3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/)
-   Age 50+ (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/age-50-217/)
-   -   Am I as fat as her???? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/age-50/314907-am-i-fat-her.html)

deeter 01-09-2018 06:43 PM

Am I as fat as her????

I grew up with a 'mom sized' mother my entire life. Always, when we were out places she'd see a larger woman and ask us if she was as fat as them? How do you answer that? Are my arms as fat as hers?
So, now, at the age of 54 I've found myself trying to figure this out for ME!!! How nuts is that! I work out five days a week, have hashimoto syndrome and try my best to maintain a relatively balanced diet.
But, I wonder...am I a fat person? Do people see me that way? I have zero clue what I weigh but wear a size 12. This would be awesome if I were 5'10" but I'm not...only 5'2". So, that's me..and the voices in my head beat me up on a daily basis. I never understood my mom's insatiable need to know that she 'was not as bad' as someone else. As women we compare ourselves to a fault.
So, I do my thing...struggle from meal to meal. I never have a day where I don't wonder if I should or should not eat something. I'd love to sit down to a meal and be blessed with the ability to simply eat what I like. But, I woke up today...and I hope to do so tomorrow. Thanks for listening.:devil:

Wannabehealthy 01-09-2018 07:23 PM

Well, I would kill to be a size 12, so I think you're probably fine as you are, but it's what you think that matters.

deeter 01-09-2018 08:00 PM

not meant that way
Well, I hesitated to put my size...I apologize if that's offensive. But, it's all about what and how we feel. I'm uncomfortable in my skin...it's been a struggle my entire life. My demons are just as loud and nasty as those in the head of a woman 1/2 my size or double my size. Ugh...why are we so mean to ourselves!

booklover 01-09-2018 08:15 PM

Honestly, fat is such a relative perspective. (Pun intended, too.) I would love to be size 12 again. I haven't been that size in 25 years! But don't give up; you are doing great. If you want to torture yourself, calculate your BMI to see if you are overweight. Then, take a deep breath and focus on what your plan is.

FYI, I think you might enjoy "Size 12 Is Not Fat" by Meg Cabot. It is NOT a diet or fitness book. It's a work of pure fiction - and very entertaining.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You can and will get there

VermontMom 01-10-2018 10:50 AM

Hi deeter! Oh how I can relate. About comparing, about second-guessing, all of it. I was in a very bad habit of CONSTANTLY looking at other women, young and old, and looking at their body shapes and comparing to myself, but always putting myself down and them up :p

I have successfully come down 22+ pounds from June of last year, yet I still 'feel' the same! I don't 'feel' thinner. Yet it's only when I get on that darned bathroom scale and see the actual weight , that is what makes me 'feel' thinner and happy! :?: Or when I get a compliment from someone, 'have you been losing weight? you look great!'

LOL at booklover's comment, if you want to torture yourself, look up your BMI. Even my doctor, at my last visit, when he congratulated me on going from 169 to 151, showed me on the BMI charts that I was still technically 'overweight'. Uh, thanks alot, jerk :devil:

Yet I am proud of my physical fitness, I can shovel snow for 2 hours and not be sore the next day, in the summer I wrestle a push mower over my hilly yard, weedwhack, dig, transplant, ride my motorcycle, do my Leslie Sansone weighted walking workouts, sometimes a youtube workout and I'm pretty flexible.

You pondered 'am I a fat person? do people see me that way?' and we HAVE to force ourselves to stop thinking like that!!! because it really doesn't matter what the heck others think. I know it is running through your mind but you can try to stop it, I have had some success with cognitive behavior therapy which is just a [email protected] way of training your mind to stop being so negative. As soon as that thought pops in your head you have to force yourself to think of something else, something positive about yourself, and keep doing that every single time!

and I am close to your age, a couple years older, and isn't it sucky that being alive over 50 years we are still worried about this stuff!! Yes we woke up this morning and we are thankful for that ! :hug:

deeter 01-10-2018 12:05 PM

Oh yes Vermont mom....the mind is a wonderful and terrible thing at the same time!
My journey has been a very long one...I sure wish I could wake up one day and not have it in the forefront. But, this is my burden....I suppose it could be worse! Soldier on.

Magicsusan 01-15-2018 02:43 AM


I had a size-obsessed mom too. (Shocking, I know.) It was always awkward. What do I answer when she demands an answer to such a question? What's the kind answer? What's the correct answer? What happens if I say 'yes?' What if I say 'no?'

For me, as an adult, I just find those sorts of questions counterproductive no matter what the answer is. I try to ask questions like, 'Have I been honest with myself today?' 'Have I been out of the house, been for a walk, eaten some nutritious food...

Seriously. What if I die without ever having gotten 'there,' whereever 'there' is? For me, genuine happiness means being honest with myself and using that as a starting point to compare myself with who I was yesterday. I guess I learned from my mother's mistakes.

SAVINGUP 01-15-2018 02:59 PM

I needed to respond to this because I can truly relate and (shamefully) asked a question like that to my son who was 10 at the time. It was about 10 years ago, we were at the doctors office and I saw a girl I went to high school with who use to be very popular, have a perfect shape and was absolutely beautiful. I didn't recognize her at first - I thought she looked much older. I turned to my son and said "who looks older, me or that lady over there??" It was a quite the awakening when he said, without missing a beat, "you do mom!" I'll never forget it and I will never ask a question like that (out loud) again!! But, in all seriousness, I do find myself comparing myself to others. At work I will look at a reflection of myself next to someone I think may be a bit heavier than me or someone who I think I use to be the same size as - and I secretly compare. I cringe when the conversation at work centers around a co-worker/friend (who I have been dieting with over the years) lost 50 pounds and how now she's "skinny" and wears nice clothes - and then there's me (I am truly happy for her but it makes me feel like a failure and the conversation, although it's not about me, makes me very uncomfortable/ashamed) I do agree with the other posters that it's not healthy to think like this and I've been told that at a certain age you just don't care what other people think of you - but I'm 55 and I still seem to!

Wannabehealthy 01-15-2018 03:47 PM


Originally Posted by Magicsusan (Post 5345423)

Seriously. What if I die without ever having gotten 'there,' whereever 'there' is?

Magicsusan, when you die, the only person your size will matter to is the pall bearers. LOL

SAVINGUP, keep in mind, that to a 10 year old, being "older" is a good thing. They can't wait to get older, so he was giving you a compliment.

I think we all compare ourselves to each other. I know I do it all the time.

deeter 01-17-2018 02:58 PM

quick question....is this particular group for people who need to lose over 50lbs or over the age of 50.

slimlisa 01-17-2018 03:09 PM

I am also 5'2" and wear a size 12. I weigh 150 which is really hard sometimes because honestly, even though they say it is the average size of women in the USA, I feel fat. When I was younger (I just turned 58 on the 13th) anyway, I was gonna say I was always a size 5 so a 12 feels huge to me. So don't feel alone, I struggle everyday with this issue. Thanks for letting me vent. :))

slimlisa 01-17-2018 03:17 PM

SAVINGUP...I'm 58 and still seem to as well : (

4Stevie 01-18-2018 05:18 PM

Hi slimlisa...Wow, I can really relate, I too am 5'2, 150 and I used to be a size 2-4. I feel as though someone kidnapped the real me, I see myself in the mirror and I don't recognize me, face or body!!! I know that wanting to lose 30 pounds isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but for me it is because I'm so uncomfortable and this is a new experience for me. That being said, reading your post reminded me why I'm here, I'm here to connect with other women that I can relate to :)

deeter 01-19-2018 06:08 PM

The relating part is the reason I am here too. Surely there have to be other 5'2" women in a size 12 that feel awful in their skin. Im not even unrealistic and wanting to be a size 6...I would be happy in a 10! My son gets married in two months and I really wanted to lose a couple extra before now and then...we shall see.
Thanks for helping me to feel 'normal'

deeter 02-10-2018 08:05 PM

Time to VENT....I'm sick and tired of this. I sit here feeling HUGE and I'm so tired of being bullied by my own body. What the **** is wrong with me? I exercise regularly, try to eat as best as possible...although the usual veggies I get is a large helping of spinach in my smoothie! I could otherwise go days without any veggies. Protein is my friend and my enemy...I'm sick of thinking about what NOT to eat rather than what to eat. I was taught to believe that envy was wrong...but it creeps in very often. I see other women with 'thigh gap' and long sinewy arms and fingers and wonder how I got the short end of the stick.
Ok...maybe I feel a tad better now. Surely I'm not alone...others get angry like this too, right?

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