It seems that whenever I post here, it's to complain. I'm sorry
But it's just SO frustrating that even after a year and a half of maintaining the SAME weight, people are still giving me trouble. This time it was my brother (whom I don't see that often), asking my mother how much I weigh when I wasn't there to defend myself and how I look so thin and how they're just concerned about me and blah blah and just as long as I'm ok etc. It annoys me to NO end. My GOODNESS! I mean, what is WRONG w/140-145 lbs. at 5'6"????!?!?!??! Where was the "concern" when I was obese? I'm so freaking sick of it. It makes me want to withdraw from family members, which I somewhat have. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to explain myself, like if I've already eaten something, I feel like I have to justify the small amount I'm eating in front of them I told my mother that the reason I didn't eat a lot at our little gathering was because I had already eaten something and because I wanted to eat snacks and dinner later. Should I ask people who are stuffing their faces with grease to explain THEIR actions? And since when should it cause concern for someone to eat lentil soup and greens before a small cookout as opposed to eating greasy cheeseburgers at the cookout? I'm just SO annoyed, I want to run away and be a stranger somewhere where nobody knows me already.
Anybody else know what I mean? Thanks for listening to my rant.
Height: Tall enough for my feet to reach the ground
I can emphasize with you. I think people just dont get it. Especially people who have never had a weight issue. I mean some people are lucky I guess and can eat the greasy burgers/fries and not gain weight, but there are some who have to be more careful. I commend you for being proactive in your attempts to be healthy over just doing what your family expects as far as eating. I get the same greif from my sisters, my mom not so much because she eats very small portions also, but my in-laws have made a couple comments before about me not being hungry since I didnt fill my plate like there kids. Good luck it is a hard road! Keep your head up and know that you are doing what is best for YOU.
Wow....I'm so sorry to hear that your family is still concerned about your weight. And honestly, it doesn't even sound like you are anywhere near being underweight. You are like smack dab in the middle of a healthy bmi. I am an inch taller than you and want to lose down to about 125. I can't imagine having people accuse me of being too thin at that weight. I wish I had an answer for you but i dont'. Other than to take your mom to your next doctors appointment and have them explain to her that you are quite healthy. I wish you the best of luck and just know that there is nothing wrong with your weight. And congratulations on maintaining for the past year!!!! That is awesome. You didn't just diet to lose weight, you learned a new way to live.
Thanks for your encouraging response. My brother has tried to lose weight. He doesn't look fat to me, but I would suppose the doctor would recommend weight loss for him. (My loved ones never look fat to me, even when logically I know they could lose some LOL) Nobody was "concerned" about him when he wasn't eating carbs for a while. And my mother, who also didn't eat much yesterday, accused me of not eating. (She just did a commercial weight loss plan and lost some, but I suspect she's gained some back - not a criticism-just an observation. She had said that she had eaten a large breakfast and that's why she wasn't eating much. So when I confronted her later, she said that I didn't eat anything (not true) at the cookout so I asked her why SHE didn't eat and she said "because I'm a big fat thing and nobody would question my not eating much"
OK, so just because I lost weight, I'm supposed to stuff my face now? Um, nope! That's the "on a diet" mentality...that you go "off" it when you're done. I realize now that I can only eat so many calories before the pounds start to pack on, and I really DO prefer to spread those out over the day instead of consuming it all in one meal. WHY to I have to justify myself?
Sorry this has been so long but I'm seriously frustrated and want to just not associate with people because of all this. Sounds awful, I know.
Don't be sorry for ranting. That is what we are here for. I haven't had this problem, but there are others here who have and can let you know that you are not alone. So please don't be sorry for ranting. We are here to support each other in our lose and afterwards. I am so proud of you that you know that you can't go back to old habits after losing the weight. Just keep your head up. Some of it could just be plain ol jealousy. I agree to just keep alittle distance...especially from eating social events.
I hear you! Some people just can't stand it when others change. It scares them, because it means they might have to change as well.
It probably feels better to everyone, including your mom, when you are having the same weight problem as they have. Then everyone can kind of give each other permission to overeat, as though that makes it OK.
Now that you are normal weight, of course they are always going to be picking on you with that are-you-getting-too-thin nonsense (in your case). The idea of taking your mom to the doctor is a good idea--or you could get your doctor to write you a note stating that you are healthy and of normal weight, and give her a copy. Anything to stop the flow of stupid comments!
It's awful, but sometimes I actually think it would make things easier between us if I were fat again! argh! I feel like I have to choose...
The tug of war and comments and feeling comfortable in my body
or
A more comfortable relationship w/family members who are so "concerned" about me
It's truly awful.
I really love my family but I love myself, too. I'm the one who has to live in this body.
Edited to add:
I am an adult. I have an apartment in my mother's house (unfortunately, for the time being, I can only afford family type rent payments) and my mother says she feels like I'm avoiding her. I'm not truly avoiding her, but I do feel hesitant to hang around too much out of fear of just this type of harassment and having to explain why I'm not eating this or that. Blech!
Immediate family often feels they have the right to dig into your business DEEP, in ways they would never do so to a stranger, friend, or even more distant relation. They also often don't respond to subtle or polite requests to stop.
My mother felt it was her right (and I think obligation) to know the intimate details about everything in her children's lives. When I lived 60 miles a way, every visit felt like an interrogation, and when I lived at home with them going to graduate school, it was as bad, but spread out a little more. When I met my husband, mom didn't approve of him, and actually called me AT WORK, to ask me about his sexual history and whether he'd had an HIV test (at that point, my sister who was living with me must have told her I had spent the night at his house a couple times - which was extremely funny because we hadn't even slept together at that point, there had just been a few times that we sat and talked until dawn (and then I'd have to rush home and change before work).
I had to get to the point that I told my family which topics I would not discuss with them, and if they brought the topic up, I'd give them 1 warning, after that if they said anything else, I would drive the 60 miles back home, even if I'd only been there 10 minutes. Everyone told me how evil I was for doing that, but you know, it worked.
It's a lot harder when you're living at home, you can't go to far. Still, if you want it to stop, you have to set the limit, and the consequence (training them like you would train a cat to stay off the sofa, with a spray of water to the face, if necessary). If it's unpleasant enough, they will stop (you could even carry around an airhorn for a while, and if the subject comes up, blast it - that'll give 'em a jolt).
Ok, that's a bit of an extreme solution, but personally I would be willing to go there if necessary. As it was, leaving their home whenever they would not respond to the first warning. (And believe me, I had to keep up the training, because when they learned I was giving them1 warning per topic, they'd start on another taboo topic, and I had to get stricter, until I might just go home at the first unwelcome question or comment.
At first I thought they'd never speak to me again, but I found that they're actually nicer to me than ever before. I know my mom and sisters may still talk about me behind my back (out of earshot, because if I hear it, it still counts) on certain subjects, but they don't say anything in front of me anymore. And I can live with that.
Hope you find something that helps you get them to behave.
Wow, that sounds like some horrendous nosiness! I wouldn't be able to stand that either! It certainly puts things into perspective. And some interesting solutions...
I just CAN'T figure out what the problem is when I AM at a healthy weight. When I told my mother how much I weigh ( and I HATE discussing anything related to weight, weight loss, diets etc.-I just want to live my life) she responded by saying that there's no way I weigh that much unless it's muscle and I look lighter than that. I said "WANT ME TO GET ON A SCALE?"
It DRIVES ME NUTS! sorry about the all caps, but it makes me crazy!
I didn't starve myself, I didn't vomit...I did things in a healthy manner. If I didn't, how could I have stayed the same weight for a year and a half?
And I don't understand why people are all of a sudden worried about you when you don't want to eat cake or full fat ice cream (regularly or for no good occasion) but want to eat fruit, yogurt, low fat ice cream instead. Why the concern? Isn't THAT the healthy choice??????
That's funny, I WOULD bring a scale if my mom said that! It is funny though that when people are heavier, or used to seeing a person heavier, they have no concept of true weight.
It kinda makes me think...if I had done some kind of commercial weight loss program (not knocking them at all), instead of figuring out things for myself (basic calorie counting), then would they have been so concerned? Like if I could have just said "I'm doing WW or Jenny Craig" or something, would they have figured then that I was doing it right? I tried that all before...the results didn't "stick" if you know what I mean.
Maybe these people don't understand that once you lose weight, you still have to watch what you eat?
You could be right--they may not get that you have to watch what you eat even though you lost the weight.
At any rate, you're not likely to change them. What you can do is make some rules about what you will and will not tolerate from them. That's about it!
A rant, sorry-sick of comments!
And some interesting solutions...
