Hi all: I'm desperate for a little support with a problem I have. The problem is my husband. He sabotages my diet left and right. The only time I have success is when he's on a diet too. I've tried reasoning with him, pleading, cajoling. Don't suggest I trade him in, he has so many good qualities. I don't know if he just likes to eat with me or if he's somehow threatened if I lose weight. I've tried everything except resorting to trickery. How about some suggestions for trickery? A couple of times I've even thrown out what he brought me when he turned his back. I'm the kind of person who can stick to her diet IF the food isn't staring me right in the face. When it's in the house or sitting right in front of me, forget it! Help!!!! Please!!!!
what exactly does he do?? is he buying you crappy foods??? grrr.... he is supposed to be supportive!! hmm... put the food out of reach... for me its out of site out of mind. or if i have to work at getting it... it gives me more time to think about it all... (if that makes sense) hehe you could always decided to do the grocery shopping and buy foods that would sabatoge his bad diet lol. (or sabatoge something he *loves* doing)nothing but good foods that hed have to cook to make instead of popping in the micro. ... have you tried just talking to him about it? im sure you have... but has he always been like this? cuz it looks like youve lost 22 lbs which is awesome.... so you must be doing something right. i am sorry to hear he is being a jerk. i hope it gets better for you!
Those are pretty funny! At least I'm having a laugh about it! What he does is bring me lunch over to work (2 filet'o fish, large fries and a pie, or two) or go out and buy 2 big subs and bring them home. Or we'll be driving around and he'll say "I'm hungry, I'm stopping for fish and chips." I'll say I don't want any. He'll come out with a big bag of stuff and start eating in front of me and I'll say "Give me a fry." Because I'm weak when it's in front of me and he say "I bought you your own dinner." If it was just once in awhile it would be okay but it's 2-3 or even four times a week. It wrecks what I've accomplished by myself. When my mom comes up about once a month it's more of the same (she's only 92 pounds). What's with people who love you? I don't get it.
i admit that i have gotten more snarky as i age, but i think i would confront them with something such as...."if you really loved me, you would be concerned about my health. my current weight is not a healthy weight, and i want to be healthy. i will lose the weight with or without your support, but i would rather have your support. if my weight loss brings up other issues or concerns for you, we need to sit down and talk about it."..............
hth,
cheryl
I'd do what jazzbo suggests, but you might also try getting out early for lunch, before he shows up, and go have something healthy. And if he brings something home, head straight out for your own dinner...don't even stop to smell what he brought. As for him stopping and eating grease in front of you, get a healthier selection from their menu (everyone has salads) and fill up, then taste a fry and bite of grease battered fish, but you'll be full and won't be tempted to eat a lot of it.
Maybe he feels threatened by your weightloss. Many men do when their spouse decides to lose weight. Not just men but friends, sisters, brothers, parents, etc. I'm thinking he thinks a "new you" would change the relationship you have with him. I've found that people like things to stay the same. Have you tried talking to him about it? Tell him you appreciate him bringing you lunch but that it would be nice if he'd bring you something more appropriate for your diet. If he needs to lose weight too you could try to get him to eat right with you. Make it fun.... say.... whoever loses the most weight every week has to wash the dishes or vacuum or whatever.
I'm the same way BTW. If the food isn't there I'm fine, I won't go get it but man - if there's fudge in the house there won't be for long
How about what ever he brings for you to eat....eat only half. Save the rest for another time or offer it to him.
I had lost some weight before by just cutting what I would normally eat by half rather than change everything. (of coarse I did add lots more healthier foods too, just didn't stop everything) It helps. You don't feel deprived either.
Men are strange creatures arent't they? Maybe suggest to him that you want him to join you in your efforts to get into a healthier lifestyle. And suggest going to the gym together or walking together. Let him know that you want to be healthier so you can live a long life with him and you would like him to be healthy too. Doing it together can make you closer.
Now if he's doing this because he thinks it's a way to control the situation, then that's a whole different story! (I've gone through that myself)
I hope he comes around and realizes that you're serious about all this and starts to be more supportive.
I just found this website, and I'm Sooo jazzed! I'm dealing with diet sabotage issues as well. After announcing, for the umpteenth time, that I'm going on a diet, my husband went to the grocery store and brought home cookies! Not even the kind he likes, but the kind he knows I'll gobble up. Something like this happens each and every time I try to lose weight... and I really need to, as I have major health issues.
I look forward to all the advise and help this message board can give me... because its going to be tough going it alone, especially with my spousal "support."
Weight: 215 Height: 5' 10" Health problems: Kidney Transplant, family
history (maternal) diabetes & heart disease
Ideal weight: 150 - 160
mine was doing this.. He is dieting along with me at home.. then doing stuff like bringing home candy.. pulling into fast food restaurants on our day off.. bringing home Pizza.. ya know.. the basic diet sabotage.. I finally had a heart to heart with him and just told him.. ya know I'm really unhappy that I'm struggling so much with my weight and I just have to have your support if I'm going to make it.. I quit waiting for him to walk with me and started going for walks alone.. I quit eating the garbage he brings home.. If he pulls into a fast food restaurant I order a healthy choice.. side salad etc. or I just sip my coffee and let him do his thing.. at first it's hard but you can do it. He is bringing home less and less.. Make sure you have healthy alternatives available.. he brings home sweets.. eat strawberries and fat free whipped cream instead.. He brings home fast food.. just don't eat it. He will get the message in time.. I also go through this at work with my office mates bringing in krispy kremes etc. I came in yesterday and someone had put a big chocolate truffle on my desk.. I gave it to the clean up guy..
You can do this with or without his support.
Hugs!
You've gotten some great advice. I absolutley agree that you should talk to him - FIRMLY if necessary.
Short of that, you will have to stick to your guns and turn the food down. Part of a successful weight loss journey is redefining how you see food and what is "good." I KNOW that is so much easier said then done. Believe me, I used to be the worst junk food junkie ever. But, if you can just muster up the will power to refuse the food a couple of times it does get easier. As a matter of fact, I can barely stand to drive past a fast food place because that greasy smell is gross to me now.
There is an emotional element to this situation because it is your husband who is tempting you and that may make it harder. But, you are going to face plenty of other temptations in restaraunts, parties, picnics, lunch meetings, etc. So learning to say no despite a watering mouth is going to be crucial to your success.
Try always having an alternative on hand. When he drops by your work with unhealthy fare you can say, "No thanks, I'm having...". If you can do that a few times he may give up. If nothing else maybe he'll get tired of wasting all of that money!
Have you tried making your own lunch to take to work? That way you'll have something healthy and good on hand when he shows up in his evil twin disguise.
carla has a good idea there.. if he sees you packing a lunch everyday he will be less apt to bring you lunch.. I think too he might feel threatened by your loss.. like if you lose weight will you still want him..
This is a tricksy situation. I know for a while my sweetie was sabotaging my efforts--unintentionally. We were used to eating junkie foods or using food to celebrate etc. We've talked about it and this isn't an issue anymore for me but one of the things I suggest to you is, in addition to packing your lunch and other stuff that's been suggested... propose other things he can do for you to be nice. Because, buying food for someone is a way of taking care of them (however unsupportive the choices might be) so maybe suggest NON FOOD treats that you'd like. So, you could tell him, instead of food how about roses, or it would be fantastic if you could bring me home some yummy lotion instead of fish and chips... If he tells you he is stopping by a restaurant you can ask him to bring home a salad for you, or a kid size meal. This might help. Talk with him openly as others suggested and explain that he is indeed sabotaging your efforts to be slimmer and healthier!
Ultimately it's up to you to not allow your efforts to be sabotaged. Plan ahead, take your lunch with you, eat before he gets home with fish and chips, have healthy snacks with you at all times... you can also plan ocassions when you will indulge and tell him when that time is. That way you can enjoy the less healthy options with him and avoid derailing your efforts. IT could also give you something to look forward to, a fun Date! It makes it easier sometimes to know that it's not that you'll never eat that stuff together, it's just going to be a treat rather than routine!
He can only sabotage your efforts if you allow him to. So, unfortunately the burden of responsibility is on you. If he persists in bringing home the chips, find a way to resist them. Stop thinking of it as depriving yourself of those foods. You are making healthier choices and you can refuse to let those foods control you. After a while of not eating greasy fried foods, many people lose their taste for them, I know I have. I'm not saying I don't crave fries once a month but for the most part,they just taste like fried fatty fat. Yuck! LOL
After announcing, for the umpteenth time, that I'm going on a diet, my husband went to the grocery store and brought home cookies! Not even the kind he likes, but the kind he knows I'll gobble up.
If a serious talk with him about your health issues (ask if he wants you around a long time or is trying to get rid of you by buying those cookies) doesn't sway him, then ruin the cookies...in front of him. Dump something goopy on them, make them trash, then...throw them in the trash. He'll get tired of throwing money away eventually.
Sabotage Challenge
Diet Sabotage
but for the most part,they just taste like fried fatty fat. Yuck! LOL 
