[mesilla]

Hi there... i have never posted on this forum but I have on others. I definitely belong here though and have been reading posts for quite a while. I am starting to drive myself crazy. I have been trying to lose weight since September but have ironically gained a good 10 pounds since then. I used to be such a healthy eater... and I still am most of the time. I love healthy food and I like working out but over the last year I have become a huge binge eater. I guess it started last year when the stress from school was just too overwhelming and I needed a nice 5 bowls of cereal to accompany me in the early hours of the morning while studying. I have purged many times in the past however I no longer do so anymore. I know how harmful it is to purge so I tell myself that I would rather gain weight that cause myself so much damage by purging.

For the last 4 or so months I have been going through a cycle like every week. I will eat healthy and in moderation for 3 or 4 days, I excerise and feel awesome... then out of nowhere I get this huge urge to binge. And I always tell myself I will just have a SMALL bowl or cereal or a bit of chocolate... I need some energy so I can study/clean/work out.... but then I can not stop. Its so overwhelming and I am seriously unable to stop eating until I am in so much pain. I am so uncomfortable with my weight right now... it has just taken over so many parts of my life. I am tired of constantly worrying about my weight and I just want to reestablish my healthy way of life. I used to be the health nut... I was so slim and concerned with nutrition and staying fit.. but my binge eating has completely destroyed every attempt to stay in shape.

I feel so horrible after a binge. I usually binge late at night and then all night long I cant sleep and am so overheated... then i feel terrible the next day and since I feel so bad I think "well i might as well eat more I have already ruined everything". And then I am unable to stop binging for at least 2 days. At which point I promise to myself I will never binge again and that from now on I am going to eat healthy. That lasts for a little less than a week and then I am back to the binge. I think it has become such a habit that I do not know what else to do. Its so frusturating because the weight comes off so nicely when I am not binging. I know that I could lose my extra weight fairly easily if I could just stop binging.

I think I am also so embarrased about my eating habits... I feel like such a hypocrit because the majority of the time I harp on and on about nutrition and healthy eating to my family and boyfriend... i love to learn about it and it really interests me... yet my binges are so extremely unhealthy. Also, as an aside, I suffer from pretty severe acne and it just completely hurts my self esteem. I have had acne for several years and I just feel like its all people ever see. I almost feel like I have to hide on some days because I am so embarrased by it. I know that my acne is also a contributor to my binge eating because its something I have to deal with every day and its so hard to look in the mirror sometimes and only see your acne not you. I am now starting to undergo laser treatments from my dermatologist because I do not think I will be completely comfortable with myself until I have clear skin.

The summer is coming and I will most likely be travelling with my boyfriend and a few of my girlfriends so I desperately want to lose my weight. I am sorry that this is so longwinded... I am just trying to do everything I can to end my obsessive eating. I want to make a change for the better because I know how much happier I would be if I could eliminate the emotional rollercoaster of my binges.
Thanks for the support!

[meg on a mission]

Hi Mesilla!
You have come to the right place. I am sure you will find a lot of inspiration and support from others who know exactly what you are going through.
I have been a binge eater since my freshman year of high school, though I would say I am doing significantly better now than I did when I first started. I know exactly what you mean about eating at night, then getting overheated and feeling sick all night. This is how the cycle starts, because that lack of sleep causes you to feel tired and irritable the next day, potentially triggering another binge. What usually helps me break this cycle is having a healthy breakfast the next morning. Don't severely restrict your intake the next day, as this will only add fuel to the fire. Also, get trigger foods out of your house if at all possible. If it's not there, you can't eat it! I too am a generally healthy eater, and I always convince myself that I can handle having chocolate or cookies in the house and moderate my consumption, but the truth is, I can't. So it is no longer in my house. Unless I am REALLY craving one of these foods, then I go out and buy a single serving of that food and enjoy it!
I think the key to stopping the cycle of bingeing, then feeling guilty, and feeling like you ruined your efforts, is to think logically about the situation. Yes, you may have binged, but where will bingeing again get you? Feeling worse, possibly gaining weight, feeling depressed and uncomfortable in your body, and on...
Today is a new day. Move on, and most importantly, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Try to do a little bit better than yesterday. I think many of us, especially bingers, get caught up in extremes. We feel that we must be "perfect" with our eating, and when we inevitably aren't, we think all is lost and completely throw in the towel. What I am learning is that there is a happy medium. Don't be so hard on yourself. It is when we punish ourselves, get upset, and start being too restrictive that this vicious cycle starts. Make the decision that you WILL be sucessful. I'm not saying you'll never have another binge...it doesn't happen overnight. But, when you do binge, really analyze why it happened and what you could do differently next time to avoid a particular trigger. You will probably notice your binges becoming less frequent, which is a step in the right direction! You don't have to overcome this in one day. Just take small steps towards improving, come here and post often (accountability is an important factor in recovering from this!), and know that you have all of us cheering for you and supporting you!
Sorry this is so long! Good luck!

[mnms24]

Hello Mesilla,

I've been an emotional eater since I was younger so I understand what you are going through. I realized that the ones most informed aboout food, diets and excersise can be the ones who suffer the most from them. It's like taking a psychology course to try to self diagnosis yourself.


Trying to break your relationship with food is going to be tough b/c unlike other addictions(and I feel its an addiction) we need food to survive. So you will need to work on seperating your emotions from food. Whether your happy, sad or indifferent. Seperate those feelings from food. I also suggest you read Bob Greene's "Best Life Diet" book. It helped me find out why I emotionally eat and what was blocking me from succeding. Don't get me wrong, I still will eat whenever I'm overly stressed. But I've learned to pick up a pumpkin cake or a sorbet instead of brownies and cookies and cream ice cream.


Just remember, you are the only one who can make this change. So first start loving yourself w/ all of your minor imperfections, b/c all of those are what make you into a beautiful person.

Good luck sweetie and we are all here to support you.

[Bikini Dreader]

I am also a binge eater and it only started about a year ago. I'm not sure what brought it on but I've realized that I was hiding at home eating my life away. Binges were so frustrating. I am also a generally health concious person but I was using food to deal with my stress and to hide from life. I don't profess to be an expert but here is what I have found that has really helped turn me around. I feel lik I am a completely different person. Mostly because I changed the way I think. Here are just a few things to consider.

What do you get out of bingeing? Aside from the initial satisfaction of putting the food in your mouth, what else do you gain from the bingeing? (I got to not go out or meet people)
What are you afraid of will happen if you lose the weight?
These questions helped me to get to the root of my bingeing, once you think you have those covered, I would keep the trigger foods out of your house. I used to convince myself at the grocery store that I could have those foods in my house without finishing them right away. that was a lie to myself. I now know after many an entire cheesecake eaten, that I am a lot happier, and less stressed if I dont have those foods to tempt me at all. there will always be other ways to get treats once in a while, but for a binge eater, those are huge traps.
Do you find you are eating places other than at the table? That might be a change you want to make. I once read a book that said to treat yourself as a guest in your house, make your meal enjoyable. You wouldnt invite a guest over to eat at the fridge would you? (that's what it said, it range pretty true for me).

For me, it helped me to realized what has been stopping me from succeeding in the past, making real changes, and making a reachable goal. Then measure your success. I also found that assuming I will get to that goal in the end was a huge change. I used to tell myself, "I will never be fit again, I've gained so much weight, I'm out of control, I will be fat forever, etc etc". Now I tell myself, my goal weight is _ I will get there. I will be the way I want to be. And I picture myself happy and healthy. It sounds ridiculous but it really helps me to assume that I will get there rather than assume the opposite. Then when I have the opportunity to binge or eat garbage food, I think, "Is that really going to get me to the goal in the end?" if not, then usually I choose not to have it. It helps too that I have calculated the extra cost of my bingeing and as a very frugal person trying to save for a big trip, I have convinced myself that not only does it not help my self esteem or my health to binge but it hurts my wallet and the fun I will have in my new body in Europe.

I know you can get through this, I can relate to ever word of your message. believe in yourself and you can get to your goal.

Good luck.

[paperdollme]

Hey -
Just some quick input on your skin...
We sound like we've had similar skin issues, and I was convinced that nothing short of skin resurfacing or something would fix my skin. I got those cyst-like pimples, the ones that would never come to a head, and the more I prodded and poked at them, it seemed like the more it would spread. Anyway, I went to my derm and he prescribed me Differin at night, and Benzeclin in the morning. It took about 2 months for me to really notice I wasn't developing any new zits, except for occasionally around my period I'd get one or two. But it was a vast improvement, and I suggest looking into that!

[ejenk]

Wow you and I could be one in the same person. It's almost frightening but yet incredibly comforting to know there is someone else in the same boat. Best of luck to you, you can beat those binges!

[Ravengirl]

I can't answer your question because I am having some of the same problems myself right now. I have been riding a roller coaster now for several months. I have had several upheavals...a move..an injury...but now things have settled down and I should be getting back to business and moving back down to where I was prior to the move but I find myself sliding...like you said...3 or 4 good days...eating well...exercising...feeling fabulous! Then for no reason...I find myself facefirst in the cupboard with everything I can find. I am feeling good this morning...I finished my elliptical workout...I am cooling off, drinking some water and then do a quick yoga stretch. Food has been good so far...Monday was my last binge day. I have to believe that I can keep trying and eventually get to where I need to be.

I am sorry I haven't been speaking up as much Guys... I just hate the sound of my own up/down, up/down, I just would like to be balanced for awhile...I would love that so much. I am here listening to you all though...

[Bikini Dreader]

Hi ladies,

Ravengirl. I just read your post and was looking at your ticker. You've already come so far and that is a huge accomplishment. Not many people are that dedicated. Believe in yourself and your determination. You will get back on track and get to your goal.

[mesilla]

Thanks for the replies everyone... all of your support is very much appreciated. I really liked the idea of only eating at the table. If I think about it, 95% of my binges are while on the computer, reading, or watching tv. I think it numbs the realization of what I am doing. From now on I am not going to eat away from the table because I know from past experience it only leads to a binge. I'm also going to try to stay away from what they call "moderation" of treats. As much as I would like to have just one chocolate etc. as soon as I have one than thats all I can think about. Its far easier for me to say no completely than to try and stop after I have started. The problem is that I beat myself up for small slips. I have a very "all of none" attitude, and I end up doing waaaayyy more damage than the initial slip just because I feel so guilty. I'm also trying to get used to the idea that I will reach my goal eventually. Its hard to believe that I will get there eventually, but I know that I will lose the weight if I just stick with it day by day. I feel really motivated about staying on track lately because spring is coming. I find the winter so dark and depressing ... and it just amplified the binge cycles. Now that its warming up I want to wear cute spring clothes and go running outside and enjoy the weather... so I'm putting my best effort forward to maintain my healthy eating/excercising.

It has really helped to write out my issues with binging. Its something to actually realize what you have been doing and to see that others are dealing with the same problems. Thanks and good luck!

[chickensoup]

do you guys think that having one serving of your favorite food a week is a good idea? or will it just lead to a fatty binge? my absolute favorite food is carrot cake and its what i go for when my cravings take over me. i have gained about 10 pounds in the past few months and i have decided to get back on track. i love eating healthy and once i get back onto a schedule, i crave healthy foods, but in too big of portions. ( ex 5 bazillion apples or yogurts)

but for right now im trying to get back on a healthy eating schedule. i did really good for the past two days, but i dont think i ate enough and that led me to eat a bowl of ice cream and extra wheat thins tonight. Help!
when i get cravings like that i forget about everything i told myself, like going to the gym or painting my nails instead of eating. it doesnt even go through my mind.

[lilith9]

Originally Posted by Bikini Dreader

What do you get out of bingeing? Aside from the initial satisfaction of putting the food in your mouth, what else do you gain from the bingeing?

I was thinking about this tonight while eating dry hot chocolate mix straight from the container (!!) and asking myself "what am I really trying to solve here? am I bored? stressed?" etc.

I think for me, part of the problem is using food as a distraction. It's a way to keep myself busy and not think about the real day-to-day serious issues that have come up lately. And the second and probably bigger part is, I think I'm addicted to taste. Eating triggers the pleasure receptors in the brain and for those of us who are so inclined, we get addicted to the high, in a very literal sense. I think those of us with various neurological issues, like major depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, etc, are even more prone to this since our brains are wired differently from everyone else's.

Now, if I could just figure out how to solve the problem of still being really hungry, even when I've had my calorie limit for the day, I could start making real progress.

Those of you who have had to lower your calorie intake and were hungry a lot -- how did you deal with it? any tips for masking hunger, or will I just get used to it? will it go away after awhile?