Lost Weight= Not Comfortable w/ my body or men - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

shrinkingchica · 03-12-2007, 06:22 PM

So, my weight loss efforts started for a number of reasons but one of them was so that I could be comfortable in a romantic relationship. I didn't feel attractive at my hw and I didn't really make an effort to either. Now I still don't feel 100% comfortable with my body (maybe 25%) and letting a boyfriend into my life and close to me (meaning emotionally and physically). I feel like I have come so far but that I still feel like I am not attractive and don't want to be touched. I realized this to be really evident when an old acquaintance from high school came up to me and hugged me hello. I literally shirked from him--and it was obvious. I don't have anything against this guy, but I also feel as if he wouldn't have hugged me if I was still 272.

I don't know really what I am trying to say here, I am kind of rambling but do you guys have any insight for me here? Advice? Been there, done that?
I am looking for whatever responses you all have to give me. I know that it will all be good stuff that I should listen to.

xmarymar · 03-12-2007, 06:29 PM

wow you have done very good. i know what you mean. i have a new boyfriend and he's my first one too. but when im with him and other friends (pretty girls my age) i feel uncomfortable. people tell me im not fat but i just dont like my body. i want to be able to feel pretty. let me tell you you have come a long way. so i just want you to know you're not alone ok. i know how you feel.

swatishine · 03-12-2007, 07:19 PM

First of all congratulations for your success.
Actually many people would like to be in your shoes and be as successful as you are. I know the feeling of anger against those 'ALL' who did not even noticed the same human being, now getting excited !
But trust me there are people ( guys ) with good heart who really do exist.
You just have to find one ... and once you find that person ...I am sure every thing will be perfect and you won't have any questions ... for him or yourself.

Mel · 03-12-2007, 07:30 PM

Charlotte, Congratulations on your weightloss success! You certainly aren't the only one who has felt this way. Funniegrrl wrote a very insightful post a while ago about weightloss and body image and relationships that I just bumped up here.

From what you wrote, it sounds like you aren't real comfortable with yourself yet, let alone letting anyone else near you. Read funniegrrl's post-- she addresses a lot of these issues.

Mel

Grumbleworts · 03-12-2007, 07:33 PM

You know, I still struggle with the same "I don't like me, so why would any one else" issue, but I also remind myself that the one guy I dated for over a year, long distance, saw me at my highest wieght and we broke up because he was hearing wedding bells and I wasn't. When I'm at my lowest, that helps remind me that others see something in me that i just can't at the moment. Sometimes you just have to look in the mirror and say, "You know, it isn't perfect, but I'm working on it. And even if it isn't, its me, and I'm ok with that."

You just have to decide to be happy and to love yourself. Easier said than done, I know. Sometimes you struggle with it. I do all the time. But you're aware of it, and that's the first step.

Hope it gets better! And besides, look at what you've done. YOU"RE AMAZING!!!!

Vanessa

LLV · 03-12-2007, 07:33 PM

You're not alone. Even though I've lost most all of my weight and have much more confidence now (clothed) I still hate my body.

Would I let a new man touch me?

Doubt it.

JayEll · 03-12-2007, 07:52 PM

Well... gosh! If some of you ladies at your new lower weight still wouldn't let an interested party touch you... WHEN WILL YOU???

Jay

funniegrrl · 03-12-2007, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayEll

Well... gosh! If some of you ladies at your new lower weight still wouldn't let an interested party touch you... WHEN WILL YOU???

Um ... when the mind catches up with the body. Sort of the entire point of the thread.

healthytoad · 03-12-2007, 08:19 PM

Hi, I have no idea how old you are, but I know I didn't really get comfortable in my own body until I was in my late 30's. Which strangely enough was when I was at my heaviest. I think part of it is just growing into yourself, and part of it is coming to the understanding that men aren't perfect either! Women have so much pressure to be beautiful...perfect. When you take a good look at most men..they are kinda funny looking

Sex should be about two people connecting..sharing love and joy and laughter. It is not a beauty contest. It is not about being judgemental. And those people (men and women) who turn it into one... they missing the best thing in the world! And if you have a guy like that.. either educate him or dump him LOL He will never be happy with any woman, and Lord help you when you start getting wrinkles and grey hair.. or have his baby and he wants your 20 year old body back. Find a real man...who knows how to love a real woman..not some air brushed fantasy.

hmmm...kinda went off on a tangent there

drake3272004 · 03-12-2007, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll
Well... gosh! If some of you ladies at your new lower weight still wouldn't let an interested party touch you... WHEN WILL YOU???

Um ... when the mind catches up with the body. Sort of the entire point of the thread.

Sorry, had to jump in and say.............my mind is still trying to catch up to the fact that I'm FAT! The mind is tricky! I still see myself at 175, that was the skinniest for me after I had my daughter. So sad when I really look in the mirror or photos of myself, I don't want to be like that! I was in so much denial!

JayEll · 03-12-2007, 09:09 PM

I've felt like that most of my life, Jackie! I have always sort of felt like I'm still 27 and still "normal" weight. What a surprise I get every day...

Jay

jrenzul · 03-12-2007, 09:18 PM

Want to know a really sad thing? When I was in my early 20's, I only ate a bowl of soup with crackers once a day for 3 months and lost 30 pounds. Even at 109 (and for my bone structure that is too thin), I thought I was fat. Now I'm in my 40's, and really am morbidly obese, and I look at those pictures from before and wonder how I could have thought I was fat then. 'As a man (or woman) thinkith in his heart, so does he become.' Did I imagine myself into the size I am now?

Heather · 03-12-2007, 09:24 PM

I completely relate to this post. Maybe I was used to being fat, but as a fat woman, I learned to become comfortable enough with my body to date and marry!

I thought losing weight would make me even more comfortable, but my body has changed a lot, in many of the ways funniegrrrl mentioned, and I am NOT comfortable feeling sexy in this new body.

Luckily I have a great husband who always seems to love what I look like. Together, we're trying to work on it. Hopefully, with time, I'll feel comfortable. I know I'll never completely shed the impact of what I did to myself, but I'm not doomed to hate how I look forever. It's a matter of perception, I guess.

nelie · 03-12-2007, 09:25 PM

A few years ago, I was just like you. Then one day, I just decided to change mentally. It was tough. It is definitely a self esteem issue and you can improve your self esteem but it takes some effort.

Justwant2Bhealthy · 03-12-2007, 10:01 PM

I think that many of us can relate to this thread. When I was younger, I thought that if I could just lose weight, I would be happy, successful, get married, and so on. So, I lost the weight; but shocker of shockers ... I was mistaken. I had a different kind of confidence, but not the kind I had expected.

Like Heather, I acquired more self-esteem and confidence as I got older, thru many life experiences. I met my DH at 28 and married at 30 y/o. Was I thin then ... NO! I was at a comfortable weight ~ where I could do anything I wanted, and my DH loved me just the way I was. Today, he still does, but he supports me with my quest for better health. My goal is to return to the place I was then, which is comfortable and healthy ...

What I'm trying to say is; you are not used to this body yet, and that takes time. And you may need more time to be truly ready for a close relationship. Funny thing is ... when I finally decided that I wouldn't likely ever get married, is exactly when my DH showed up in my life ... hmmmm!

Maybe what we really all need to do is to work on our self-esteem issues, thru this whole process; losing the weight may be a side issue, like icing on the cake. You're the cake, how you look is the icing. Someone once said to me after I lost some weight ... Don't be bitter against those who didn't pay attention to you before, but it took a conscious effort.

Like others have said, there are many fishies in the sea; many of whom could love you; but the real question is ... DO YOU LOVE YOU??? I think when you find out for yourself just how beautiful and wonderful you are ... then you will be ready to welcome a close relationship. A fellow encourager ... Rosebud.