No thank you. Hairballs. cough.

Crickets? Crickets are good luck! How about racoons? Have you ever heard racoons screaming at each other at 3 in the morning in a tree outside your bedroom window?

Well...
 

I admit I feel sorry for the little :mouse:... however... once they are in my food supply it becomes SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST! No remorse here... however they may live happily in my yard and garden and I have no problems. But stay out of my kitchen please!

YES!! CATS!! The only problem is they love you so much they tend to leave the little trophies as gifts in your slippers (that has happened to me TWICE...and I found out the hard way both times!!)

My parents have a darling indoor cat. They live in the country beside a farm, and at this time of year they get RATS coming into the house! Blah!
They've been putting poison down (away from the cat), but the other day the cat caught a mouse, and my parents had to frantically shake him to make him let go of the mouse (afraid it might have eaten poison)

Den, my mom is the one who ALWAYS finds the dead mice/rats. She'll see something on the floor, and not having her glasses on will think, "oh my, what's that?" and will pick it up.
:faint:

Ok so this amused me a great deal. Love ya all you Canadian chickies :) (and all the rest of you too)

Letterman's Top Ten Canadian Euphemisms For Sex

10. Playing mountie

9. Fur trapping

8. Making Peg whinny

7. Entering parliament

6. Pulling the goalie

5. Doin' it, eh?

4. Putting the "man" in Manitoba

3. High sticking

2. Stuffing a beaver

1. Oh, Oh, Oh Canada

Gotta love Dave!

:lol: Thanks Squeak! Although I think Dave forgot "Dunking the doughnut" ;)

If you know the Bible--even a little--you'll find this hilarious!
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testament. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in):

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

4. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Mosed led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, " a man doth not live by sweat alone."

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the opposums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.



Out of the mouths of babes:lol:
Mauvais

Loved those Mauvais. My favorites were numbers 3,4, 12, 20 and 23. By the way, what is Marmite?
morningglory

oh my gosh... another marmite-naive.

good, mauvais! :lol:

PARROT PIE

Serving Size : 12
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
12 Parakeets *
6 Thin slices of lean beef, 4
4 Rashers of bacon, 3
3 Hard-boiled eggs
1/2 ts Finely chopped parsley
1/4 ts Dried parsley
Finely grated lemon peel
Salt & pepper
Puff paste
Flour

* Parakeets are a small, long-tailed tropical parrot.

Method: Prepare the birds, and truss them like a quail
or any other small bird. Line a pie-dish with the
beef, over it place 6 of the paraquets, intersperse
slices of egg, parsley and lemon-rind, dredge lightly
with flour, and season with salt and pepper. Cover
with the bacon cut into strips, lay the rest of the
birds on the top, intersperse slices of egg, season
with salt and pepper, and sprinkle with parsley and
lemon-rind as before; three-quarter fill the dish with
cold water, cover with puff-paste, and bake in a quick
oven.

Time: About 2-1/2 hours. SUFFICIENT for about 12
persons.

From Mrs. Beeton's All About Cookery, Ward, Lock &
Co., Limited, date unknown.

Ellis-WOW!!!! Is THAT what you made for Thanksgiving?!:D

MorningGlory-Marmite is a british term for "ambrosia." It is a yeast extract that looks like tar but tastes fantastic!!! It is full of vitamins, is low fat and low in calories. It is WONDERFUL spread on bread with a bit of butter and some lettuce or cucumber. It is also good on toast (or toasted english muffins) for breakfast. You can even season soups or stews with it!!!!
Certain infidels on this site will tell you it is hideous.....DON'T BELIEVE THEM!!!!

Mauvais-Kids are pretty funny, aren't they?

Dentrassi is lying! Marmite is a british term for BLECH! :p


Mauvaisroux,
Infidel Extraordinaire

Den, I couldn't find any parakeets, so I substituted pigeons. Got out my trusty little sling-shot...

Morning glory, you will be fooled by Dentrassi's description of Marmite as being "low-fat" and "fantastic!". It SOUNDS good, but take note of the "looks like tar" bit. I assure you, there is no better description of the taste of Marmite than "tar". :D

Ruthxxx and Ellis, thought you might get a laugh out of this...

THINGS DOGS MUST TRY TO REMEMBER:

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't had a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining peices of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not chew on my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons and pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

I will not take whatever I please and hid it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.

When in the car I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it is raining outside.

The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refridgerator.

I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.

I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just amoment.

I will not chase the cat and knock over breakable things in the process.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on tv.