This morning, I was looking through my closet to find something to wear, and I came across a pair of pants that were labeled "5/6". I tried them on, and I was able to button them and zip them up, BUT they literally squeezed something like two inches of fat off each of my sides. Now, I know some would say, "WOW! At least now you know that you will only need to lose, uhh, FOUR MORE INCHES off your waist and hips to fit them properly!" but it made me cry.
Why?
I have a history of eating disorders, as I've mentioned before, but then I stopped them (for the most part), and was so involved with life that I often conveniently forgot to eat. I never felt starved, though, because I DID eat sometimes. In those days, I used to wear between a 2 and a 6, depending on the designer. On average, a 4, and this was when I weighed around 130. I cried because I couldn't believe I was so thin once (without being ungodly boney, I had that phase, but I no longer aspire to look like that). I cried because I wondered how I let myself blow up. I cried because it feels like forever before I'll be that size again. I cried because my weight hasn't budged in almost two weeks. I cried because my weight feels like an indirect contribution to everything that's wrong with my life.
I'm not giving up; I may not be anywhere near where I want to be, but I'm twelve pounds smaller than when I started, and I sure as **** don't want those twelve pounds back! To those of you who have reached goal, I commend you... I feel like hitting my goal is such a long journey, but I see people here who have lost 100+ pounds and think that losing 40-50 (well, from my starting weight) can't REALLY be that hard, can it?
oh honey...we all have those days. I felt that way on the fourth when i put on the outfit i had bought to seduce my guy in...and i took a picture and saw how fat i still am. I wanted to cry. Actually...i wanted to scream!!! Why does the reflection in the mirror look so much better than the picture from the camera????? It's not FAIR!!!!!! But thank goodness you can see that you don't want to gain back that 12 you've lost but instead keep going downward. Trust me....i still have at least 24 pounds to go...but really secretly...i want to lose 34 more. At my 5 pounds per month lost...it will be christmas before i hit goal. But i guess the only other option is to quit and not ever hit goal. That thankgoodness is not an option i care for. Just take heart and keep the faith in yourself that you CAN do this!!! Eat smart over the weekend hun!!!
ps...congrats on not going back to bad eating habit. I used to have an eating disorder when i was in high school. I didn't look at it like that back then, but now i guess i can see that i was an anorexic. I ate one meal a day. I only ate when i came home from school. I would eat like 1 cup of rice and one pork chop. That would be my meal for the whole day. And then i would go outside and just walk around my neighborhood for like an hour. I lost 50 pounds doing this. I went from a size 14 jr. to a size 2 jr. I weighed 100 pounds when i graduated high school. I would get dizzy and blackout when i stood up, i would forget things that i just saw on tv for like 20 minutes. I never want to get that way again. That's why this time, i am doing it the healthy way. 3 square meals and 2 snacks a day. So, i congratulate anyone who can overcome an eating disorder.
Last edited by lumifan4ever; 07-06-2007 at 08:44 AM.
Hang in there, Shane. You gotta hang in there! No one said it was easy. It's likely you won't be the same person when you're done with this! But keep on going! You really don't want those same pounds back.
I've done some acting myself, and you know how there is a point in any production--maybe more than one point--when everyone is convinced it's just not going to come off? No one knows their lines, nothing makes sense, the props aren't ready, the set isn't done, and it just seems like disaster is right around the corner! But it isn't. You keep going. Things get better. Same deal here! Stay with it!
My experience probably has something to do with my age however ... when I first started losing I had a closet so full of every size on the planet! I chose a little blouse and a pair of khaki shorts to hang on my closet door for motivation. I had worn both while in my 30's and probably around 135 lbs.
I did get into the blouse again but it was pretty dated looking, so I pitched it. The shorts? high waisted, double front pleats oooo stylish! I never could wear them comfortably again. Even at 125 lbs they squished my belly sooo uncomfortably! and crept up ... But I'm not sure they ever did fit any better than that. That's probably why the blouse was made to hang over them.
Hi! I'm new here, but I can relate to you. I've done that myself and I'm trying to get over the "size" thing. There is no standard in the industry when it comes to clothing size and there can be 2 size differences from one designer to the next. :confused:
Go celebrate your 12 pounds with a new book or something that will motivate you. 12 pounds is wonderful and I bet it'll be 14 by next week!
Hang in there! Your health is worth it. Maybe you can't fit exactly in the pants today, but it'll be soon!
Oh Shane, if I only had a nickle for every time I've ever said that to myself.. I know how you feel. You ever try on something that barely fit and then had a tantrum when taking it off? That was me, and still is me when water retention comes by. I'd put it on, struggle, see that some bulge came out, hated myself and yelling all frustration, then trying to take it off in desparation because I couldn't bare to see myself like that in the mirror. Then taking it off made me want to cry and say mean things to myself.
Yes, veggielover, I can't stand to see the BULGE. I see some quite skinny girls walking around the mall with muffin tops and all I can think is, "biatch! pick a size you can wear comfortably, you're skinny enough as it is... so why buy pants one size too small?" I'm very self conscious about potential muffin tops and make sure my pants are on the very loose end so that this never happens. I think I'm fat enough as it is; I'd hate to look even MORE fat than I already am! Yeah... I'm awfully mean to myself...
but, uhh, I DO have a pretty FACE!
Why does the reflection in the mirror look so much better than the picture from the camera????? It's not FAIR!!!!!!
Oddly enough, I never have that problem... I think my pictures (body and everything) usually look just like what I see in the mirror, if not even better. I actually see pics and I'm like "uhh wow do I really look that UNFAT?" I still have a very distorted perception of myself, though, and tend to assume I'm a whale until I see clear evidence that I'm not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumifan4ever
But thank goodness you can see that you don't want to gain back that 12 you've lost but instead keep going downward. Trust me....i still have at least 24 pounds to go...but really secretly...i want to lose 34 more. At my 5 pounds per month lost...it will be christmas before i hit goal.
We're in the same boat there... kind of... I have 28 pounds to lose until I hit my "goal" but I REALLY want to lose 38 and be back down to 125. Because I know 125 might be a little unreasonable for my height and build (I'm semi big boned, and once I hit 125, I can see every bone in my body, but I kind of liked it), I set my GW to 135 and will now see what happens. ALSO: I will probably hit my 135 GW around Christmas, too, but I SO BADLY wish it was SOONER! Sometimes I get afraid that I won't even make my birthday goal, though I know there is a good chance that I will. I'd REALLY like to hit 155 by the end of this month. You're around my height and AT 155. This means envy
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumifan4ever
i congratulate anyone who can overcome an eating disorder.
Why thank you
At first I didn't realize I had an eating disorder, either, but then I realized it and just kept going further. Corny as it sounds, my girlfriend really helped me get over my eating disorders, because she made sure I ate and took care of myself... or else she'd pout and not talk to me haha
I can relate to what you're saying. I tried to squeeze myself into my size 6 jeans over the weekend. They'll fit great ... about 10 pounds from now. This weekend? Total muffin top. Made me very sad to see I'd let myself gain enough weight that I get fat rolls falling over my pants. But, consider it motivation! At least now I can squeeze my butt (barely) into those jeans! Six weeks ago, even that was impossible. Soon I'll be fitting in them again and wearing them like they're supposed to be ... WITHOUT a muffin top.
I feel for you. I find in order for me not to get the muffin top look, i need to get a size bigger, which then results in the legs of and butt part of my pants being too big. I hate spare tires soo much! I actually went through a very similar experience on sunday. I tried on my tankini bottoms which happen to be strinks on the side. Muffin tops and bottoms! I was so disgusted by what I saw. Do you do exercise in combination with your cardio? I've only been lifting weights/using my yoga ball for 4 weeks (officially today!) and i've lost a total of an inch from my stomach! It sounds like you and I are on the same boat though. I'm currently wearing a size 6 jeans and can zip them up comfortably but have a little bit of fat around the sides.
You should think positively, in the past you were a size 4 and 130 pounds? But now you're 163 and can semi fit into a 5? This probably means that this time around when you acheive your weightloss goals you'll be an even smaller size! If that isn't something worth celebrating, i don't know what is!
At least now I can squeeze my butt (barely) into those jeans! Six weeks ago, even that was impossible. Soon I'll be fitting in them again and wearing them like they're supposed to be ... WITHOUT a muffin top.
Hahahaha...i do that every so often. I pull something out of my closet and try it on. One thing i have been trying on is this red 2 peice suit i wore along time ago. It's polyester. Well...in the past i have not been able to pull it up over my hips. Last night, i got it on and could have zipped it up...but honey...i wouldn't wear that thing out in public for NOTHING!!!! Not muffin top...oh no...we're talking POTBELLY from HE**!!!! But hey...the important thing is...I got it on!! It will take time before i can wear it out in public...but i'm getting there.
oh, man..i COMPLETELY understand. you took the words right out of my mind. i've had a history of bulimia since i was 13, and i'm 20 now, and mostly recovered (i definitely still have my twisted thoughts about my physical appearance here and there.), and remember the time when i exercised excessively and had a crazy diet, got down 96-98 lbs the summer before my sopohmore year. like you, i never want to be like that again, bony, with thoughts of food, exercise, calories taking over my mind every minute. and whenever something bad happened, like doing badly on a test, or losing something important, i'd link it to my weight too! i actually found my old livejournal from my ed days. reading it made me cry, and feel so sad for myself at that time in my life.
just going to malls and clothing stores completely depresses me, because i'm afraid to put on that size 6 or 8, and be like, "wow, i'm a size 8.", when i used to be a size 2. my goal weight seems so far away, and i feel like i'm kicking my *** exercising and eating right, where the heck are the results? but this time, we're both going to it right, the healthy way, and it will definitely pay off physically, as well as emotionally in the long run. it's not going to be impossible, but it will require work. and i believe that you have the strength and power to do it. cheer up!
I'm dropping down towards unhealthy in a while/next couple of months if I carry on like this. I'm a size 4-6 (UK 8 or 10 or 12 depending on shop) and the weight you outline above...and I am THE most miserable person I know right now. It is soul destroying, but you probably know that you probably wouldnt be made genuinely happy by being slim.
Do you do exercise in combination with your cardio?
I lift weights, and now I'm making a point of spending 10 minutes on my abs every day, so that even if the stupid SCALE NUMBER doesn't DROP as quickly as I'd like, I'll still lose a few inches... and with that, most likely, a few more pounds. I'm taking my workout up a few notches in hopes to get rid of all this nasty fat-ness that's plaguing me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elegant Departure
You should think positively, in the past you were a size 4 and 130 pounds? But now you're 163 and can semi fit into a 5? This probably means that this time around when you acheive your weightloss goals you'll be an even smaller size! If that isn't something worth celebrating, i don't know what is!
Haha, it would be, but I don't fit that 5/6 very comfortably. I fit 10's comfortably right now... and "11 jr" s. I have one size 8 pair of pants that I can fit comfortably enough, but it's not the norm. I can just squeeeeze into those 5/6's... I think it'll be another 10 pounds, maybe 15, before I fit them as comfortably as my 10's fit me now.
BUT... one good thing is... people ARE shocked when I tell them how much I weigh. They usually assume I'm around 145. Even this one girl, who said she was "brutal" about guessing people's weight, still thought I was around 155, and this was when I weighed 170. I really wonder how I weigh so much sometimes, but I do.
I bought pretty much my first pair of size 7 pants ever over the fourth of july holiday week... and y'know what? They give me a muffin top. And... I don't care! It gets me to at least suck in my gut and stand up straight when I'm out and about, and then it doesn't look so bad. They fit my butt and thighs for once and shows that my legs are indeed pretty slender.
I used to always wear a size or two bigger and I felt gross in those jeans, but in my new jeans I feel proportionate and the little bit of muffin top is fine by me. I'm not buying anything bigger than a 9 or a 7 because I know I'll fit into them fine by October-November.
Now, *I* want to cry
You really don't want those same pounds back. 
Stay with it!
however ... when I first started losing I had a closet so full of every size on the planet! I chose a little blouse and a pair of khaki shorts to hang on my closet door for motivation. I had worn both while in my 30's and probably around 135 lbs.
haha
It will take time before i can wear it out in public...but i'm getting there.
