Has anyone ever gotten any flack from their anti-establishment friends for caring about health and weight? I got together with some skater friends (not all active skaters, btw) after the gym today and was so pumped up I started talking about how excited I was that I've found an exercise and eating program that works for me.

Suddenly it was like I pulled out a kitten and shot it. The looks I got were disgusting. And the comments were things like "You go to a gym?? Phhhh....why do you care?" and "Why are you buying into the Barbie lifestyle? You're just perpetuating the skinny perfect girl stereotype by giving them you money"

Um....so I'm the bad girl because I'd rather be able to walk up and down stairs without being out of breath? WTH? And just because I dress a little gothy I shouldn't care about having muscle tone?

I tried to explain my feelings to them, but they already had their minds made up. And, not to be petty or anything, but some of them could use a healthy lifestyle change, if you know what I mean.

Just venting a little I guess, but I am curious if anyone else has had this type of discussion with friends. It really kind of disturbed me and, as much as I hate to admit it, it made me feel embarassed for being so excited about my health.

I've nto experienced this. I have a really lovely goth friend at work, who was a little heavy, I never thought she was overweight, and she has just got to goal weight and looks fabulous. Anyway the other day she wasn't feeling well and went to one of the managers and said "I have a doctors appointment can I leave now?" And she looked at her all concerned and said "you look very pale and thin dear - I think you should have a word with your doctor". My friend came and told me, and was a bit upset about what she'd said I just grinned and said "I hope you said I'm a goth, I'm meant to look like that"

I'm sorry your friends are giving you attitude, I would have thought whatever your lifestyle choices, being at a healthy weight is a good thing.

Well, I can't say many people (if any) have said it to me, but I've said it to myself... does that count??

Like I told myself, there is a very big middle ground there between trying to be Paris Hilton and wanting to just be a healthy human being. After all, how do they think you're going to help kick down the establishment when you can't even lift your leg?! I say being in shape helps every aspect of my life and all of my goals.

Also, they're probably just jealous.

Yep! Sometimes people are secretly jealous because you are taking action and they are not. This often happens to people who have overweight friends and/or family and they start slimming down. Some people support you and some people try to undermine you.

Maybe they are afraid your new lifestyle will not have room for them in it? Some people are just afraid of change and get negative about it.

You just keep doing what you are doing and take of yourself. You are not trying to be a Barbie girl you are just trying to stay healthy so you feel good and improve your chances of not getting illnesses as you get older - nothing wrong with that at all!

I'm a gothy girl and I eat well, cook, do yoga, pilates and bellydance to stay active - it certainly doesn't interfere with me being me!

Sometimes I have those same arguments inside my own head, playing both camps. I think it comes from the school years when jocks were the kids most likely to be tormenting those of us who were different. Part of me worried about becoming like them as I got into shape, getting all vain and superficial.

Which is kind of silly, because as a gothy girl I was still vain when I was heavy. Why else spend hours dying my hair funky colors and collecting pretty clothes??

In my area there have always been a disproportionate amount of big girls in the goth/pagan community, but strangely loads and loads of us have caught the healthy living bug in recent years. We all seem to be shrinking.

I've had a few of those too, I usually get .."you're boring these days, why don't you want to come out and drink a zillion drinks and get drunk, eat loads on the way home" kind of thing.

Well I'm sorry I've chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, I don't want to get pissed all the time and eat KFC, get a beer gut like you muppets. Just because I was a chunky ex Goth doesn't mean I want to stay one! Moo rant over

Hmmm.....my friends have all been pretty supportive of me but I can see this attitude popping up, and I agree it's probably jealousy.

Personally, I don't have much of a problem with 'compromising my values' because I only want to go from 273-190. 175 at the lowest. I kinda like being a chubby chick and I think chubby girls are more attractive (no offense to anyone, just my preference! ) At 190 I looked great, I carry it all in the right places if ya know what I mean teehee

people are dopes, just stay motivated and keep doing what you're doing, ya never know you might end up motivating one of them...

Me too! Well, minus the yoga thing. That would require a call to 911, believe me I've tried. But when I'm thinner and can move things around with mashing important organs, I'd love to.

And the gothy clothes (for those of you goths who wear them) are WAY cheaper and easier to find when you're a smaller size. There's nothing worse than ordering a $100+ outfit online only to find out their 3x is nothing like the 3x you've come to know and lov -- er, live with.

In fact, I would say being able to wear more gothy clothes would mean I could be me more, at least on the outside. As it is, I look like I'm always going to or leaving the gym because clothes in my size for a decent price just plain sucks.

I think any time you go through a change, you find out who your true friends are and who they are not. I think it's a great way to weed out those who you wouldn't have known otherwise to not actually have your best interest at heart.

I gave up on the whole goth thing myself because i couldn't find clothes in my size to suit my style. plain t-shirts and stretchy pants - even in black - just aren't quite the same. it's really hard to have any fashion style when you're plus sized unless you live in a big city where you might be able to find a store with stylish clothes. Another reason to keep moving and eating right.

No flack so far - at least none I am aware of. If anything, my success has motivated others I know to take the initiative. Especially since I didnt stick to any one special plan (except rejecting the FDA and following a more zonish balance) But rather that zoning my meals, I zone my day - too many carbs at lunch means extra protien at dinner - thats easy enough.

Anyway - I agree with the jealously thing -but also I imagine these people are afraid that embracing a more healthy approach to food and excercise will eventually lead to a more healthy attitude about life - something that for some (not all) goths is in direct contrast to their personalities - at least some that I knew back in my day of leather and black hair and white face. And not just goths because that would be prejudiced - unhealthy people want unhealthy friends so they dont feel so bad about themselves.

Basically this falls under peer pressure - if your friends are really your friends they will support you. Were they genuinly offended that you worked out or just giving you some friendly ribbing?

That is the question.

I get a LOT of it from my friends. When I tried my first diet/exercise regimen several years ago, I had a personal trainer in the beginning, and I made the mistake of making some comment in front of my friends along the lines of "Wow my trainer really kicked my freaking butt today, I am in so much pain!!" - and I never heard the end of it. Whenever they hear I'm going to the gym they make fun of me and they even made a stupid song about how I'm going to fall off the treadmill and die.

We all also have this post-concert ritual of going to Taco Bell or Wendy's, and now that I don't get anything, everyone keeps giving me crap about it. They make a game of trying to sneak up behind me and shove food in my mouth. Loads of fun.

The worst thing was when I decided to quit smoking last month, that made all my friends really mad. I still let them smoke in my house and in my car, I don't really care (especially since my roommate is a smoker), but they've made such a huge deal out of it!

I don't try and push my new lifestyle on any of them, nor do I even talk about it (unless it accidentally slips out!). But still they freak out about it, like if I lose weight and eat healthy I'll turn into a different person.

Why, to enrich the drab world we live in, of course!

Where I went to college, it sort of depended which "gym" you went to. The "Y" or the campus gym wouldn't get you any flack, but the "country club" gym or the Gold's gym (the place where the "beautiful people" went to find and be admired by other "beautiful people") could get you some flack in some circles.

I didn't really understand it until I toured the Gold's gym. OMG, I could never have exercised there. It was all set up in a semi-circle facing inward with mirrored walls so that you could see EVERYONE from ALL ANGLES anywhere in the gym. Even the pool area had glass walls so you could see swimmers from the gym floor.

I couldn't even use the free pass, because of the feeling of being in the fishbowl, and I am normally not someone who would let body insecurities stop me from using a health club. But it was very obvious that the unfit were not welcomed, not only by the layout, but by the fact that everyone working out was totally buff - no flab to be seen anywhere.

Well done I'm on day 2 and going slowly insane

Thanks, and congratulations to you!! Well, on the quitting, not on the going insane! The first few days were the worst. I wanted to eat everything in the house, I was incredibly cranky, and I nearly killed several people. If you want to about it or get some support, feel free to PM me. Hopefully you have some people in your life who are supporting you in this, that makes it a lot easier. I didn't even tell anyone that I was quitting, they just eventually noticed. Well, I told my boyfriend after the first few days (since he was one of the people I nearly killed...oops). And as a non-smoker, he always said he wanted me to quit, but when it came down to it, he decided he'd rather have me smoking than cranky and non-smoking. Wonderful.