Am I as fat as her????
 

I grew up with a 'mom sized' mother my entire life. Always, when we were out places she'd see a larger woman and ask us if she was as fat as them? How do you answer that? Are my arms as fat as hers?
So, now, at the age of 54 I've found myself trying to figure this out for ME!!! How nuts is that! I work out five days a week, have hashimoto syndrome and try my best to maintain a relatively balanced diet.
But, I wonder...am I a fat person? Do people see me that way? I have zero clue what I weigh but wear a size 12. This would be awesome if I were 5'10" but I'm not...only 5'2". So, that's me..and the voices in my head beat me up on a daily basis. I never understood my mom's insatiable need to know that she 'was not as bad' as someone else. As women we compare ourselves to a fault.
So, I do my thing...struggle from meal to meal. I never have a day where I don't wonder if I should or should not eat something. I'd love to sit down to a meal and be blessed with the ability to simply eat what I like. But, I woke up today...and I hope to do so tomorrow. Thanks for listening.:devil:

Well, I would kill to be a size 12, so I think you're probably fine as you are, but it's what you think that matters.

not meant that way
 

Well, I hesitated to put my size...I apologize if that's offensive. But, it's all about what and how we feel. I'm uncomfortable in my skin...it's been a struggle my entire life. My demons are just as loud and nasty as those in the head of a woman 1/2 my size or double my size. Ugh...why are we so mean to ourselves!

Honestly, fat is such a relative perspective. (Pun intended, too.) I would love to be size 12 again. I haven't been that size in 25 years! But don't give up; you are doing great. If you want to torture yourself, calculate your BMI to see if you are overweight. Then, take a deep breath and focus on what your plan is.

FYI, I think you might enjoy "Size 12 Is Not Fat" by Meg Cabot. It is NOT a diet or fitness book. It's a work of pure fiction - and very entertaining.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You can and will get there

Hi deeter! Oh how I can relate. About comparing, about second-guessing, all of it. I was in a very bad habit of CONSTANTLY looking at other women, young and old, and looking at their body shapes and comparing to myself, but always putting myself down and them up :p

I have successfully come down 22+ pounds from June of last year, yet I still 'feel' the same! I don't 'feel' thinner. Yet it's only when I get on that darned bathroom scale and see the actual weight , that is what makes me 'feel' thinner and happy! :?: Or when I get a compliment from someone, 'have you been losing weight? you look great!'

LOL at booklover's comment, if you want to torture yourself, look up your BMI. Even my doctor, at my last visit, when he congratulated me on going from 169 to 151, showed me on the BMI charts that I was still technically 'overweight'. Uh, thanks alot, jerk :devil:

Yet I am proud of my physical fitness, I can shovel snow for 2 hours and not be sore the next day, in the summer I wrestle a push mower over my hilly yard, weedwhack, dig, transplant, ride my motorcycle, do my Leslie Sansone weighted walking workouts, sometimes a youtube workout and I'm pretty flexible.

You pondered 'am I a fat person? do people see me that way?' and we HAVE to force ourselves to stop thinking like that!!! because it really doesn't matter what the heck others think. I know it is running through your mind but you can try to stop it, I have had some success with cognitive behavior therapy which is just a fancy-@ss way of training your mind to stop being so negative. As soon as that thought pops in your head you have to force yourself to think of something else, something positive about yourself, and keep doing that every single time!

and I am close to your age, a couple years older, and isn't it sucky that being alive over 50 years we are still worried about this stuff!! Yes we woke up this morning and we are thankful for that ! :hug:

Oh yes Vermont mom....the mind is a wonderful and terrible thing at the same time!
My journey has been a very long one...I sure wish I could wake up one day and not have it in the forefront. But, this is my burden....I suppose it could be worse! Soldier on.

Hmmm...

I had a size-obsessed mom too. (Shocking, I know.) It was always awkward. What do I answer when she demands an answer to such a question? What's the kind answer? What's the correct answer? What happens if I say 'yes?' What if I say 'no?'

For me, as an adult, I just find those sorts of questions counterproductive no matter what the answer is. I try to ask questions like, 'Have I been honest with myself today?' 'Have I been out of the house, been for a walk, eaten some nutritious food...

Seriously. What if I die without ever having gotten 'there,' whereever 'there' is? For me, genuine happiness means being honest with myself and using that as a starting point to compare myself with who I was yesterday. I guess I learned from my mother's mistakes.

I needed to respond to this because I can truly relate and (shamefully) asked a question like that to my son who was 10 at the time. It was about 10 years ago, we were at the doctors office and I saw a girl I went to high school with who use to be very popular, have a perfect shape and was absolutely beautiful. I didn't recognize her at first - I thought she looked much older. I turned to my son and said "who looks older, me or that lady over there??" It was a quite the awakening when he said, without missing a beat, "you do mom!" I'll never forget it and I will never ask a question like that (out loud) again!! But, in all seriousness, I do find myself comparing myself to others. At work I will look at a reflection of myself next to someone I think may be a bit heavier than me or someone who I think I use to be the same size as - and I secretly compare. I cringe when the conversation at work centers around a co-worker/friend (who I have been dieting with over the years) lost 50 pounds and how now she's "skinny" and wears nice clothes - and then there's me (I am truly happy for her but it makes me feel like a failure and the conversation, although it's not about me, makes me very uncomfortable/ashamed) I do agree with the other posters that it's not healthy to think like this and I've been told that at a certain age you just don't care what other people think of you - but I'm 55 and I still seem to!

Magicsusan, when you die, the only person your size will matter to is the pall bearers. LOL


SAVINGUP, keep in mind, that to a 10 year old, being "older" is a good thing. They can't wait to get older, so he was giving you a compliment.

I think we all compare ourselves to each other. I know I do it all the time.

quick question....is this particular group for people who need to lose over 50lbs or over the age of 50.

I am also 5'2" and wear a size 12. I weigh 150 which is really hard sometimes because honestly, even though they say it is the average size of women in the USA, I feel fat. When I was younger (I just turned 58 on the 13th) anyway, I was gonna say I was always a size 5 so a 12 feels huge to me. So don't feel alone, I struggle everyday with this issue. Thanks for letting me vent. :))

SAVINGUP...I'm 58 and still seem to as well : (

Hi slimlisa...Wow, I can really relate, I too am 5'2, 150 and I used to be a size 2-4. I feel as though someone kidnapped the real me, I see myself in the mirror and I don't recognize me, face or body!!! I know that wanting to lose 30 pounds isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but for me it is because I'm so uncomfortable and this is a new experience for me. That being said, reading your post reminded me why I'm here, I'm here to connect with other women that I can relate to :)

The relating part is the reason I am here too. Surely there have to be other 5'2" women in a size 12 that feel awful in their skin. Im not even unrealistic and wanting to be a size 6...I would be happy in a 10! My son gets married in two months and I really wanted to lose a couple extra before now and then...we shall see.
Thanks for helping me to feel 'normal'

Time to VENT....I'm sick and tired of this. I sit here feeling HUGE and I'm so tired of being bullied by my own body. What the **** is wrong with me? I exercise regularly, try to eat as best as possible...although the usual veggies I get is a large helping of spinach in my smoothie! I could otherwise go days without any veggies. Protein is my friend and my enemy...I'm sick of thinking about what NOT to eat rather than what to eat. I was taught to believe that envy was wrong...but it creeps in very often. I see other women with 'thigh gap' and long sinewy arms and fingers and wonder how I got the short end of the stick.
Ok...maybe I feel a tad better now. Surely I'm not alone...others get angry like this too, right?

deeter,

A size 12 on me would be too skinny. I am 5'6 and big boned. My shoulders are football players shoulders. 160 is the perfect weight for me.

For you I am quite sure it is much lower cause of your height. Point you can't compare me to you. (LIke you didn't know that already). We are 2 different body types. So stop beating yourself up it will only have negative effects on you. (Been there done that). I am 59 so I have been there also.

I would ask my husband if I was bigger then a certain women also. For me it was a wake up call cause I never saw myself that big. Or at a function I would look to see if anyone else was bigger then me to feel more comfortable. Alas most times I was the biggest. I weighted 317 pds at one time.

This past year I have lost 44 pds. Slowly wish it was faster but at least I am down. I am retiring so it is a big motivator to get moving.

Use your son's wedding as a motivator if you can.

Lastly we are getting too old to care about what someone else says. I know it's hard. But we know we have lived most of our life already and I am choosing to live it happy and healthy...

Mary

Understood Mary....but this is totally NOT about what others think or say...it's about ME!!! It's so tough what we do to ourselves! I've never met a man who obsessed like this! AN,d yes, for the wedding...this is truly a wonderful event and I am going to focus on my son and NOT me!!! Easier said than done! Thanks for your input

just me again....having a crappy day. Not only do I struggle with who I am, but to compound it all I have hashimoto's syndrome. This takes it's toll on me emotionally and physically. So, today I'm just struggling. Normally I can keep my mind on the positive side but today it's not working so well.
Oh well...tomorrow is a new day!

anger issues
 

Hello all,

I wanted to address the anger issues. I don't struggle with anger as much as I do depression. I noticed once I got into my 50's it's like I became invisible. That is what I find to be a bit heartbreaking. Nobody looks at me anymore so with that, and compounded by the "fat" issue, sometimes I feel like why the **** am I even here anymore. I feel ugly and frumpy and no amount of makeup is going to erase 25 years off my face. I divorced after only 2 years of marriage and never remarried so at 58 I have no shot and I know that. Anyway, I just want to vent today. Thanks for listening.

THIS. EXACTLY. I understand ... i could do 50's and be ok, but 50's and this weight thing is too much. I too am single with 2 kids who are almost through college. I should be looking forward to this new phase of my life, but instead I feel like there isn't much to look forward to.

Hi,

I have just joined the forum and I am post 50......*does cartwheel badly*.

Just feeling a bit blue and fat and....fat...and...oh yeah...fat!

I am on the Dukan Diet and 3 days in and I am ready to tackle the weight issue (again).

Wanted to say 'hi' and also wonder if people may want to support each other as we all do the weight loss and try not to give up?

XE

I'm so glad I found this forum! I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired... and FAT... and felt it would be helpful to have others in the same predicament to help me stay motivated to get off my butt and do something about my weight. I'm 58 years old, 5'3", and weigh 160 lbs. For the first 40 years of my life, I was underweight to the point people made fun of me, so I felt like I needed to gain weight to be accepted by society. STUPID thing to do. I had a hysterectomy at age 39 and started packing on the pounds. I could kick myself for not dropping that first 5 lbs. before it multiplied exponentially. I was in a bad marriage then and didn't care about the weight. Now I'm divorced and remarried to the man of my dreams and I want to look good for him. He says I look great to him like I am, but I'm not happy with my size. I have no energy. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and I cringe at the thought of going into the store to try on clothes that never fit right or look good on me. I've had to accept the fact that I'm older now and my style needs to change somewhat. I used to sew all my clothes, but then got fat and have had trouble finding the "just right" pattern size. I bloat up like the good year blimp with even just a few bites of food. Something has got to give, and I'm finally motivated to get started. What have the rest of you found that works best when you're just starting out? I've started a bullet journal for my weight loss journey. It helps to write down what I eat each day--it's a real eye-opener. I have no will power, so this is going to take some daily motivation. I've also started counting the cups of water I drink each day. That was an eye-opener, too. I was seriously only drinking 2-3 cups of water a day before!!! Yikes! My poor body! Thanks for letting me rant on and on. Nice to "meet" you ladies!

Jumping onto this thread late ... maybe the posters are no longer on this site. But I read every post and can relate. I'll be 57 this February and my sister and I joke that sometimes we are shocked when we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a window because we didn't realize we were aging as much as we are. A woman in her 50s can indeed feel invisible in this society. But we also have far more hutzpah than we ever had in our lives and will say what needs saying far quicker than when we were young. When I was young it bothered me if men leered at me. I didn't mind if they gave me appreciative looks, but I didn't like leering. There's a difference. Then somewhere in my 40s I noticed only older men looked at me. Now I'm in my 50s, I'm completely free of any attention and to be honest, I really love it. I want to be just a human at this point. Weight loss is just for ME ... no one else.

Sometimes I'll drive home from work and wonder if the mostly younger people in my office think it's time for me to retire. But then I tell myself, so what if they do? I'm sailing the ship of my life, not them.

I love your attitude, Follena!

Men my age will still look, but they won't have anything to do with me. But men half my age and twice my age will look twice, but um, no thanks!

:yikes:

Shucks thanks, Oh yeah there's always those ones twice or half our age :o

Just wanted to point out that that lady you are comparing yourself to is comparing herself to somebody else. We always focus on our short comings. Youre asking am I fatter than her and shes wondering if her nose is too big. We women are way too hard on ourselves. I have never heard a straight man ask do these pants make my butt look fat. 400 pounds and with a pot belly and they will still strut their stuff. :dizzy:

Im a little older than most of you. I will be 70 on my next BD. I have always been taller (5'10") than others my age. In my later years I have met people the same size or taller but they are always younger than me. I don't know what theyre feeding kids now a days but there seem to be a lot of 6' girls around now.

My Mom was also taller than her peers. Both of us were bullied in school and by family for being tall. All the women in our family are short except for us. Some were under 5'. My Mom had self esteem issues all her life. Me I got an attitude. Used to wear 3" heels.

Seriously. I think I am comfortable in my skin because I have never based my worth on my looks. We are all a lot more than our size. Im fat because I over medicated myself with carbs and sweets to help me get thru some rough times. Im losing this weight for me so that I can wear my favorite pants again. I dont give a rats patootie if somebody else thinks Im fat. :carrot:

nooo

nooo?

Too many women are obsessed with being thin. You've done something right to make it to 50, eh ! Most of your male counterparts are going to be every bit as fat as you !

It's just natural to weigh more at 55 than 25 !

I think it stops with comparing ourselves to other women, and supporting each other while making good decisions.

A friend of mine is a social media influencer in her early 20s, and she looks like what you'd think an influencer in her early 20s looks like: Gorgeous, thin, bright-eyed. And no, she doesn't just look this way through filters. She's genuinely beautiful. That isn't a guarantee of success, even in a field where image is everything. Sure, I'd love to look like her, but I'm not getting there without a passport and a time machine.

I'm a believer that if you want it badly enough, you'll get up and do it. It requires being focused on the goal in your weak moments. When you cave, you get back up. It really is one choice at a time. Yeah, the animal part pf my brain would rather be eating shortbread than writing this post to you, but it's one choice at a time, really.

I don't care what size someone else is, because it does nothing for me. My body, health, and image is what I'm concerned with.

I am "fatter" than her!
 

Perspective. I have wondered when looking at other's whether I looked as big as they are. When I looked in the mirror I saw the same person I had been looking at for years. Bigger size clothes, but I thought I looked okay. Then... a picture at work was unexpectedly taken of me and posted for informational reasons. I was standing training three of my male coworkers and I know exactly how "big" I think they are. I was bigger than all of them. I was shocked! Like catching yourself in a window. This motivated me to lose weight several years ago. Now... I am inching up again and struggling to get healthier. Let's not judge each other and ourselves by size, but support each of us on how healthy we are (or are getting!)

Thank you for posting this . I am 70 and going through this now.