Question about inspiring change in those over 50 - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

MalibuBeachBound · 07-08-2008, 04:16 PM

Hello. My mom is going to be 62 at the end of this month. She has struggled with her weight since she had me 28 years ago maybe even after my brother 31 years ago. She is 5'4" and weighs 225 lbs or so. I know a healthy, realistic weight for her would be around 150. I would love it if she dropped the 75 lbs but she doesn't eat well and has more interest in flavor than in healthy choices. She is diabetic, has high cholesterol, hypertension and both of her parents died before age 60.

I currently weigh 160-164 lbs and am 5'7". If I found a way to drop the 25 lbs that I want to lose, do you think that would inspire my mom to do the same? Would it inspire you? I worry about her so much and I live 600 miles away from her so I can't even be there to help... and even when I was she would end up just feeling bad because I pushed the issue too hard. I just want her to live a long, healthy life.

marbleflys · 07-08-2008, 04:24 PM

I think it has to be what SHE wants to do, not what you want for her to do.

I'm 51, I know i'm at risk for type II (my bloodwork up shows it), i'm in menopause and also at risk for HTN and elevated cholesterol. let's throw in bone mass too.

I have too much at risk not to do cardio and lift wts. I'm protecting myself and feel much better...and i'm determined to see my waist again. (and i have terrible vanity issues~but that's superficial)

but it's because I want to.....not because someone is pushing me. it's the same with pushing your child to lose weight....for all the right reasons, but they resent it.

meowee · 07-08-2008, 05:40 PM

I agree . . . she has to be the one who wants to do it. Having said that, of coursse, it would be inspirational to see that you had managed to lose the weight you want to lose, but only if you never try to tell her how to do it, unless she asks, of course.

JayEll · 07-08-2008, 06:36 PM

It's wonderful that you care about your mom's health. But, sad to say, sometimes that concern kinda comes off the wrong way...

Reverse the roles for a moment in your mind. Suppose she were always after you to lose weight. Wouldn't that get to be just a bit much? Wouldn't you be tempted to say, "Mom, I'm an adult now, I can make my own decisions"?

All you can really do is work your own weight loss program, and if she shows an interest, encourage her. (Note: If she shows an interest.)

With you living so far away, it would be nice if when you visit you can enjoy your time with her instead of pestering her about her weight. It sounds like in the past, that was what happened to some extent.

Don't become someone who makes her feel bad about herself. She probably feels bad enough without your help... Love your mom, and help her if she wants it, but only then.

Jay

the slim me · 07-08-2008, 09:16 PM

It's wonderful that you love your mom and want to help her stay healthy, but no one can do that for you. And even loving suggestions sound like critism and will probably not help at all.

In the mean time, You said you were over weight. Your mom didn't get to that weight all at one time. She got there one pound at a time. if you don't do something about your weight, is your child going to be saying the same thing one day?

Care about yourself as much as you care about your mom. Take this opportunity to start eating right and getting healthy. maybe it will be an inspiration to her.

MalibuBeachBound · 07-08-2008, 10:03 PM

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CountingDown · 07-08-2008, 11:46 PM

I think you can help your mother in a supportive way, without being too pushy. Not knowing your Mom, I don't know for sure what will help, but some things that have worked for me (with my mom, or my kids helping me)
1. Share ideas that have worked for you - not suggesting that she do them - only sharing how happy you are that you finally learned xxx - particularly small lifestyle changes - things like - Wow - I never realized I could substitute xxx for xxx. Wow, parking at the far end of the mall parking lot actually gave me a .25 mile walk each way. etc.

When my mom said she struggled to get in her exercise, I bought her WATP videos (geared for her fitness level). Whe really enjoys them.

Remind your mom in subtle ways how much her being around is important to you (and your family). Don't do it in an obvious way, but those gentle reminders do help us "Moms" realize that we do need to take control of the situation. It is one little pebble that - combined with the others - will help affect change.

But, realize - she has to want it - you can't do it for her - and nagging will only make it worse. Subtle, supportive, loving, tactics only.