[Flower_storm]

Moment of truth the weight in.

Went and weight today 365.lbs

Which means I have gained 39 pounds since the last time I weight in.

So depression.

The reason I let myself weight in, is that going to try and go cold turkey on chocolate.

I don’t weight in usual cause I freak out if I have lost weight. Yep I am nuts.

And beside i want to know where i was starting at. Know I am going to do it this time. Going to take time but i am not giving up.

[Sheila53]

I'm glad you got the courage to weigh in. Now you know where you're starting from, and you're only going down from here.

The freaking out if you lost weight really isn't that nuts, but it does have an emotional component. Here's my take on it, which I learned because I had the same problem. Although you hate it, you're comfortable with your fat and it protects you, and when you see yourself letting go of that protection, it can be quite scary. In fact, you can get quite panicky about it. I hope that you'll post here or talk to someone when you get those feelings because they can be overwhelming. I'm not trying to scare you, but hopefully let you know that others have been there, too, and we've still managed to succeed (or partially succeed as in my case) on this journey.

[jiffypop]

oh flowerstorm... you've taken a major step here. breathe. it's ok. you'll be fine. it's best to know the reality of what you're dealing with.

as for the freaking out when you lose weight... oh yes... i always feel like i'm disappearing!!! so i've had LOTS of work to do on that one... and decided that being strong would help me with it. so that's the major big reason i've been using weights.

you will find your own path. i promise.

[bella23]

I know what you mean. I just went to the doctors today for a repeat pap and ended up weighing 294 that is up from the last time I weighed in. It is a true bummer!!! I don't know if mine is from doing more of a work out or if it is just from gaining wieght. But either way it sucks.

Any way, don't let it get you down. Just keep working.

You're so courageous... I know you can do this too!!

[Step]

Good for you for being brave enough to take the first step. You should be very proud!! You CAN do it ... one baby step at a time.