Terrigrrrl... you didn't know that Den and her DH are utter snobs? THAT'S why their kids are like that! ;)

Thanks for all of the happy thoughts Den, Ellis, Soozie & Terri.
Things are a little stressful, and we are just trying to figure stuff out. It is just strange right now. I spent the weekend there and we still currled up together to watch TV & to sleep. Still chased each other around to wrestle & tickle. Flirted but not much else. And I am not sure I can even do that any more. It hurt like ****, but very easy to slip back into that mode. Talked a little but I didn't get very far on what I had planned on talking about. All he did was look at my face, knew I was sad and he started crying. I didn't have the heart to tell him how I felt and make him feel worse. I chickened out and sent an email last night after I got home. Haven't heard back yet.

Ellis - wanna kick my butt too? I haven't even thought about dieting in the last few weeks.

Come on, Squeaker... it's okay to be sad for awhile, but you need to look after yourself, too. Get your butt in gear, girl. You hate exercising, don't you... I think it's time for a whole new Squeak. One who exercises. It'll make you feel soooo good. Get a plan together, okay? And come and report back to me. :D

I can not believe what your kids eat Den & Terri! They are very adventurous eaters. Very cool. :)

Soozie - I forgot to tell you, I love the name of the new thread. :D And I am also loving your story over in the How you met your partner thread. Such drama. :)

Thanks for the kick in the butt Ellis :drill:, but that whole exercise thing, no way. I don't understand you girls who feel GOOD after. I just feel sweaty and gross. And sometimes sore. And that does not feel good. :p As for feeling sad - I would feel sad if this whole thing wasn't going on. And besides it was just a fling, flings aren't suppose to hurt when they are done, this isn't suppose to hurt.

Right now my plan is to go to work every day - which is becoming increasingly difficult, not sit in the shower more then once a day, and when I do, not stay in there until I run out of hot water (one of my favorite depression activities is to sit in my tub with the shower going and cry), not to stress over my birthday - or more like do not over analyze where I am and what I have or more likely have not accomplished, and to not cut myself off from everyone like I normally do. oh and to finish the ice cream cake that is in my freezer

Squeak-I don't think it WAS just a fling, which is WHY it hurts so much. You seem to be in a LOT of pain right now. I know it isn't all because of what is happening with the boy, but it almost doesn't matter what is causing it. You need to take care of yourself sweetie!! I think you need a big hug and to treat yourself well.:grouphug: Just wish I could give you a REAL one!!! How about taking a nice hot BUBBLE BATH? Do a few things for yourself that will help relax you or just help you feel more like the wonderful alternachick that you are!! We all love you sweetie.

Barefoot-YUP!! You just described the 12 year old!! (minus cable.) My 15 year old just wants to sit in his room, play guitar and listen to CDs however!!)

Ellis-I'd agree with you, except that we can't afford the lifestyle!!!:p
Microbrew tastes, water budget!!

HI SOOZIE!!

Hi back Den,
Squeeky girl...I'm glad that you like reading my sordid tale! So sorry that you are feeling sad...Den is right...a loving fling. I've been there and it does hurt. The boy is very special to you.

Do you know why he wants to be "just friends"? Not that you have to tell us everything. I was just wondering if there has been good communication. I hate when things like this don't work out. You are such a sweety and he seems to be too it just seems like it should work. Sorry if I'm making you feel worse honey!

Just give me his telephone number and I'll talk some sense into the boy.

If you go and fall in love with someone else the boy will pine after you for the rest of his life...in fact, that is my prediction. you'll fall in love and be swept off of your feet...you'll get married and remain friends with the boy. Everytime he sees your fabulous love-filled passionate life he'll rue the day he let you slip away.

And of course you will live happily ever after.

Feel better soon and if you do soak in the tub, you can cry a little, but then put some decadent bubbles in there or some yummy bath oil and buy some exfoliating scrub and massage it into your feet and elbows and light some delicious candles and place them around the tub and play some beautiful music...and exfoliate. Exfoliating always makes me feel sexy and fresh and new...especially when I do it in candle light with my favorite reggae cd playing...recently I'm enjoying Shaggy's Lover Lover CD. Especially the song Oh Carolina... and if you hate to exercise just play that CD and dance around your house. (I did that today but don't tell anyone)

Love to you Squeaker!
Soozie

Oh dear, Squeak... I said the wrong thing (what else is new?). :(
Okay, no exercise for Squeak. Listen to Dentrassi and Soozie. Look after your inner self.
And even though you can't see us, you are surrounded by our love. You are very special to us, Squeak.
:grouphug:

Hello Ladies, Man I forgot how much you guys post & how I have to check in often to keep up! :)

Squeek Hang in there! Indulge yourself, feel sad, have one of those gut wrenching, sobbing cries, then shake it off & feel better! I know that it does not help now, but in the long run, if he can not give you his entire heart & love you like a passionate lover, you should give yourself the distance to find that! You deserve that. It will be hard to move on & look for that as long as he is there. Trust me been there! Nearly left my husband at the alter when my best friend came down to hug me & wish me well. I knew that he would never love me in a passionate way, but I did know that he would be safe & love me. After being married now I realize that we would have ended up very unhappy together. We are great as friends, but not enough there to build a life on...still had he mentioned it at all, I would have left that day, even though I did/do love my husband very much, it was just that Mike & I had been through everything together & he just had some special place in my heart. He still does! Even though we are both married with children, he still seems to know when to call & when I need him. It took us a while to get her, but it is a nice place to be! It will get better!

OK now for the exercise...LOL! I too hated it before! But I started slowly & now do feel better when I am done. I actually miss the little aches after a work out! Those were proof to me that I would be fit, skinny & healthy someday! I really do miss it when I skip a day. It is just half an hour out of my day, I can certainly afford that!

My kids are a bit on the freaky side when it comes to food too! LOL! My DS prefers Salad to anything else, they both hate pudding & think Yogurt is much better. DD thinks that Calamari & Muscles should be on our menu weekly! LOL. OK they don't slimy things, but not normal kid stuff either! They want me to make Spinach Quiche for Christmas dinner!

Well everyone just came into the office so I better pretend to work! LOL!

Chris
I love your quote,"Happiness is a thing to be practiced, like the violin." Hope you are feeling much better and your life is taking on some form of normal living after all the chaos you have been through.
Squeaker,
I wish I could just give you a big ol hug. It will get better, I know right now it does not seem like it, but it will. Take care of you!
Virginia

Just a quick note from work -
Thank you so much for all the hugs and thoughts!!!

I spent an hour and a half on the phone with him last night. We are still trying to work things out.

I will be back when I have more time to explain.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

:mouse:squeak

Awww...squeak...I hope things work out for you, whatever is best for you! Please take care of yourself, Soozie gives good advice, doesn't she? make sure she doesn't send you a bill! :lol: just kidding, sooz!

It's good to see your chatty posts again, Christina! You've sure been through a lot...but you've come through it and I know you are a stronger person for that...hugs and prayers to you!

Geez, with Christmas fast upon us, I can't keep up here! Though not for lack of trying. There are so many threads going, I try to read them all and then don't know which one to respond to and then an hour has passed and I still have dishes/laundry/shopping (pick one) to do...and THEN I have guilt on top of that for not doing any...WHEW! ...not to mention renewing my weight loss efforts...I am determined to NOT pack on 10 holiday pounds this year. I have started again...(yet again) I KNOW I can do this!

So...happy holidays to all... don't stress out this holiday season. Do what you can, and forget the rest. Martha Stewart is busy trying to stay out of jail, so she will NOT be critiquing (sp?) our decorations, menus, holiday activities, etc. Relax and enjoy the season!

:wave:

Thanks for YOUR advice Kat love...you're pretty good yourself...and about that bill...geez...I'd already mailed it...oops...do you think that is tacky?
Okay just disregard that bill Squeak!
sounds like you're hanging in there....which is good...and you know we all
care about you and are rooting for you out here in virtual friendland!
love Soozie who is now officially late for work...see my comments in the other thread about how that is your fault, no not Squeak's fault afterall she's going through enough...just the rest of you.

Ellis-I think exercise was a good idea!! I just don't want Squeaky beating up on herself if she has been a bit off program (OR a lot off!) lately. You can only handle so much at a time as we both know!!! (HEY!! I am still in my nightgown, but I HAVE called and made appointments, and had a long talk with my Mom about 12 year old's school situation! I may be depressed, but I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna let that stop me from taking care of my kids!!)

I know... I know.... Little Squeak has forgiven me. ;)

Hey Den... I think you're doing great! And you've got the BEST family! :yes:

Squeak~ sorry to hear about you and the boy.

I agree with Soozie. Sometimes things aren't meant to be no matter how bad we want them.

You are a beautiful, intelligent and talented woman...remember that! You will meet someone when you least expect it and they will treat you like the goddess you are, have faith sweetie! :grouphug:

Question for our noble moderator
 

Mauvais,
I know that I needed to resubscribe to threads after we changed servers but...do we have to resubscribe at certain intervals anyway?
We changed servers at least twice since I've been posting here and maybe that is why but it seems like periodically I stop getting notified of new postings and have to go in and subscribe to threads again...do you know the answer or should I ask Suzanne 3fc? Thanks, Soozie
now on to the hunt for the BOOBiE discussions for Velvet.

ok first of all - Thank you so much!! all of you. You girls are incredable and so supportive. You make me want to cry in the warm and fuzzy kind of way. And you should all probably send me a bill with all of the therapy/advice I have gotten. :lol:

But this is a quick post since I am exhausted. I haven't been home much in the last 2 days, which is good in some ways. Too busy to over think things. But I have thought some after talking to him Monday night. I told him I needed to talk to him some more soon which he was really happy about. I also told him that it is possible that I will try to drop off the face of the earth and if he didn't want that he will have to make an effort. He promised to call me at least once a week.

And sorry Soozie, but communication was a big part of the problem. We ended up with a very intense, very involved relationship with absolutely no ground rules. Which wasn't good, but it hadn't caused a problem, because it had been monogamous. Until about 3 weeks ago when he did something that ended up making me upset. Then I didn't really talk to him for 2 weeks, and I got more upset. He knew something was wrong but didn't push it, and accepted my answer of "I'm fine"
And we are just friends, in part because I can't mentally or emotionally handle the half assed fling right now.

We would have been together for a year this weekend.

But now I need sleep

:grouphug: Hugs to you all!!!!
:mouse:

Soozie-I think you will have to subscribe again since the server change. Suzanne would probably have more answers for that.

Squeak- I hope that you got some rest and are feeling better soon :)

Oh crap, Squeaker. :mad: I'm really sorry.
love and hugs... :df:

It's ok Ellis. I was upset mostly because it was completely out of the blue. It was only a one time thing that he did. And it was some one he had just met. And alcohol was involved. (And my stupid California friend's influence - though she is not the other girl, just other girl's friend) I think if I had some warning, we would have talked and I wouldn't be as upset. Plus if I would have told him what was wrong and got it out of my system, rather then letting it eat away for 2 weeks I would have been better.

He has apologized about 100 times.

We just have a lot more to sort out. Now that we have started talking I feel a little better. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea to fool around any more right now, he agreed. Definately not until we are completely ok again, if even then.


I got a lot of sleep last night and that felt wonderful. I plan on going to bed early tonight to, birthday or not.

Squeak... is it your birthday, hon?

Is this like that movie, "Circle of Friends"?
You're both such good friends, and I just want things to work out for you. :cry:

I haven't seen Circle of Friends. Maybe I should rent it.

No matter what we will be friends. Nice thing was the other night, even though I KNEW it, he told me I was his best friend. He had never actually told me that before.


and yup, I am 25 today.

Oh my gosh....

Happy Birthday, Squeaker!!!

:gift: :hat: :queen: :dance:

Yes, you should rent it.

:hat:HAPPY BIRHTDAY SQUEAKER!:cb::gift:

Happy Birthday Squeak!
 

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Some of my most painful memories are from breaking up after long relationships.

Remember this... the person you want to spend the rest of your days with must want to be with you over any other. He must love you as much as you love him. He must make you a top priority in his life. He must commit to you fully. Anything less than this and you are selling yourself short and will pay for it with a problematic relationship/marriage. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where you care more, love more, and hope more than your partner and are always the one ending up hurt and wondering and being apologized to. For someone with depression, the faulty automatic response is to blame yourself and feel that you are not good enough or unworthy of love. But the truth is that his feelings and actions have little to do with who you are as a person and everything to do with who HE is as a man.

I'm so very sorry this didn't work out but it seems like he just wasn't ready to commit to you. You deserve far better. I know it hurts more than anything and you feel like facing each day is unbearable. But you are stronger than you think... people (like us) who deal with depression are true survivors! Just take it one moment... one day at a time. It will hurt for awhile, probably a long time. But the pain will eventually fade and I promise that later in life you will look back (holding your new boyfriend's hand) and wonder "what was I thinking???" :^:

Dear Squeak,
Happy Birthday honey...you sweet young thing.
If you read my story you'll know, just because he slept with someone else doesn't mean there will never be a substantial relationship between the two of you. What seems unclear and uncommunicated really is what exactly the two of you have. You know that you are best friends and you know that you are attracted to each other.

So, at some point it feels imperative to really really talk...openly and clearly, both of you, without concern for each others feeling. You know, don't protect the other and don't protect yourselves too much. Say what is really true for each of you, what you would ideally want in a relationship with the other and then see if you can come up with something that works for both of you.

The thing is you were acting like friends, saying "we're friends" and then acting like lovers. You were not talking about what that all meant. So, if he had a thing with someone else it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you or want to be more than your friend. It may mean that he is scared of commitment,or feels like he is too young to make a commitment, or that he thought that you didn't want a commitment or that he is concerned about trying to be in a relationship when you are so far apart from one another.

I guess what I'm saying, because I'm a hopeless romantic, is, if it feels right and you love him, which it sounds like you do, don't let a fling tear you two asunder, if its not meant to be and you aren't right for each other, well okay. But, at least give it a chance by really talking and being clear with each other first.

If you aren't going to be in a relationship then you should really focus on being good friends with each other and NEVER be physical, even the wrestling would be off limits. Because you have the physical history and are attracted to each other and you'll have to work hard to move on from that and be just friends.

Love, Soozie

Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday dear SQUEAK, Happy Birthday to YOU!!!

:hat: :hb: Happy Birthday Squeak! :mouse: :gift:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SQUEAKY SWEETIE-PIE!!!!!!

:hb: :gift: :hat: :dance: :dance: :hat: :gift: :hb:

I agree with Soozie. The main thing is openness, honesty and trust. You two have a long history, and it is obvious that you love each other very much. The question is: Do you love each other as good friends, lovers or both? It seems like there has always been some confusion there between you two. He may have even been trying to force the issue in some drunken moronic kind of way. You once said that you had hurt him before by closing down. Try to stay open. It can be very scary, but when you stay open and it WORKS, thats when magis starts happening!!! And YES, once you figure out what the feelings are, and what the relationship is, stick to it!!!

We all love you; and you are a wonderful and worthwhile person OUTSIDE of this relationship as well as inside it!!!

Happy Birthday Squeak,
As for helping, I am sure there is nothing I could say to add to what all these wonderful FRIENDS here have said. We all love you and want the best for you.
Virginia

Friends is right Virginia. You girls are all amazing. You have helped so much and have given me so much to think about. I am feeling a little better about the whole thing.

Thank you so much for all of the birthday wishes. I was a bum and asleep by 9. :) I have had a ton of food in the last 2 days, and last night it was pizza dip & cookies for dinner.

I feel very fortunate to have found the Alternachicks. I have found so much advice, support, and love.

:grouphug:
squeak

COOKIES DIPPED IN PIZZA?!? YUCK!!!!

(tee hee):D

Oh, man.
I hate to be a whiner, but my darling DH just brought home the Christmas tree with the kids. When he brought it through the door, it was about 9 feet tall. Perfect for our ceilings. But the trunk was about 8 inches across, and he had to cut it down to get it into the holder. Now it's about 6 feet tall. And now that the branches are open, I see that the damned thing is over 6 feet ACROSS!!! It's taking up almost a quarter of my dining room. curses.
And there are over 2 dozen branches littering the floor. And countless needles. And I've got to babysit that darned 11 month old tomorrow. I wonder if he'd mind spending the day in the bathroom.

Oh, man.... you should see it. There's no room for the dining table...

LMAO!!!! Spend the day in the bathroom! No, I'm sure he won't just put him in the tub and throw in some toys, then lay some ply wood over top so he won't escape. A perfect plan. :devil: :lol: :joker:

Dear Scrooge...ummmm....I mean Ellis......

But now you have plenty of tree to decorate, Ellis. We always have more ornaments then branches. Hope the babysitting went well.

Den - not cookies in the pizza dip, just at the same sitting, which I realize still is borderline gross. :)

Ellis-How DID the babysitting go?

Squeak-I was just teasing!! I thought confusing it would be obnoxious, and that's what I do best!! (See, when I was a kid i was too "good", so now i am trying to get in touch with my inner brat.):p

We usually go for a chubby little live three footer with a root ball...well, I should say that is what we did last year and two years before that...the year inbetween we were treeless until the last minute and I bought a little teeny Charlie Brown tree in a pot that died.

The two others are thriving in our yard. One in the front yard and one in the backyard. We have room for lots of evergreens as we would like to create more privacy in the back and on one side of our property. I'll probably buy another three footer this year. My DP usually digs the hole to plant it when we get a warm December day. This December has been pretty cold so far...hope the ground isn't too frozen. With the live trees I don't like to keep them indoors too long...the less time inside the better. So, it won't be up too long. Less muss, less fuss...only those babies are really heavy!!!! So, I'll need help lugging it in the house...anyone want to come help?

Confession...didn't exercise today but did better with my eating after breakfast of champions. Hoping for gym tomorrow.
Love, Soozie

I'm not too far away, sooz...I'll be down in the morning...look for the fat chick with the Santa hat on!
Have the cocoa ready.

You got it girlfriend...and I know that you mean the sugar free, fat free hot cocoa right?
Goodnight! Soozie