Well, after spending a week at disneyworld, going from 9 am to sometimes 2 am at night, basically, sweating all day long, i developed what I thought was a heat rash, under my chest. No big deal, some cortisone cream, and Ill be all good.
Nope. 4 weeks later, Ive found, as it spread, its a yeast infection on my skin due to the folds of skin. FOLDS OF SKIN. OMG. When did I get obese and have moisture trapping folds of skin? Not me, I told myself.
Halfway thru the trip, I also found, my right ankle has locked up and can no longer support me walking on it. Just stiff, right. Nope. I sprained my ankle, just by walking on it at DISNEY.
Then came the pictures. My size 22W cotton shirt is too tight on my 5 foot frame, and all my fat is showing. Im sweating, of course, look like ****.
I dont know how I left this happen to me. 210 pounds on a 5 foot tall body. The pictures disgust me. The rash embarrases and abhorres me to no end. Yet, I still think, well if I stand in this position or wear black, I dont look like that. Denial.
Has anyone found, in their journeys, the steps to getting past the denial that Im not as good looking as I think I am? I mean, I know, Im a beautiful caring person, but, health wise, does anyone knwo what I mean? Anything worked for anyone? What was your final OMG moment that kick started your journey?
Please let me know, Im so desparate. Oh, yeah, the other thing, I was diagnosed with pcos that the doctor said is tightly knit with my obesity. Again, that word, Im not obese!!!!!
I know, that this is and will be a life long journey for me to get to the crux of why I eat. Why I live to eat, instead of living to eat. I think about food all day long, and I get excited for the next meal. Then I get excited about hitting the couch, with my tivo and my dog, for a night of watching tv. Anyone out there living similarly?
Yes I can relate to having to lift to get to an area to clean, and guess what, more rash spots there. Sigh.
Sweating
Cant breathe
cant fit into normal clothes
cant walk wo pain
pcos
cystic acne due to hormone problem associated with pcos
want to sleep all day, anyday im not working
Im on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds....I had always been very athletic in school and college. I was a runner. And now. Here I am. Im so glad to have such a great group of folks to make me feel Im not alone after all. Thanks for the words of encouragement!
Yea. I love eating and living on the couch most of the time. Right now I'm in exercise mode though. I too have had some health scares. (I'm in my fifties) I've got high blood pressure. I've had some chest pain and dizziness. I've had chronic foot pain from being heavy and walking a lot. Metabolic syndrome. Triglycerides are high. Had gout. On meds. Teeth falling apart. Route canals. Doctors shaking heads. Of course I've been wearing the biggest clothes Walmart stocks for years. Being uncomfortable. Feeling full, but still eating because something is missing. Convinced that dieting and exercise plans are only a temporary solution. Convinced from experience.
Fluff, your heel pain sounds like it might be plantar faciitis. You can look it up on foot.com if you're interested. There's some stretchy rubber band like stuff on the bottom of feet under the skin. When you take a step, this stuff helps absorb the shock by stretching. If you're too heavy it can tear and produce a chronic pain. I've found that heel cups, rest and tape work. Ignoring it is not adviseable as chronic pain can lead to calcification of the stretchy stuff and permanent problems.
I can identify with so much of what you wrote. I have lived for many years in denial of my problems. I think we all come to a point where we can't avoid the truth anymore. For me it was being down to the last 3 size 24 shirts in my entire closet that fit and then getting a hole in one of those from washing it too many times. I panicked about not having anything to wear and not knowing where I was going to find something bigger than a 24. It was climbing the stairs of my house and being winded. It was standing stock still in an air conditioned store and sweating from nothing more than the exertion of holding myself up in a standing position. And my feet! God, my feet hurt so much. It was realizing that I am coming up on my 36th birthday and knowing that my childbearing years may soon be over (or may already be over given a friend of mine who at 37 was told she waited too long for kids) and I have yet to find a guy who would want to marry me in my unhealthy state. I am convinced I have PCOS (as I have every symptom), but have been too scared to ask the doctor about it. So I had a meltdown. I didn't want to live like a fat person anymore. I couldn't bear the thought of that being the best I was going to ever feel for the rest of my life. And at the rate I was going, who knew how long that would be?
I believe that hitting a low point like you have is a gift, not a punishment. All you have to do is DO something with that gift. Get angry. Get a plan. Get to work! In less time that you could ever imagine, you will feel better - just for having gained control of your life. I know you can do this. And you are so far ahead of some of us who didn't wake up until much, much later scale-wise. You can break the cycle of living meal to meal. You can still enjoy your couch, TIVO, dogs, and a snack. Just not so much of it!
oh em, you look fabulous no matter how much you weigh. but the great thing about life and weight loss is, if you dont like how much you wiegh you can lose it!
and yea, i love food too. im a tarus and we just love love LOVE to EAT!!!
lol
Emily, My final OMG moment was when I went to the doctor and was waiting for her to come in the room. I saw my chart on the door and started to look through it while I was waiting. I read on my chart obese female, blah, blah, blah, I had no idea I was obese. I was in such denial. Seeing those words was like cold water being thrown in my face. When I see people say, how could they not have known they were obese. I just thought I was a little overweight, I had great self esteem, what a shock to read those words. I guess it was my wake up call. So then I started walking everyday and then progressed to running. My journey is slow and steady and a lifestyle change. Sometimes I look at others who have lost weight much quicker than I have but I want this to be for life.
Good luck on your journey
Pictures are a great way to get out of denial ? Aren't they? I still have the problem of thinking I am slim, I have to look at pictures to remind myself that I am obese. I can read the weight charts, where my weight says obese, but I don't feel like it. I don't get little rashes, I get pimples that rub together under my arms, or between my thighs, where it hurts to walk, or move my arms. but still this doesn't convince me I am obese. I am going to print up some pics from my computer one of these days and hang them around, because I need to see what I really look like. Maybe this will be the best motivater for me?
Only you can motivate yourself, if you are thinking about food all day long, you need to ask yourself why? I was like this, I would plan food the day before, I am making a cake, I would tell the kids, and would think about the steps it would take and how it would taste after. I know I do this, because I really don't have friends in my area to hang out with, I am a SAHM, and hate it, I need to get out of the house more, and I will eat less.
I hope you find your reasons for food, and then you can overcome them.
cheryl
I was also in denial. I knew I was fat. I mean, there's no denying it when I look at myself, but I never thought "obese". I also can't say that I've had a defining moment. I'm just trying day by day.
I'm 38, and over the last few years, I've had foot pain and hip pain from my weight. I'm out of breath going up the stairs. I wear a size 22, and I have a hard time finding anything that is flattering.
I went to my doctor, and she suggested weight loss surgery. Surgery?! I about died. I cried when I spoke to her, "But I didn't think I was fat enough for surgery." Well, technically, I am.
I am going back to work next year when my son is in kindergarten, and what is motivating me right now is that I'm so ashamed to even interview for jobs at my current weight. It's the first thing people notice about me, and I want the first thing they notice to be my smile or even the fact that I have brown hair. I don't want the first thing that crosses anyone's mind to be, "She's fat."
I have always had a lot of problems with my self esteem. I have also always been overweight and put down because of it. When I lost 120lbs I got down to 188 and a sz 12. I started getting noticed by men. That made me very uncomfortable. I still couldnt understand why they were hitting on me and I thought they were doing it to be mean (I have had that happen in the past). I read that your mental image of your self is 6 months behind what you really are. I started to gain weight again and put 40lbs back on. I went from 188 to 223. Now Im trying to lose again and currently at 218. I would love to be thin but it seems there are so many factors against that happening.
I did start going to counseling last year and that really helped my self esteem. I think I need to revisit again. I know WHY I comfort eat, but I have trouble stopping it. The counselor really helped me be able to talk through things and set boundaries with people. Good luck in your journey and if you need any specific information, Im only a PM away.
Aren't those 'charts' a killer??? It was one of those charts that signaled my wake up. I had already decided to loose 50 lbs, (had lost about 10 at that point) but than I saw that even after loosing that weight, I would still be obese! That, coupled with my 6 year old telling me in his innocent honesty how much he loved to hug me because I was so "squishy" got me more focused.
I keep a pair of my size 22 pants, and put them on every once in a while to help keep me motivated...I am now down to a 18 (almost 16), and I love letting those size 22 fall down to my ankles!!!
I still think of food...alot! I have just changed what I eat.(or at least the amount)..which is not always so easy...but I have learned that little changes turn into bigger changes..and it's not just about the weight for me. It's changes that I needed to make for my health, my self esteem and my lifestyle.
And they say anorexic people have "body image" problems! So do we! They see themselves as fat when they're bone thin, we see ourselves as okay when we're obese. Weird, huh? I know I have real issues with that word obese, but I'm finally owning it. I've lost half the weight and on that ugly BMI chart, I'm still obese. 20 more pounds to overweight and before I started this, that was my goal. Now I don't want to be overweight. I've been overweight since I was 15 years old and I want to be NORMAL!!! I want to embrace the BMI chart instead of sticking my tongue out and saying, "well, I'm big boned. I'm large framed." I'm fat and that's all there is to it. Watching my bones come back and seeing the change in my body has been one of the biggest thrills of my life. It's worth it. Food is not my life anymore and it is the best feeling in the world.
Yes Emily, I can definitely relate! I never thought of myself as being obese. But I am 204 pounds on a 5ft 1 in frame does not look good! My doctor has been telling me for years to lose weight. And what do I do? I kept eating lots of junk and gaining weight! Exercise? What's that? Denial! It's not me it's someone else!
I guess my OMG moment was when he looked at me and said " You are going to die a young woman if you don't do something now . " Rather blunt, but very effective. Guess he was tired of being nice about it! Plus the pictures from vacation really brought my world of denial into reality.
I have lost weight and feel so much better even though I have a long way to go. You will be amazed at what 10 pounds lost does for your feet! It's even better at 20 pounds!
Weight loss isn't easy. But it is possible. Just hang in there. You can do it!
OMG. I feel like I could have written this thread.
I just got back from williamsburg on monday and had to take a day to rest my back because it was so sore from all the walking. And I got my pix and I had not realized how fat I had gotten. No one told me. I posted this in a thread on yesterday.
I was also diagnosed with PCOS last year. I suffer from infertility and have tried all the meds. And nothing worked. The dr told me that all I had to do was lose weight and I would be able to get pregnant. But I couldnt do it.
But after I saw those pix and when I couldnt even get through a week of walking around It was enough. I am done making excuses and enough is enough.
It's the first thing people notice about me, and I want the first thing they notice to be my smile or even the fact that I have brown hair. I don't want the first thing that crosses anyone's mind to be, "She's fat."
I so feel the same way about myself. I am absolutely convinced that when people think of me in relation to others they think "oh yeah, the fat one". UGH!!!
For myself, I think that the final push to get this thing done for good was not one particular moment but several horrifying moments that solidified the ongoing decision. Does that make sense?
You ladies are just amazing. Im so glad to have found this forum, girls just like me!I sit here in tears, as Ive found, Im smack in the middle of a huge life overhaul, and I had no idea. The boyfriend, my weight, and BLAM huge financial problems. I had to hang my head, tuck my tail between my legs, and take a deep breath, and ask for help.Its been a tearful day, thinking about the direction I want to take my life.I have a lot of big decisions to make, and I am terrified of change. My self esteem is in the gutter, and Im absolutely positively scared to death. Im taking these steps alone, and Im grateful to have you guys to come and read your positive notes and encouragement.Thank you for the messages you've written, I know Im not alone.I also got my pair of FitFlops today, and if nothing else, they will certainly help my foot pain They are very comfy and lots of support, unlike my flat rubber flip flops from Old Navy.I really look forward to taking this journey with you guys, then I can always know, Im really not alone.
How can this of happened to me...
They are very comfy and lots of support, unlike my flat rubber flip flops from Old Navy.I really look forward to taking this journey with you guys, then I can always know, Im really not alone.
