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-   -   Starting over, again. Maybe this time it will stick! (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/alternachicks/251042-starting-over-again-maybe-time-will-stick.html)

neon_zephyr 07-08-2014 07:22 PM

I'm back after a long time away.

I've been struggling with self-discipline a lot, lately. The problems I'm having in my life now share a source with my weight problems -- they're rooted in weak self-discipline and motivation in all things physical. I overeat when I'm emotional or stressed; this is my way of avoiding my body. I skip exercise when I'm emotional or stressed; again, this is my way of avoiding my body. I try to retreat from my body when I'm stressed or depressed: baggy clothes, sleeping too much, hair tied back, less makeup, eating stuff that makes me comfortably sleepy so that I can tune out the world. Even though exercise and healthy eating make me feel better, I tend to self-sabotage when I'm stressed or sad.

Anyway, lately, I've been trying not to avoid my body. I'm in a much more emotionally and psychologically healthy place than I was a couple of years ago, but many of the same bad habits are lingering. I'm afraid that the little progress I've made on my mental outlook will be destroyed by these bad habits again. I want to make some forward progress. So, I'm happier than I was, but still struggling with my body issues.

I am not my body. BUT...I am in a body and I have control (to some extent) over what that body looks like, as well as what happens to it. I need to acknowledge that.

My reasons for wanting to lose weight are different, now. I'm not trying to please anyone else or look good for anyone else; instead, I just think that I'd like being about 20-23 pounds less than I am right now (which is 188). I'd feel more comfortable in a bathing suit in a smaller size. I'd feel more confident in certain dresses in a smaller size. I think I'd have more energy for stuff I want to try if I were carrying less excess. I like myself at about 165; of course, I would prefer to be 150, but I don't think that's an attainable goal right now because it will require more time and effort than I can currently spare. So, for now, I'm aiming for 165.

neon_zephyr 02-23-2016 02:57 PM

So, I am back -- again, because bad habits have taken hold. Previously (in my absence from the forum) I lost a bunch of weight, managed to get down to a happy 148, but I wasn't posting as much online or anything because I had gotten really busy for a lot of reasons. Life got complicated, again, for legitimately real reasons, and now I have gained a bunch of weight back again. I am at my heaviest EVER at like 200lb (It might even be 203, but I don't have a scale today to check), and really depressed. The other day, I saw a photo of myself taken when I was giving a performance and was absolutely horrified. Not what I see when I look in the mirror, so I must have the opposite problem of what anorexic people have when they see themselves. No wonder my energy levels have been so low. I am exhausted all the time, not just because my schedule is INSANELY busy, but because I am grossly overweight. I need to do something about this, and decided to try to come back here in an effort to be more disciplined. :) So....back to the Sisyphian struggle of starting over again, pushing a giant boulder up a steep hill is what it really feels like right now, and I am trying not to get discouraged, but to be motivated to make things better!

neon_zephyr 06-11-2016 04:28 PM

New challenge
I lost weight. Managed to get down to a size 8. Life got complicated again, and I gained weight again. Now, I'm back up to a size 14-16. :( I have realized that my weight problems are related depression and other struggles; it's easy to stop caring about yourself when you're managing crises, but the roll is a heavy one. So, for the past week, I've been trying to re-establish a workout routine, again. I'm only exercising about a half hour a day and doing some basic yoga, but I'm hoping it turns into a more disciplined routine. I know I can lose the weight again, but I hate being in this situation and knowing that I just did this to myself because I have poor coping mechanisms. :(

Blueskywyoming 08-24-2016 05:32 PM

Back Again
Hi Everyone,
I am back again after losing 80 lbs and regaining 100 lbs. After working so hard to get my weight off, I just went back to my original way of eating, hence the weight gain. This is my first post back and I am embarrassed to start my posting. But the good thing is I have lost 10 lbs and back in mindset to keep going.

FatBoySlim1 05-22-2021 09:26 AM

Hey there! If your husband thinks you're not attractive it's his issue not yours. Cheating is definetly one of the worst things you can do to your partner. But you endured it and you're still here congrats! Just keep exercising and eating healthy. Don't compromise. Let the past go, let other people's comments and insults go they do you more harm. Focus on the now and here and keep thinking positive. Chin up and go after that 166 with a smile on your face!

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