Spousal insecurities
 

I assume this is normal to some extent, but I wonder if anyone has a solution.

I met my husband when I weighed about ten pounds less than my high, so he's used to me being a fatty. He's never complained about it, but he has encouraged me to lose weight when I've expressed dissatisfaction with my appearance. Truth be told, he's a little weight obsessed himself. One day, he thinks he's too thin; the next, he asks if he looks fat. (He's neither. I met him at 6'2, 175 pounds and he was a string bean. He's pretty hot at 6'2, 215. He's a little mushy, but otherwise fine.)

Since I've been losing weight, he's been showing some signs of insecurity. I also have a new(ish) job where I meet a lot of people. He's been encouraging me to find a different job every time I mention anything negative about it, even though I constantly tell him how much I love my job. He complains that my sex drive is low, and he thinks I'm not attracted to him. My sex drive is normally very high--higher than his--but I've started a new medication and it's taking awhile for everything to fall back into place. He told me the other day that he read something about five signs your wife is leaving you, and I have three of those signs. (Appearance change, weight loss, low sex drive.) Um, okay, but could I lose weight without changing my appearance? I don't think both those count! Also, he mentioned that I've been dressing better. Well, yeah! I stopped buying new clothes because I hated shopping. I finally had to buy some, or my pants would have been around my ankles half the time, and not in the fun way.

Anyway, we have a very solid marriage, but if he's this insecure with a 30-pound loss, just a few pounds lighter than when we met, I wonder how he's going to handle it when I'm far thinner than he's ever known me? He's changing careers, going into a field dominated by women, so if anyone should worry, it's probably me, and I'm okay. Aside from my constant reassurances and undying loyalty [/dripping sarcasm], how do you guys handle this?

*crickets*

Maybe it's not as normal as I thought.... :D

Hey Ecogeek,

I have heard of this type of thing happening to other people quite often. I'm not a professional therapist but I have read other people's input on this type of thing and it sometimes stems from that person's own insecurities, or perhaps being threatened by the changes in you becoming more outgoing and self-confident.

I don't have any experience with this myself so I don't feel qualified to give advice on the matter.

Maybe someone who has experienced this can help?

DH and I have had issues similar to this, except in reverse. I'm the insecure one. Upstairs in my head, the logical place, I know he loves me and nothing's going to happen; he tells me every day. But sometimes, my fears override my common sense and I freak out. DH's always very kind, reassuring, and understanding.

Just try to be gracious and try try try not to get upset with him. It is his issue, not yours. He just needs your love and support until he finally understands that you love him and you're not going anywhere.