Thank you, Terrigrrrl. :)
I must confess, having a son was a bit of a mystery to me having come from an all-girl family. We try not to treat our son and daughter differently, but certainly in our society there are still responsibilities in raising a boy that differ from those of a girl.
Although I believe that if you DO raise males and females equally well, things should work out. I guess I still see a lot of families raising boys without respect for women. Boys who are raised to believe that they deserve more than girls. That they are stronger and more capable. Why do we always have to "prove ourselves"? Like Kalpana Chawla. Yes, a wonderful woman, but first a human being. The fact that she was a woman should have no relevance. Yet it does. Very much.

Terri, what a beautiful thing for your daughter to do. And congratulations on your "anniversary". :)
And if I may be so bold... don't hold back from loving your daughter. It'll be a year this spring when my daughter tried to commit suicide. The longest year of my life. Don't hold back.

Thanks Ellis for the congrats and the boldness - ( I didn't take it that way :) )

I recognize this little problem of mine and I've gotten better at dealing with it over time. Some of this may be TMI and probably something most parents wouldn't want to confess to out of fear that we would think them horrible people, but sometimes I am just scared of it all - parenting is scary to me. Romantic relationships I understand, friendships, sibling relationships - got those down - but parenting? it scares the **** out of me.

I don't want to resort to the typical psycho stuff - but I have problems figuring it out - so I just try hard to do it the best way I can. I was never held or praised or touched by my mother my whole life, so I don't know what I am supposed to do. Maybe if I had given birth to her, it would come naturally. Her biological mother rejected her at birth and mine rejected me most of my life - so I guess I feel like we have that in common so we are there for each other. It is the strongest mixture of love and fear - this mothering gig.

I will tell you a nice story of something that happened to us once. She has Asian features and I am a typical American WASP - blonde and all. One day we were waiting online in a dept. store to return a blouse. A sweet black woman waited on us - she looked at my daughter and then she looked at me and she said to my daughter " Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like your mother?" My daughter almost wept with happiness.

I love that story.

I am sure if I had a little boy, I would just love him to pieces too, but I would probably drive him nuts trying to work against societal programming that tells us women don't have the same worth as men.

I am glad that your daughter has pulled through. I didn't know you yet when all that happened but (HUG) to you for how hard it must have been. Bless you and her Ellis.

I am a little weepy today. Started my period yesterday and all the sadness in the news over the past month - it gets to us sometimes.

Hope you're on a warming trend up there! Love, Terri

I completely understand how you feel, Terri. It IS scary being a parent. I had a "gushy" mother who dumped all her problems on me, and a very reserved father who was afraid of showing any affection. I'm very much like my father, and I have to make a very real effort to nurture my children. I'm a loner; too, and it's difficult for me to share my time with others. I'm selfish, and I resent time away from myself. :?:

It's a heck of a balancing act trying to be a combination of my mother and father. Plus adding whatever they "left out" in parenting me. I suppose not being satisfied that we're doing enough for our children makes us fairly adequate mothers, Terri? Continually searching for the perfect formula... :D

You know, I look at people now who are having babies and I can't help but think, "What the **** are you doing?! Are you NUTS!? You have no idea what you're in for!!" :lol: Life. It's a vicious circle.

I think that adoption is such a beautiful, selfless thing to do. Isn't it, Ruthie. :yes:
I love the story about you and your daughter. And thank you for the hugs. :) You sound like a darned good mom, Terri, and I know that you'll be all right.
xoxo

I am grateful for my friend Shirleyanne. We had sort of lost touch with each other in the past two years but I called her last week and we met at her house for lunch today. It was as if we had seen each other just last week! Coffee, chat, dogs running all over the place, good food and 6 hours just whizzed by.
Some old friends stand the test of time!

(Sorry, Ellis and Mauvais but we did not go out for dim-sum. You can't take 5 dogs to a restaurant even in Chinatown!:lol: )

I'm glad you're still good friends. Yes, some people are keepers, regardless of the passage of time.
We could take your dogs with us if we offered them to the cook! :D

oh yes, good old friends are one of the life's most wonderful treasures.......sounds like such fun Ruth!

Oh Ellis! I thought I was the only one who felt this way.......I sometimes crawl in bed with a book and she will come and jump on the bed and want to chat with me and I will think on one hand "sheesh......I need to be alone", then that makes me feel guilty! so I end up having her lay down next to me with her own book - sort of a compromise, I guess.

I just don't want her to complain about me to a therapist one day when she's an adult!, lol - but maybe all people do that!


Thanks again for listening.

Terri

Glad you got back with your friend Ruth! :) But it's a good job you didn't go to Dim Sum or Ellis and I would have been mad :mad: that you went without us ! :lol:

Terri-BELIEVE me, you aren't the only one!!! I need "me" time, even if it means staying up until 3 am to get it!!! Also, I have said things that had me thinking, "That's one for the therapist in 10 years." before I was even done saying it!!!

Ellis-Bad year I know, but think how much better it is NOW than it was just under a year ago..... (still 5).....and it is going to keep on GETTING better!!! :yes:

Ruth-Glad to hear you had so much fun!!!

Mauvais-How are you doing sweetie? Missed you.

Yeah, Terri... Dentrassi is another prime example of the "I love you kids but get the **** away from me right now" Mom. :lol:
She stays up until 3, I get up at 5. :D

Funny you should say that...I do the exact same thing with MY daughter! I was in bed last night with a book. DH was at band practice. DD came into my bed and was unusually chatty!! (in other words, telling her to read with me wasn't going to cut it) It took all I had not to say, "Get out of my bed, I'm having a quiet time!!" I lay there juggling between having a nervous breakdown for lack of "me time", and hurting my already psychologically damaged daughter. I gave her half an hour before sending her off with much love and many hugs. ;)

She's already dumped her shipload on the psychologist. If she has more to dump later, that's fine. I'm doing the best I can now. I think. :dz:

Hi chickies!

I haven't been around as much lately-I've been fighting off a bout of depression. Anxiety over hearing about the government job mixed with bad feelings about my current job :shrug: what can you do? I haven't been sleeping well either.

Everything else is going well though :)

Mauvais, I'm so sorry you've been depressed. What can we do to cheer you up? Some rough jokes? Some hugs? We'll see what we can dig up.
Don't be sad, sweetie... we love you.
xoxo :grouphug:

Thanks Ellis! :)

I feel better already!

I actually wished that my boss would drop off the face of the planet the other day :rolleyes: and that's not like me to be so mean!

Hey! SHRIMP TOAST!

Mauvais


(HUG) - January is a tough month of the year and it's been so cold and I think it just plain makes us ornery and lots of sad news on TV. Sorry you've been down, but each day it's staying lighter a little later....... imagine your boss is a just a pumpkin


Thinking of you.......... hugs and chopsticks,


Terri

A naked pumpkin!

Where am I? oh geez... it's the happy and grateful... ah well...

I think we've seen this one before, but it's good for another giggle.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk,
they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her
around his apartment, she notices that his
bedroom is completely packed with
sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute
small bears on a shelf all the way
along the floor, cuddly medium-sized
ones on a shelf a little higher, and
huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy
would have a collection of teddy bears, especially
one that's so extensive,
but she decides not to mention this to him, and
actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they
rip each other's clothes off and make hot
steamy love.
After an intense night of
passion with this sensitive guy, they
are lying there together in the
afterglow, the woman rolls over and
asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

HAHAHAHA!!!

Mauvais-Yup, things have been pretty bad here too. This is a rotten time of year, and hating your job just adds to it. Don't isolate yourself too much though, it only makes it worse in the long run. (Believe me, I have done this REPEATEDLY!!!)

Mauvais - I hope you are feeling better. Jobs do suck, don't they? I don't know if it will help for you, but when I am really diliking my boss, I try to remind myself that I like him as a person, just not as a manager. It is the only thing that has saved me from telling him so very nasty things.

:grouphug:
squeak