Hi Penny,
I was a smaller version of you four years ago. I'd had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy (he's now 14), and was bingeing my way towards ever higher number on the scale. The only thing that kept me under the 200 pound mark was that I exercised almost as compulsively as I ate. I finally scared myself during a vacation when forced inactivity made me even more uncomfortable, and convinced that I was diabetic. I wasn't, but we know the chances are much greater having been diabetic during pregnancy. I'm sure if I hadn't changed my eating habits, I would be by now.
I didn't do a "baby steps" or easing into a life style. I went cold turkey. I'm an all or nothing person; I knew I had to lose the weight, and do it quickly but in a healthy manner. I followed the SugarBusters diet, and I don't think I cheated for the first 4 months, until close to 50 pounds were gone. I cut out refined food, white flour, white potatoes, any food that contained corn syrup or added sugars in any form, and ate only 2 servings of starchy carbs a day in the form of whole grains. I still continue to eat this way, but now break my food into 5 meals a day. I find I cannot eat sugar or refined carbs. One bite is too many, and 50 aren't enough. It was the only way for me to change. I feel that I saved my life. I couldn't bear to look in mirrors or be in front of cameras, either. I also couldn't bear the psychological warfare I was waging against myself with food as a weapon and a reward.
I've maintained my weight for over 3 years now, and continue exercising. I eat very much the same as when I was losing. I know that the compulsive eating monster is always lurking in the corner, but 99% of the time I can keep it in the corner. It's taken me too long to get here physically and mentally to want to go back again. I couldn't find peace in obesity, and certainly not health.
I hope you find a way to to do this, YOU are worth it and your children need a healthy mother
Mel