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Old 05-08-2007, 11:33 PM   #1  
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Default Having a hard time, Need encouragement!

So I have been going through alot, I mean alot, lately. My dh lost his job in January. My boss wrote me a nasty letter talking about how I stink and am dirty, so I quit. My bil moved in with us, which is a real stress on our already stressful marriage. The first anniversary of my daughter's death was on the 28th of April, and on the 29th she would have been 4 years and 3 months old. We got rid of our dog, who since our daughter died, has been like a child to us. I want to scream. I am really trying to lose weight. I have never tried so hard. I didn't do my best the weekend of Lincoln's Angel Day, but here is the big news:

I gained 4lbs. back!

I am so mad at myself, but then I keep telling myself that this is a stressful time in my life and just keep trying and I can do it. Now I have lost 2 more lbs. so I have 2 more to get back to where I was.

I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday and when I stepped on the scale I noticed that I had lost another 5lbs. since my previous appointment. A total of 11lbs. since I started going to the doc about 3 months ago. I told the nurse and I was very excited and she says in a disappointed voice "Well, you have to start somewhere..." I was like what? I have never lost weight when it was being tracked at the docs office, so I was just proud that somewhere in my record it was going to say I have lost 11lbs.

So is anyone else going through some extremely stressful times and have advice or encouragement for me. I could really use it!
Thank you,
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Old 05-08-2007, 11:42 PM   #2  
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Oh my, you really do sound like you've been going through ****.

I can't say I've been anywhere near where you are, but I recently had to watch my boyfriend slip back into his alcoholism to the point where I had to have him admitted into a residential treatment facility. That was so hard, because I know how strong and good a person he is, it's just that he lets the alcohol be stronger than him.

The best advice I know to give is to just live for today and keep your head raised high. People can say what they want, think what they want, try to bring you down all they want, but it's all in the way you look at it and the way you look at yourself.

You've lost 11 pounds, and that's 11 pounds that you never have to see or carry around again. That's such an accomplishment, and no one has the right to make you feel belittled about it. YOU know how hard you worked to lose that 11 pounds, and WE know how hard you worked to lose that 11 pounds.

Just keep on moving forward and don't let ANYONE pull you back down!
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Old 05-09-2007, 12:58 AM   #3  
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Oh you have had a rough time lately! You need to be extra nice to yourself. Which does NOT mean chocolate and french fries...LOL!

First, I am SO SO sorry about your daughter. I cannot fathom the depth of your grief and pray I never have to. I don't know how one keeps on going after that, but only that you must. While I thankfully have never lost a child, I have lost those close to me, my parents and my brother. You just have to sit with the grief and know that one day it will cease to overwhelm you. But it will never go away.

The job and living situation sounds very stressful too. I have found for me that walking helps. The other night I was about to explode from being stressed out and I just grabbed my keys and went for a walk. And knowing that you are doing something good for yourself will help. Do you have support? Other than online?

Your doc's nurse sounds like an *ss. I'm sorry she was not more supportive. I would think that she would be as a healthcare worker. Though honestly, it sounds like my doctor. I am looking for a new doctor.

Keep coming here. Keep asking for help. Be good to yourself.
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Old 05-09-2007, 01:08 AM   #4  
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Hiya! I was so touched by your situation that I knew I needed to send a kind word. It seems like your life is so out of control that weight loss is the only thing in your control, so concentrate on that. I find when I am focused on making my body better, everything else seems to feel lighter too. I can barely imagine your pain and suffering right now and can only think that you are very beautiful and strong to be dealt such a difficult hand in life. remember... you are working to set your future... look forward to that. Your daughter is with you, always and loves you (I do hope you are not bawling your eyes out right now, because she wants you to smile!). Hold yourself to the highest standard possible and think about pursuing legal avenues in terms of your boss... so discriminatory. I am not at your weight.. but I do worry about anyone over 250's health because YOU are valuable, YOU are needed... by everyone around you... including me. May your faith (in everything) be strong... and believe that there is a reason and a season... for all feelings. Just know your food intake and exercise output is truly in your control! Be healthy, be happy and most of all... BE WONDERFUL... (( the true sense wonder... full))... lots of love to you and yours!
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Old 05-09-2007, 03:00 AM   #5  
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Oh Rachel...

It's hard to even know where to start. I couldn't imagine going through the things you've endured recently. But working on yourself (both mentally and physically) is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for everyone who's counting on you. You've got to make yourself #1. Even if the only breakaway you can get is meditation, you have to go for it.

Please stick around here and keep asking for help when you need it and giving your insight as well when you have time. This is a valuable, powerful place and I'm so happy that you've found us.

Take weightloss slowly, and remember that it doesn't come through PERFECTION, it comes through PERSISTANCE. Take care.
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Old 05-09-2007, 03:19 AM   #6  
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Rachel, I can't even begin to imagine how it feels to lose a child let alone deal with everything else that's happened.

With the weight gain, it's only 4 lbs and you've already lost 2 of them. It happens, unfortunately, that we can stick totally to programme and still put on weight. It's incredibly frustrating to be there, but give yourself another week and you'll have lost all the weight and possibly a bit more.

Is your bil only staying with you temporarily or is he going to be there for some time. If it's only temporary - a couple of weeks or so, then just keep telling yourself that he'll soon be gone. If he's going to be there for a while, is it worth having a rational discussion with him and your husband and laying down some ground rules for all of you in the house. Living with people is difficult at the best of time, and the fact that he's family adds even more complications.

The nurse was out of line, in my opinion. You've made a fantastic start - we all know that we're not going to lose all the weight overnight; that it will take time. Is there someone at the doctor's you can complain to - a practice manager or similar?

Sending lots of and happy thoughts.
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Old 05-09-2007, 06:19 AM   #7  
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Wow. Staying you're going through some stressful times is putting it mildly. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I don't even know what to say or think. . And then of course there's all the other stuff. My heart goes out to you.

I think you absolutely should be commended for losing 11lbs. It's not easy to lose even 1 lb. And you've lost 11 of em' .

It sounds to me as if you really could use some pampering and a good pick me up. Only you can know this though - can you possibly look at weightloss as being just that - a treat and something that you really deserve right now. More then ever? I mean if you don't deserve to be happy, healthy and fit, well then who does? Losing weight and making yourself healthy is the best gift we can give to ourselves.

I can never compare my stess to yours, but I can tell you that as of late, when I have been stressed, I no longer turn to food, I turn to exercise and focusing even harder on staying on track. Oddly enough I find this to be a stress reliever. I actually get comfort from it. I find with all the crazy stuff going on around me, and there's been lots lately, that focusing on my health and nutrition has been a great distraction. I love the control that I have over the food and my weight, as opposed to all the other stuff, where apparently - I haven't got too much say.

I believe you need to dig deep and see what you are willing to put into this right now. For some it's starting out slowly. Focusing on just making some better choices at each and every meal and each and every snack. Maybe you want to start taking a 20-30 minute walk every day. Maybe elminating all junk food and filling up your home (and yourself) with only highly nutritional yummy fruits and vegetables and lean proteins.

I wish you much luck and much happiness. You deserve it afterall.
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Old 05-09-2007, 07:42 AM   #8  
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You are an amazing lady who deserves to be healthy and happy.
Exercise is a great stress reliever. When I am angry or hurt I start cleaning the house very aggessively or taking a long walk. I feel so much better afterward. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself.
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Old 05-09-2007, 08:42 AM   #9  
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I can't put it any better than the previous posts. I just wanted to add my support to this thread and say "ditto" to all of the above.
Talk to us! We're here for you!
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Old 05-09-2007, 09:32 AM   #10  
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Rachael I have survived the death of a child so I can seriously relate to part of your situation. You know, we get stonger when we survive the overwhelming grief and sadness that goes along with the loss of your child. There is always going to be times when the grief takes over - but I can tell you the pain does get easier to handle. It never goes away, but you get stronger every year so it becomes easier to bear.

I agree with all the other advice from the wonderful folks here. Your eating/weight is ONE thing you can control. Use that to your advantage. Nothing helps me cope more than a nice long walk all by myself.

It is very easy to just let life take over - and let yourself just go. Don't fall into that, pick yourself up and take control of YOU. You'll feel so much better and then the other parts of your life will start to fall in line.

Stop in here for support, we are all here for each other.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}

Cindy
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Old 05-10-2007, 10:49 AM   #11  
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Rachel, I couldn't begin to imagine what you are going through. It sounds like you are doing well given the circumstances. It seems like life loves to throw curve balls at us just when we are trying to get healthy.

Try and take it one day at a time, one meal at a time if necessary.

Dawnyal
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:25 PM   #12  
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Thanks everyone for your kind words. It all means so much to me. Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you all. I also take care of my grandma and that is very time consuming too. I would like you guys to know that I did lose the other 2lbs. plus another 2lbs. I am so excited. I really think a big part of it was all of your encouragement. Thanks again and Hugs to you all
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