Day 3 of healthy abstinence
Hi everybody,
Searsha checking in - I'm a tired but happily abstinent member of OA and ever so grateful to belong to OA.
It's great not to feel controlled by food this minute. It's very early days for me and on one level I feel fragile and raw and very vulnerable - that's because I'm not 'medicating myself' with food. And that's a miracle. I just keep handing my fear and my cravings over to God. It's not easy but it's working.
I'm on Day 3 - should have been Day 5, but I broke abstinence and ate some birthday cake on Friday. It did not lead to a big binge but it came close and I need to stay honest with myself regarding my abstinence - on Friday I had not fully decided if I should avoid all flour and sugar, but I kind of knew in my gut and in my heart that this food represented a bingy type of abstinence break. I hope that makes sense to someone!
Anyway, I tried not to obsess about it, prayed, did not go into major binge mode, kept on track towards my 1st OA f2f meeting on Saturday, and began my Day 1 again.
Thing is, I've only just began to commit pen to paper and write about my trigger foods. I need to do this and so I'm using Marny's idea of a traffic light system where I have 3 columns ( 1 for foods I know I need to avoid, 1 for yummy healthy foods I can eat and 1 for what I have 'moderate maybes'. These are foods which are ok in themselves with good nutrition but my 'inner jury' is out as to whether I should avoid them altogether - for instance, fries are a no-no for me, so are mash potatoes, but I can have baked potatoe as an occasional treat so that food lives in my third column) That seems to be how it's taking shape.
I have sugar and white flour on my no-no list, but I would not consider it a break of abstinence if I found out there was a trace of sugar say in a restaurant salad dressing. Because, in my heart, I believe I could withstand that without breaking out - long as I was connected to other OA members.
As I ease myself into this new life, my focus is on 3 healthy meals per day and one small snack. I'm not putting too much emphasis on portion control but I'm trying to be moderate. When I feel more up to it as the days build up, I'll reduce portions as I do need to lose 30 lbs.
Today was a tough day in terms of reality, and I'm so happy I did not overeat. My lovely daughter is attending a counsellor because of difficulties around her estranged father, and I went along today to support her in one area and I have to say, while I love being available and willing to help, I found it very upsetting in another sense. This is a classic arena where I want so badly that my children don't have to feel their own pain, I'm proud of my daughter, yet hate that she has to go through this, and I would have eaten for Ireland on emotional stuff like this.
Instead, I choose to stay well and healthy for my child. I actually took off early enough from her company so that I could catch a meeting.
Thank you all for having this site available. It's lovely to know I'm not alone in finding this difficult. Difficult but do-able, One Day at a Time!!
Love Searsha xxx
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Keep up the good work! I had cake on my husband's BD (June 13) and didn't stop eating for a week. God has gotten me through a week of abstinence and I have had so much more fun abstinent than I did off program. And the best part about it is the peace I have now. 
LeAnne