After finally reaching my goal weight in October 2004, and feeling like I was the luckiest girl on the face of the Earth, I let myself fall into a period of mild depression where I gained about 10-11lbs.
He was my first. He gave me an incredible sense of confidence, and because of him, I became more outgoing. For the first time in my life, I looked in the mirror and felt pretty. Then he started to ignore me and I had to hear from my friend that he's not interested anymore. This happened around the time that my family relations worsened, to magnify the pain. I started to go out less, and spent many nights writing in my diary about how nobody wants me, and the few people that are in my presence just don't understand me. I don't even want to read those pages over again because...well...it's painful.
My mom started to notice that I've changed. I knew I needed help, because I didn't want to binge and cry anymore.
I've decided that I'm going to move on. I've lost all energy, though. I just mope around the house or sit around campus. I'm in no mood to exercise or diet. But really, the only way I can recover my confidence is if I lose weight, because no guy is going to make me feel better about myself.
I'll just take it a few steps at a time. I'll use this thread to post my feelings and progress. Thanks for listening, and feel free to post. Support is much appreciated.
Hello there!
I know that you know that nobody should tell you how you should feel about yourself. But I also know that it is hard to beleave in yourself if nobody beleaves in you. Same here
But! I think that we can regain our selfesteem. First good thing is to move, walk or whatever as much as you can. I am walking around the city every day, and now, after 2 weeks I feel so much better. I didnt lose weight because I was not on a diet, but I feel mentaly better, more confident. I would not beleave it if i didnt try it! Try to do something like that (you dont have to take a step class, or swimming, walking is enough!).
I didnt buy a monthly ticket for public transportation this month just to make myself walk. You wolud not beleave the result.
(Forgive my spelling, english is not my native language)
Hey there! Sounds like a pretty rough time for you, but remember, everything changes and this will, too.
Depression is a terrible thing because it saps the motivation to do what you want to do. It's normal to feel depressed and sad after breaking up with someone, but if it is dragging on for a long time, you might want to see a doctor--there are some good SHORT TERM medications that can help you get past the hardest part and get going again. I don't like pills, but sometimes some help is appropriate.
I am glad to read that you have made a conscious decision to move on. It is the first step to getting back on track. But, JayEII is right. If you can't get over this hump you need to see your doctor. And while situational depression doesn't ALWAYS need to be medicated as Lottie has pointed out there are times that it is called for. But only you and your doctor can make that determination. Your post reads as though you've suffered at least spurts of depression in the past. So, even if this bout of depression was brought on by an outside trigger (as opposed to a chemical imbalance) doesn't mean that you shouldn't seek help if you need it.
Point is right - get outside even if it is by yourself. It will make you feel mentally better. Isolation can only prolong the way you feel. And as for the 11 lbs? You can do it. And if that is what you need to do in order to regain your self esteem, there is no better time to start than right now.
Good Luck and I hope your days are brighter soon.
Ok, lets get back on the wagon together. I understood every last word you wrote and believe me, I have been there. We are so similar and this time lets really do something for ourselves.
I have had an uplifting sense of energy in the eating department and really want to be healthy. Once this terrible cold is gone I will continue with regular workouts and today I tracked my intake on fitday.com. I never used to like fitday because I found it kind of pointless but I wanted to see where my calories were coming from and its really cool once you get used to it!!
Anyways, MissyK, please, lets help each other. You have always been my greatest inspiration and I really need your guidance and motivation. I am dedicated this time, I am not making excuses this time and finally I am ready to do what it takes.
How did you do today? I would love to hear no matter what happened. If things didn't go your way, remember, we can always fix it or if you did amazing than I can just cheer you on girl!!!
Today went like this:
B: Peaches n Cream oatmeal
L: Honey mustard ham sandwich
S: muffin (OH NOOOO) and yogurt
S: coffee
I haven't had dinner yet, but I don't think I should eat for the rest of the day. The problem was I had my lunch about one hour after my breakfast, so I was too hungry to wait until dinner, which is at 8pm. Gosh.
Actually, a part of me really wants to get sick. I haven't been sick for quite a while, but as I recall, when I'm sick, I lose my appetite. I SO need that right now.
I was just thinking about you and the difficulty you are having in trying to get back to your goal weight.
I started by analyzing your current diet, or rather, what you tend to eat in the course of a day. Now, by no means am I going to criticize what you choose to eat because I am no one to make a judgment call considering what I sometimes eat. But, at looking over the food groups, some are very much understated. My logic is this - when your body doesn't get all the nutrients it needs it will continue to make you feel hungry even if you have just ate, say, a muffin (high in refined carbs usually, little protein, and sometimes high in fat).
I don't want to reiterate information that I know you know, but sometimes we forget these things and it could be holding us back.
When we binge on high fat or high sugar foods it is usually because of a lack of nutrition which your body perceives as a famine. Therefore, increasing the nutritional density could help curb those overeating cycles.
I am just as much of a Starbucks lover as you, but I propose we slow that habit down. Let me re-phrase that. There is nothing wrong with it especially because we drink it the low fat way. The problems arises when we use it as a meal replacement. You end up still hungry, out of say 200 calories that could leave us full if it was instead a salad, chicken breast and slice of whole wheat bread - you know?
I am thinking this for you - INCREASE the amount of veggies and fruit you eat. Before every meal now I have either a salad or before breakfast an orange or apple. It really helps round out the meal, makes me more satisfied and fills you up.
To sum it up, I think sticking to the boring, healthy foods may make a big difference. I will if you will................
Hm, I think you're right, Cyndy. I guess I always knew that my diet was lacking in nutrition, but I just needed someone to tell it to me. I eat carbs because it makes me feel lighter. Whenever I have protein during the day, I feel like I'm on Atkins again. I've never had a salad as a meal before. Surprising, huh? I always wonder if it's filling, since it's so low in calorie.
As for today, I woke up at 6am to do my English essay, so I was clearly too busy to worry about eating.
B: peaches and cream oatmeal (140)
L: chicken teriyaki and rice (400)
S: grapes, 2 arrowroot cookies (150)
D: vermicelli, sausages (600)
I also had coffee. I'm going to take your advice and kick the coffee addiction...starting tomorrow. I read somewhere that coffee makes you crave sugar, anyway.
I have a question. I've noticed that when people lose weight, they eliminate white rice. Does it prevent weight loss because it causes surges in our insulin levels? It's one thing I can't live without, because I love sushi TOO much!!!
Well, it looks like so far you are doing really well. Congrats! You seem to be back on track and not binging. As far as having a salad for a meal - I wouldn't either! It surely would not be filling enough, unless it was one with chicken or hard boiled eggs and some pita bread or something! I usually just have a salad to start with if I can, to fill up on some healthy stuff first.
As for myself, well, I am trying but still eating too much most days. Not binging necessarily but when I feel hungry I just can't help but eat most times because if I don't I start to feel nauceous (sp?). However, that usually brings my calories up to like 1800...so I dunno...Just gotta keep trying I guess.
Too much white rice isn't good, but the trick is to eat it with other foods such as protein foods, so that the carb absorption is slowed down. Sushi is good that way because it has protein but is generally low fat. The trick is not to go overboard with it (like so often is the case). For example, if you like California roll, just stop with six pieces. That plus miso soup should be enough for a good meal. Or if it's dinner, you could have all-tuna sashimi, and limit the amount of rice. 1/3 to 1/2 cup of cooked rice is all you need at a meal.
One of the hard things is learning to be satisfied without feeling STUFFED.
Thanks, Jay. I'll keep that in mind. Actually, I only had 6 pieces of california roll for lunch today, so i'm pretty pleased with myself.
I definitely feel alot better today, compared to last week! I had a 3 course meal at a hotel restaurant on Granville Island on Saturday, but I didn't stuff myself. Besides, those expensive restaurants charge you lots but feed you little ^.^
Then, I worked on Sunday and had a huge lunch, finishing off the day with a small, high protein dinner of crab meat and mayo.
So far today, I've had:
B: oatmeal
L: california roll
and coffee.
Great job at the hotel restaurant 3-course meal!!!
Don't worry about the coffee addiction too much - hey we can't take away everything we like I guess just as long as you are eating healthy a coffee or two a day won't hurt.
I LOVE california rolls!!! I usually buy them in the package that is made fresh everyday at the grocery store and it comes with 6 pieces. Could you give me an estimate on calories? I have no idea but have always wondered...
I have been doing surprisingly very well!! Yesterday I just decided that I am going to do it - I saw a picture and thought, no, no more like this. And today carried on super well. I am very proud hehehe. Just trying to avoid eating anymore before bed, and it seems when you put your mind to it everything else takes a back seat and you just do what you have to do.
Hey cyndy! I just came back from Cactus Club, and I had the Ahi Tuna, which is just grilled rare tuna on wild rice and beans! VEry healthy! I feel so good about myself, it's unbelievable!
California rolls, the last time I checked are 250 to 350 calories. I calculate on my own as well like this: about 3/4 cup rice=150cal avocado=75cal, mayo=100cal crab meat=20cal for a total of 345 cals! Well, that's how the restaurant I work at makes it.
Oh I'm so not in a good mood right now. I have been doing really well the past two days and then today comes along. I am so stressed because of the insane amount of work I have to do for school, I feel like I can't handle it. The only thing that has kept me happy was that I was eating so well. But the hunger just took over and I decided I wouldn't eat after my mini binge. So since 1 pm I didn't really eat anything - wasn;t hungry. But at 7pm I came home and made low fat popcorn, ate the WHOLE bag, and had chocolate kisses why why why...oh and a nectarine.
Sorry for feeling all the self-pity but it sucks. I found out I got an award from school today which should make me happy, but it's like it just adds to the stress. The only good part is for my bank account.
Well, I guess tomorrow is a new day and I can pick it up from there. I apologize again for complaining but my frustrations are just sky high right now. Thank you for listening. MissyK, I hope you had a great day, though!!!
Getting back on the wagon.
why why why...oh and a nectarine.
