Romance????? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Annie-Rose · 09-21-2004, 01:01 PM

Hi, I feel silly putting this in but I need a bit of wisdom and a lot of encouragement!
I have a terrible relationship track history, really awful and I've kind of 'shut' romantic relationships out in the past few years, some of it has been to do with being overweight and insecure etc.
Well, at work there's this man and I have to work with him a lot, he's good fun and we laugh a lot and he's gorgeous. Well I never thought in a month of Sundays that he'd be attracted to me (loads of other women like him) but it seems that he may be! (AAAAAH!) He asked me out for drinks (in front of others) and I just said no. I don't know why I said no. I was just scared. I know I sound pathetic but I was thinking what will his friends think of my size? what if he puts his arm around me and feels how big I am and doesn't like me?
Some of us are going out at the weekend so I thought I could ask him along. I just feel a bit scared. I'm scared he'll reject me. The thing I hate the most is that if one of you were writing this I'd be saying 'Go for it! Size doesn't matter' but I just have a hard time believing it about myself. What's that all about? I have amazing friends and never consider my weight with them.
Phew, I've written this about 3 times over the past few days and then not posted it. Thanks for reading and if anyone can shed any light on the situation I'd be most greatful.

nelie · 09-21-2004, 01:21 PM

Honestly, its not like your size is a secret to him, he can tell. He knows you, knows what you look like and it is quite possible that he likes you. I'm not really one to talk because my weight has always made me shy and insecure and even when I was dating someone, I couldn't understand why they would want to date me. Anyway, it is going out, it is not like going to the prom or something. If he says no, then so what? If he says yes, then you may have a good time.

Samantha2002 · 09-21-2004, 01:22 PM

I say, go for it. The only person that seems to be concerned about your size is you. This man has apparently gotten to know the real you, the person that you keep inside, and he likes her!!! Besides, how would you feel if 5 years down the road you look back and say "what if I had gone out with him?" AND, he already asked you out, so that takes half of the pressure off!!!! OMG...I love new romance!!! GO OUT WITH HIM!! (Especially if he is cute lol)
Let us know how it goes!!

Jen · 09-21-2004, 02:17 PM

I don't think that size matters either and if you are getting the feeling that he would like to go with you then why not? However since you've rejected him once in front of other people when he asked you out for drinks I would approach him in a way so that he doesn't reject you just because he had hurt feelings. Maybe you could try saying, sorry I couldn't get together for drinks the other day, kind of took me by surprise, maybe we could get together this weekend...?

lessofsarahtolove · 09-21-2004, 02:21 PM

Aww, you sweetie pie.....I can completely understand! And I can relate to being able to dish out all kinds of wise perspective-based advice and then being all "skewed up" when it comes to yourself! I have been with my partner for 6 years now, and I can say that it took an act of naked courage to go out with her initially because I couldn't imagine what she could see in me -- and that was at about 180 pounds (about a hundred pounds less than what I grew to during our relationship!)

The thing is, you just need to understand this: You are clueless. Your perspective, in the areas of your appearance and desirability, is, um, WACKED! You are not to be trusted when it comes to this. I say this with love.

If the man wants to take you out for drinks, then do NOT, under any circumstances, second guess his judgement. He knows far more than you about both your attractiveness to him and your potential as good company!

Go, go, go, girl. You deserve to have some fun, and you deserve to flirt and enjoy a man's company. I say invite him -- and next time he invites YOU out, say bugger off to those evil voices................and say, "Yes, that sounds great, thanks!" to the man. Practice it.

And congratulations, you vixen!

tolose85 · 09-21-2004, 02:46 PM

Alright... Here's what you MUST do!! Ask him out for drinks. Go ahead.... Ask him out! Just think of what you could be missing if you don't. So what if after the date it doesn't go as well as you'd have liked it to. It could very well end up being wonderful, the best time you ever had in your entire life and then next thing you know you've been dating for a year and he's asked you to marry him!! ok well I might be getting a little ahead here but you see where I am going with this right?
Go for it! Go for it! Go for it! Youre beautiful!

Charbar · 09-21-2004, 03:08 PM

I just love LOVE!!
Go for it - go for it .. go for it!!

Please PLEASE don't belittle yourself. If you do - your worst fears will come true.
Trust me, men loved to be asked out like woman do.

I've asked men out before - it has given me a new respect for when they ask us out!
Live your life the way you dream it - or your dreams will never come true.

Dana

jiffypop · 09-21-2004, 03:53 PM

go ahead. be brave. you KNOW he likes you on at least SOME level. otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out for drinks.

do it privately - and a lot of the strategy depends on the tone/reason you gave for turning him down the first time [i'm sorry - i wasn't thinking - i had plans the NEXT night but i got confused.] [could we reschedule those drinks? i'd love to sit down and talk to you about ..... ]

[i'm so sorry i couldn't go out with you the other night, and the really sad thing is that my plans were canceled at the last minute so i could have gone after all!!!]

you'll think of something...

PS. this is SOO MUCH MORE FUN than working!!!!

lessofsarahtolove · 09-21-2004, 04:53 PM

at Jiffypop! I hear you, sister!

Annie-Rose · 09-21-2004, 05:30 PM

You are right. Watch this space. I'll let you know. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Annie-Rose · 09-21-2004, 05:32 PM

obviously there's a time difference - Its 10.38 pm here so I'll have to do it tomorrow.
Did I mention his lovely bum?

jkfla · 09-21-2004, 08:34 PM

awwww i'm feeling all giddy for you! LOL this is so sweet and cute!
i say go for it and OMG i can't wait to hear an update!!!!!!

jiffypop · 09-21-2004, 08:55 PM

you mean... we have to be PATIENT????? annie.. ya gotta let us know early... i'm leaving the office for a business trip tomorrow afternoon.. i GOTTA know before i leave... please.. i'm living vicariously here.

Samantha2002 · 09-21-2004, 10:19 PM

I'm with everyone else!!! We need an update very very soon!!!

djs06 · 09-21-2004, 11:37 PM

I agree with everyone! He likes you. He's not going to reject you. Just explain that you were flustered/having a bad day/out of it, and you really would like to go out sometime. and like they say above, do it privately, it's much less daunting.

can't wait to hear the update!