I'm getting married in a little over a year. My fiance and i have been dating since we were 18 and 19 we are now 25 and 26. He was with me at my absolute lowest weight of 125 lbs. But i got there by eating half a bagel a day, sometimes less, and going to the gym for hours at a time. Needless to say, it didn't stick. I gained back all the weight and then some...oi. I didn't think i had gained that much back, until i went to the doctors and saw, to my horror, i was 157 lbs. That was a almost two years ago and i have yet to do anything about it.
For whatever reason, i cannot seem to make myself do it. i want to lose it and i need to lose it, but i can't seem to make myself. I'll be good for a little while, but then i will just relapse. I think i'm expecting immediate results. I want to lose weight right away, i say i know its a process, but it is difficult to work out and eat right and not see any change. i feel my old issues with food sneaking back, and in a way, i welcome it. it was not a healthly thing, and i know it has caused me many health problems, but i do not care. All i know is that it worked.
I want to tell my fiance all of this, he knows most of it. But i have said i wanted to lose weight in the past and i haven't, he hasn't said anything, and i know he thinks i'm beautiful (something that boggles my mind everytime i hear it), but I feel like a failure. I can't seem to make this change, i know how badly i want this. How can i make it more managable? I have thought perhaps setting smaller goals for me will help, but i still need motivation. Bottom line, i feel like a failure. Why can't i just do it? Why do i lose my motivation? Why can't i make myself understand that it takes time? I scared that i will fail yet again at this. I also fear that because i fear failing, i won't even try.
I have set up mini goals and rewards for myself...but maybe i should make them smaller. Sorry for the incredibuly long post. but i had a lot to work through.
Secondly, I think maybe you need to take a careful look at your priorities and your conceptions of what's a "good" or "healthy" weight for your height. Just so you know, even at your "horror" weight of 157, you're within healthy BMI for your height. We're the same height, also, and I know that I was doing pretty well back when I was around 150. 125 is almost at the rock-bottom end of "healthy" BMI for you. Perhaps it's time to reassess what exactly you want from losing weight, and more importantly, WHY you want it.
What is it you're after? Is it seeing the number on the scale? Is it fitting into an old pair of jeans? Is it having muscle tone? Being able to run a marathon? Etc, etc. If you want to set goals that will motivate you, you have to be very specific about what results you're looking for.
Next, why do you want to do this? Are you doing it to get healthy? Are you doing it because you think it'll make your boyfriend find you more desirable? Are you doing it because you feel guilty for having gained the old weight back? There are hundreds of possible motivations for someone to lose weight, and the more clearly you can articulate to yourself WHY you want what you want, the easier it will be to get a handle on motivating yourself.
But really, I think the first thing you need to do is do some research and reading on what's *healthy* for your height and body type, and maybe readjust your goal to reflect that.
Good luck with your journey, and remember you can always come here to vent and find someone to lean on - or alternatively, someone who will cheerfully thwap you upside the head when you're being silly about something. I've found both here, in abundance.
Congratulations for stating your goals out loud. I'm brand new here and taking that step myself. Right here. Right now. I have watched my weight creep up as my activity level has dropped during my 40's. I maintained a decent weight when I used to live in the mountains and hiked everyday. We moved and I gained. I lost it with South Beach and then just seemed to abandon the program and gained it all back. I almost feel like I've been eating in order TO gain it all back. What am I hiding from under all of this fat I wonder?
Well, no more hopefully. I'm stating my goal. I want to get back to a comfortable weight. I want to fit back into all of the clothes I bought when I weighed 135. I need support, so here I am. I look forward to meeting you all.
I had several of the same issues when I started. For me, the key was to stop over thinking things and just focus on small steps of the process. Rather than focus on whether this would ultimately work or not, I looked at the little things I could fairly easily change.
Things like exercise. I made it a point to do ten minutes a day. Ten minutes? That was like 3 commercial breaks worth of time. I could do that. Instead of eating a big fast food meal for dinner every night, I'd make myself something like a ham sandwich, some fruit and yogurt. Nothing earth shaking. Nothing the requires soul searching. Just simple, little steps that didn't take that much effort.
But they did have an effect. And that gave me the motivation to make bigger changes, like getting a food scale and seeing how much I actually was eating. Somethat that I would never have done when I started, but something that has help immensely since then.
I don't know if this will work for you, but you might want to give it shot. It didn't take long for the success I was having, that I could see and feel, became it's very own motivation for continuing to do more.
May I make a couple suggestions? If you need to motivate yourself, look up this book:
100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on ANY Diet Plan
I bought it and gave it to my MIL who was having motivation problems. She loved it, worked through it and then passed it along to her SIL who also needs some motivation.
Another thing that may work is to make a list of the reasons WHY you want to lose the weight and the reasons WHY you AREN'T doing it. Seeing it on paper might give you the push you need.
Finally, remember that you didn't gain the weight over night and therefore it will not come off over night. Don't get discouraged by this but remember it because it is important. Good luck to you.
You have raised several good questions. The why factor is key. I am doing this quite frankly because I am NOT happy with the way I look. I like to climb and I find that at this weight it makes it MUCH harder. I also remember being happier with myself at a lower weight, I had more confidence, energy, and a zest for life, not to mention that clothes just looked and fit better. However, it is hard to say what attributed to those feelings; there are many variables to consider. But I have it wired in my mind that lower weight = happy. It may be erroneous, but I am determined...so I hope. My fiancé loves me regardless of what I weigh, so this is purely for me. I want to prove to myself that I do have the will power and the motivation to do this. I say I want to go to 125, but I may very well stop at 135, if I feel that is good and healthy for me.
I really like your idea of looking at why i want to lose the weight, Nikaia, I should write down my reasons of wanting to lose weight and keep them hanging on my wall and keep a wallet size with me at all times.
I deeply appreciate all comments and they are all very helpful. I have to remind myself that weight loss, is a long and arduous process. I am also so glad that i found this site. Thank you all for your very supportive comments!
Nickname -- Yet another thing to think about is weight training! It's a great way to make yourself stronger and leaner! (Pound for pound, muscle takes up much less space than fat). If you decide to start lifting you may also build muscles that make you a better climber. Plus, I am finding that being stronger is just so helpful for me everyday.
Now, if you go this route, you will probably gain muscle mass and may never get down to that mystical 125. (don't worry, you won't get "big and muscly" just from weight training -- women don't naturally produce enough testosterone). But for your weight, you will be smaller, fit into smaller clothes, etc.
There's a forum for "Ladies (and Gents) Who Lift" if you want to find out more!
i just need to state my goals "out loud"
