Children should have to be 20 before they are allowed to drive. DD thinks that we should just give her the car to drive to her friends house 20 mins away on the highway which has a ton of moose. And let her come home when ever. And who cares that we have just one car. We just had a big well she had a big screaming match and tears and we treat her like a baby and give her no freedom. God it just makes me want to dive into the box of joe louies. Please god give me strength.... I am a terrible mother cause I won't let her do it. I just don't believe that after 10 driving lessons and a handful of times she has driven with us that she has the experince to do it. We are just mean.
LC, don't eat! Go for a walk!!! Chew gum!!! Punch a pillow!!!
I remember feeling like my parents were so unfair, too, but then realizing they had their reasons a couple minutes later. She still loves you. You have to do what is right by her because your job is to keep her safe, not happy! If those two coincide, great. But if not, then safe takes priority!
When I first got my license, I was not allowed to drive at night or with friends in the car for the first three months I believe.
While she's driving your car, there's no reason why you should cater to her schedule. Help her set up a plan for saving for her own car, and when she realizes how much that is going to cost, perhaps she'll appreciate being allowed to drive yours more!
LC You are making a good parenting decision, which is why she is so mad at you! I have decided that it must be much easier and less stressful to raise bratty children. If we just gave into their every want it would be a whole lot easier, but where would that get us??
LC, you mean Mama, you! Mama mia, I remember those days well! Be firm, I think your DD realizes deep down inside that you're only looking out for her and she's not really ready to be driving that distance at night, especially right after getting her license. Once she calms down, she'll see the logic in all of this. Be strong!
Thanks Kara I needed that. And you are right safety first but it really stresses me out. She is usually not a kid to fight with me, and of course then she has her sister talk to me who also thinks that I am totally being unfair. Boys being a parent has to be the hardest job ever.
Ooh, Ooh! I'm on Weight Watchers! I'll drink FOR you.
More hugs for you LC. When I first got my license, I drove my parents' mini van when they weren't using it, my homework was done, with no friends in the car to distract me, and never after dark. It was a good while before they let me drive after dark.
I also worked to put gas in the car and pay for regular maintenance, and once it died, I drove their Plymouth Horizon (my favorite car EVER) that I paid for all the expenses on. That was more like "my" car even though it was my Dad's license plates, in my Dad's name, etc. I had a very small crystal cross I got to hang from the rearview mirror and a stuffed bean-bag alligator that sat on the dash. It was my baby.
You're being a very reasonable mom. She just doesn't realize it yet. I wasn't allowed to drive where there were a number of squirrels, let alone MOOSE. (I don't know what I'd do if I ever saw a moose, really. Are they cute in person?) It'll be ok. She'll get over it, really. Don't worry!
I used to tell my kids when they pulled stuff like that "I'd rather have YOU mad at me, than ME mad at me at YOUR funeral. I won't discuss it, so save your energy." And I would just walk off.
Kids that have just gotten their licence are dangerous to themselves and others. Remind of her those little girls who were just killed in that horrendous wreck. They just don't have the experience to react quickly enough.
Just make sure you DO let her drive eventually and often. My mom was very much the same way with me, except it became a constant thing. I'd give her 4 days warning if I planned on using the car and in the end she would end up chickening out and driving me herself. I probably only drove tops 20 times from when I got my license right after my 17 birthday til now, when I'm 19 1/2. I was finally able to have a rational conversation with my mom about it now that my brother got his license, because I'm basically off of driving for life. I'll never live at home again and at this point, I haven't driven for a year, I never had to really park (I parked in HUGE parking lots as far away from another car as I could get!) and I've never been in any traffic on a highway. I really need to relearn to drive but my parents won't be there to teach me!
My parents now realize what a mistake they made and are letting my brother drive quite a bit more. He drives nearly daily and he's had his license for a month. Not that you will fall into the trap my parents did (which was well meaning but not a really good plan), but you have to be careful of it. Especially since she does not have her own car. Neither my brother or I planned on buying cars because A) who needs a car when your college costs $50k a year and B) we both would only be home a year anyway, but sharing a car makes it more difficult to get decent experience on a regular basis.
Drivers with little experience do face more danger on the road- but you have to let them get the experience first!
Not that you didn't do the right thing. She pulled a fast one on you to get the car the first night :P Maybe compromise with her that you'll let her drive there with you in the car, you drive back, and then when you pick her up, she drives back. If and when you feel that she is a safe driver on that route, let her take it.
I was "lucky" enough to have a fender bender while I had my learner's permit. That and my high school boyfriend's sports car turned me off driving for a while.
I agree though, she needs some more practice if she hasn't been out in the car that much, and needs to understand the consequences if something happens to the one car. My mother and I used to get into screaming/crying matches at least on a weekly basis about how "unfair" she was from the time I was 14 until I left for college. Now we talk on the phone nearly every day. She'll understand in the long run. (And for the record, I constantly apologize to my mom for being such a holy terror.)
Thanks girls I am holding my ground on this, she went babysitting this morning, she is still mad. but I don't care. I want her to drive I just don't want her driving at night.
Girls a joe louis sorry I spelt it wrong.... duh is a processed cake pre packaged two choc circles with cream in the middle then dipped in choc I will attach a pic
Lisa - Moose are beautiful creatures but they are not your friend at night you can;t see them on the road and so many drivers have been killed. A mother lost both her girls in an accident where they hit a moose.
GRRRRRR I want to eat a whole box of Joe Louies
You are making a good parenting decision, which is why she is so mad at you! I have decided that it must be much easier and less stressful to raise bratty children. If we just gave into their every want it would be a whole lot easier, but where would that get us??
