I'm a pretty new poster, but longtime lurker. I need lot's of support right now and figured this was a good place to get some. My husband is moving out tomorrow. We've been married for 20 years and have 3 children. He has always had a gambling problem, but it didn't really affect our finances until the last few years. He has slowly depleted all of our savings and now I'm pretty much left with nothing. I KNOW I need him out of my life, but I'm scared too. At 42, overweight and with 2 kids living at home...I didn't expect to end up like this. On top of all of this, I'm currently being tested for an autoimmune disease. For the second time in two years, I have developed fluid around my hip and my ankle joints, without injuring them. The doctors don't know why it's happening and I'm sure I have a long road of tests ahead of me.
On the bright side, I've started my weight loss journey and have currently lost 9lbs! I know I have to be healthy for myself and my kids more so now then ever. I have made drastic changes in my eating habits, and plan on making some drastic changes in my life too.
I really need some support right now....and I may lean on you guys pretty hard for awhile...so please bear with me. Lisa
I wish you the best,take one day at a time. do the best you can each day, it is great that you have made a good start on your weight loss.
It is tough going through what you are going through but it does get better, I have been there and I know it is hard but it will get better,
My parents divorced after 20 years of marriage 18 years ago (I was 19). I remember how my Mom felt after the breakup. It was hard at first, I'm not going to lie. BUT, I think my Mom had to remember that she had to live her life, even if the road she was on changed. She had to take time to mourn the loss of her marriage, but she emerged a better person. You will too. You'll discover strength you didn't even know you had.
Sounds like your husband needs help. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope your family gets the counseling it needs.
Hang in there and believe in yourself. Congrats on the 9 pounds! Don't give up!
Hey! Congratulations on your weight loss! It may be hard for you to stay on your plan during the next while, but try your darndest not to gain and you'll be doing good!
Sorry to hear about your difficulties. Have you talked to a lawyer? If not, do so right away. Many women tend to ignore the need for legal counsel in such cases--don't be one of them.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know that this isn't what you thought your future would be...you can lean on people in this board, that's for sure.
Like JayEll said, get a lawyer and protect yourself. Sort out the finances. Here's praying that your husband will get the help he needs...
Maya
Thanks for the support. You honestly don't know how much it means to me right now. As soon as I can afford to, I'm going to see a lawyer. First I have to concentrate on paying my bills this month!
I work as a nurse, so I can usually work a couple of extra shifts if things get tight. I know I won't be able to count on my husband for money until I go the legal route. He's very spiteful and angry right now. He blames me for our problems. I knew a long time ago that I couldn't change him, and I went to counseling for myself. I'm hoping to use all that I've learned to get me through this.
As I said in my post, right now I'm dealing with this ankle effusion that may be related to an autoimmune disease. Getting healthy is my number one priority. I HAVE to lose weight and eat healthy in order to feel better. Unfortunately, it took the possibility of an illness to finally wake me up.
My plan is to post and read posts on here regularly for the support I need to keep me on the right track. I KNOW I can do this. I am ready to start a new life. Thank you all so much for being there for me. Lisa
Hugs to you. I know it has to be hard for you...but this may be a great thing. First you are getting the burden out of your life...i know you probably love your DH...but unfortunately he is a burden to you and your kids if he is gambling and wasting money. So that will be one less stress. And i know its going to be stressful, but there is support and help out there...in fact, look around, there may be free legal advice low income provided by the state..i'm not a lawyer so i wouldn't know...but there's a bunch of stuff out there.
As for weight loss...good for you!!!!!! Just remember, weight loss is one thing in life you CAN control. You can decide to eat healthy and exercise. You can't control a lot of other things...but you can take control of your life by taking control of your eating and exercising. Good luck and you can do it. You may shock yourself and find out how much better life is with these burdens gone. I know this is a very scary time for you...but be strong...and you will be okay. Good luck and i hope they figure out what is wrong with your healthy.
First of all congratulations on your weight loss! I am in a similar situation right now although for different reasons. My husband of five years and I have been seperated for 5 months now. I don't know if you are a religous person or not but give it to God and he will take care of it. I am always praying and if it his will it will be done.
Remember to take care of YOURSELF and stay strong!!!!!
I know things sound very scary and unknown right now but I want to commend you on making a positive step in your life. One that I haven't been able to find the strength to make. I've been married to a gambler now for 10yrs. and it is devastating to a marriage. I applaud your courage and wish the very best for you. We have so much in common that it is unreal. I have an underlying Autoi-immune disease and Liver Disease. Many, many times I thought I'd "get out" too, but stayed cause I was too sick to work, severely overweight and I needed his insurance. I'm currently disabled but have worked 20 yrs. as an RN in my past.
I'm really sorry that you are in this situation, but truthfully I envy your strength and know that a better life awaits you.
I am just bawling my eyes out reading your posts. I think it's all this pent up emotion I've kept secret from my friends and family. I've tried so hard to give the image of being "normal" to everyone, I didn't realize how much it was taking a toll on me. I think I just need a good cry and then I'll feel better. Thanks again you guys. XXOO
Hugs, if you ever need to chat feel free to PM me. I have been living through this too and I know how hard it is. I also kept things a secret from my family and friends to keep up the appearance of having a "normal" marriage.
Also, congratulations on your wt. loss. Losing the wt. throughout my ordeal (that I'm still in) has helped me gain some self-confidence. Even though we are still together for now, it certainly makes me feel like I do have more of a choice now. We're both in counseling right now but I don't hold much faith in it working.
Oh I'm sorry you're going through this, it's tough. Especially as your H is being spiteful - remember he's acting out of fear and hurt (even though he brought a lot of it on himself). Ignore him as best you can, ask him to give you space if he's hounding you and make a lot of time for yourself. Be kind to yourself, keep up at the weight loss as it's a treat for yourself.
((((hugs))))) and stick around, I'm quite new here but this place looks fab. You might also want to read up on a site called "divorce busting". It's mainly for people trying to save their marriages, but it has some good articles on taking care of yourself. Sounds like you've given your H the wake up call, if he refuses to deal with his gambling habit then he's a fool.
Husband of 20 years moving out tomorrow.
Good job on the 9 lbs . I'm glad you are here.You will find lots of support.Hang in there.
