From 100 Days of Weight Loss by Linda Spangle (paraphrased by me)
Half-Off Special - take 1/2 what you usually eat or what you want. If you don't feel satisfied, save the rest for 2 hours and then decide if you still need it. Start by doing this with at least 5 foods.
Decide you will not go back for seconds...ever. Even at a buffet take food once only. If you go back for seconds you are probably just hooked on the taste of the food rather than needing fuel (another novel concept!
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Don't worry if it's a medium or large pizza, just set a limit on the slices. If you're really still hungry after eating your designated amount, reach for a salad or a few raw vegetables.
Learn to recognize whether it's your body or your head that still wants food.
Days 11-20 complete. Don't stop now. If you're struggling, push yourself to finish just one more day. You'll immediately be another day closer to achieving your weight-loss goals. JUST DO ONE MORE DAY!
From If I'm So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight? by Brooke Castille (paraphrased by me)
Belief Tool#2
We have many illogical beliefs that drive us.
A belief gives us a certainty about what things mean and who we are. If you want to know what your beliefs are..look at your life. Your life is your beliefs manifested. What we believe encompasses what we do, what we say, and how we react.
Anything you want to change in your life must be changed from the belief level if you want the change to be permanent. You cannot just treat the symptom, you must dig deep and get to the belief that caused you to get there in the first place.
As children we tend to blame ourselves for everything because we don't understand the complexities of other people's lives and experiences. We internalize the blame for our negative circumstances ..like our parents fighting for instance...because the alternative of being completely out of control is unthinkable. We think if we were better things would be different. At least we feel like there is something we can do about it. We search for ways to cope and survive by trying to generalize what everything means. We take two unrelated things...like our behavior and our parents' marriage...and connect them. When they later divorce we may internalize that and believe we weren't good enough to keep them together.
The bad news is that many of us still have beliefs that developed when we were too young to know any better. So as adults we have to go in and find all these illogical beliefs and evaluate them with new eyes. Just because a belief seems illogical doesn't mean we still don't believe it.
Example: When you have a negative feeling, like perhaps you are anxious about a man not calling you ..you evaluate it to see what is really going on deeper. Sit with it and you may find it is really fear. Going deeper you may realize you are afraid of rejection. Going deeper you realize you are afraid of rejection because you think you are not worthy. BINGO! Crappy belief system found! Maybe it was because you didn't get much love from your father as a child..so you started thinking you were not worth of love. Here you are 40 years later still believing it! Is it logical? No, but on some level you believe it to be true and it is causing you have anxiety about him calling.
Imagine you didn't have this belief. Imgine you knew you were worthy of wondrous love. Imagine you felt great about yourself. Now imagine that you come home to no call. You wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has rejected you. If for some reason he did reject you, You'd just simply see that he was not the man for you. You would be able to look at it from a place of security and calmness because you are worthy and you would know that you deserve love and that it is just going to be from yourself until the right man comes along.
Can you see how connected all this is to overeating and your weight? In the first belief you might feel anxiety and overeat. You might even eat enough to gain weight. You then use the weight gain and the fact that you cannot fit into your clothes as further proff that you are not worthy of a loving relationship. With a lot of further weight you might attract fewer suitors.. then further prove your believe systems to yourself. But it doesn't make it true!! It just means your belief system is being well fed, instead of evaluated and starved of proof.
So to review:
1. Acknowldge and feel the feeling
2. Follow where it leads. When you get to the belief pay attention to it no matter how illogical it may seem to you as an adult. See how it has manipulated you and get busy changing it to something true.
We believe our circumstandes are proof that our belief is true, when it may be the belief that is manifesting our circumstances.
Me - I realize the illustration may not apply to many of us here but I think you can see how the same thing can happen from any deeply rooted negative belief.
hanks for your suggestions, I'll look for a support group for family members-DS refuses to admit problem let alone go to group. He has been in & out of mental health support of all types from the army to local mental health. He just won't stay. The army would pay for most if he'd just go. My DSK gets lots of help for PTS from Iraq war and does every thing he can to help himself-he tries to help DSJ-it's a no go and there you are.
Isn't it just great!
we did get good news tho. my dd had her house rented and her renters are moving so they can move back into their home in 3 weeks. she is so excited to get her home back and now can have her furbabies too. its like starting all over for them. we are giving them some of our extra furniture till they can get what they want. i roasted a turkye breast yesterday and am making a salad like a waldorf salad only with the turkey,apples celery,grapes and cashews. with alite mayo and lemon dressing. ive made it befor and love it. hoping your evenings peaceful rosey 
