's so not worth this current feeling of rejection)

Second, Treat yourself! Set up a reward system. If you like to go tanning or shopping or watch tv or movies use that as motivation. Like if i go to the gym 3 times this week I get to go tanning, shopping, nails done, etc. Or reverse that and say if i don't workout today i can't watch project runway tonight.

Third, i know that people say you shouldn't do this, but i recently printed off a bridesmaid dress that i'm going to be wearing to motivate me to look as gorgeous as the girl in the photo and it seriously helps me to look at it and then think about what i was about to do or eat and tell myself it's not worth the frivolous calories now...if that made sense

Fourth, Dance! Just put some music on (some nice fem rock works nicely!) and dance yourself happy! It's a good feel good thing to do!

Good luck! Remember, YOU are worth doing this!

Edit: oh yeah, and focus on your being happy. don't rely on other people because that isn't stable. however, if you are happy with yourself and a happy individual, you attract happiness and other happy people (including guys who like you for you!)

[Loraloo]

Thanks Maggie!! That's a really great idea about the reward system.. I'm going to see how it works for me! So we actually talked last night and I basically sat him down and told him exactly what I want and how I feel. It actually went a lot better than I thought it would. I was able to be open with him for the first time ever and it's very liberating. He did however admit that he has a problem with commitment and that he was worried that it might not work out.. and I was like.. yeah and the world might end tomorrow too!! I told him that we shouldn't just not be together because it MIGHT not work out one day. I'd rather that than say, wow i really regret not saying something or trying it out! Thanks so much for your support guys! It really has helped!