I broke abstinence Friday. I don't count days, but it was about 2 weeks since my last binge.
I have a tendency to think, when I'm in that dangerous thinking mode, that "one day here and there won't hurt me" meaning my weight loss efforts. Please, speak to how the one day will hurt me
It happened because I took the treacherous first bite. DD offered me one of her goldfish crackers, and I ate it. That quickly became me deciding to eat more goldfish, alot of SF ice cream, nuts, strawberries.... Thank God there was no sugary stuff in the house, and DD was in bed so I couldn't leave to get something. That would have made everything alot worse.
I felt horrible afterward. Stuffed, and sad of course. Yesterday was pretty sad too but I'm feeling emotionally/spiritually normal again today. Still feeling a little GI irritation...
Yesterday I was tempted when MIL brought pudding for dessert, but I called someone and went to an online meeting. I'm seeing that if I will actually use the tools, it will help it to pass. So I'm grateful to have been abstinent yesterday.
Continued the binge yesterday I felt hungry all day, I think it was physical but know I can't be sure about that. Eventually, even after a call to my sponsor, ate. alot.
Thanks Ellis. I'm doing better. Yesterday I did alot of writing, and though I didn't find anything big that was bothering me I did cry some about my fear of step 5, and after that I felt better, serene again. Whew!
Had a binge day myself today. The only good think was that i realized it was a binge.
AND I know why i binged i was so dissapointed in my son i have a 15 year old i am not getting through to.
And i have a head cold and i do not like my job this week and the list goes on and on.
I am going to my first meeting next Wednesday. I am scared i donot want to fail again
Jane, we're here for you, sweetie.
It's wonderful that you acknowledged the binge for what it was! That's a huge step!!
I think one of my biggest problems (and I'm sure this is common for many of us) is that I let my troubles overlap each other. For instance, if I'm anxious about something, I may snap at my children. If I'm tired, I'll eat. Instead of sitting down and thinking, "What's going on here, and what's the best solution," I'll act in an irrational manner.
Once we've acknowledged the problem, we need to learn how to take the time to deal with it on it's own. Without allowing other things to come into the situation. (I'm sorry... I'm completely incoherent here... still working on my first coffee)
Our lives are so rushed that it's difficult to find the time to deal with an obstacle, but we have to make the time. It makes our lives easier in the long run.
When I'm dealing with my own 15 year old, I know that if I don't address a problem immediately, I can quickly "lose her". I can't afford to let that happen, and I've learned to stop everything when I see her becoming angry/anxious/sullen/sad. It's taken a LOT of practice, believe me. And let us not forget the many sessions in therapy...
You take good care of yourself, Jane. Nurture yourself, get rid of the cold, and don't give up! We'll be anxious to hear how things go next Wednesday.
Ellis, you are so wise for one so young! (I am not being sarcastic! I really mean that.)
I've been popping in to this forum a bit because I can certainly relate to binging which I define as major overeating of anything, not just the wrong stuff. I've been overweight since I was in my teens for exactly that reason.
Cacky said "the treacherous first bite" and I agree completely. It can happen to me when I decide to snack on a slice of 100% whole wheat bread with good low fat spread. Sometimes I can demolish half the loaf.
Jane, I'm thinking of OA myself but do have a problem with going to a meeting as any of them are a half hour away. I think I'll just hang out in here for a while.
Ruth, there are online meetings just about every 15 mins (which is nice when you feel a binge coming on!) They are listed on www.oa.org, but not sure where...
I'm sorry I don't stop by here more often...I know I could learn a lot!
I'm with Cacky on the treacherous first bite. In fact, it's often what I think about that starts the binge. Still, I definitely fit into that category of people who think once they blew it a little, they might as well go whole hog (no pun intended).
I hope things are better, Cacky. Remember that food has never really helped and try new things that might.
Thanks for asking Ellis. I'm doing better, slowly. It's probably good for me that I'm not bouncing back so quickly, because it refutes the thinking that tells me "a binge once in a while isn't going to hurt." Well, it ended up not being a one day binge. My head is clearing, and I haven't binged since Tuesday.
(((hugs)))
and thanks for the advice beachgal. Hey, I'm in upstate NY too. Western.
You're right... the food doesn't help. I think I get in a twisted place that I think if I can just eat this one more time and "feel better" then I'll have the strength I need to deal with my addiction. How nutso is that
Cacky, its not nutso at all. I feel the same way. I eat no matter what but I think mostly is I feel so tired and defeated that I think food will give me strength and energy but in reality it makes me more tired. The only thing thats good is the "feeling" of eating itself. Its like the world dissapears when I'm enjoying a good meal. Now thats nutso
Broke Abstinence *food mentioned*
I felt hungry all day, I think it was physical but know I can't be sure about that. Eventually, even after a call to my sponsor, ate. alot.
And let us not forget the many sessions in therapy... 
