[flower123]

Hi
I am in maintence. I hope it is okay to be writing here. Because I always run the risk of putting those pounds back on. Its a constant threat and battle to keep that hundred pounds from creeping back on yet again.

I have been feeling even more depressed lately. Grief pain etc seeping in. Death of brother earlier this year. An expereince with a therapy situation which I had wanted to work out. But I had to terminate it because I could not progress as quickly in the 12 weeks as she needed me to. Panic attacks ensued when she told me she hoped I would have made more progress. She did not return my phone call when I had to cancel (5 days in advance) and asked her to call me to reschedule. There was more. But it was hard because I tried SO hard to be the perfect client working so hard. And trying to be so productive.

Sorry for the rant. The end result is grief has hit me even harder, re my brothers passing. ( He passing was a profound loss for reasons i will not bother to go into) And therapy just did not work out. End result, the pain of wanting to calm aka self medicate with food. Just wanted to write this out here. Maybe someone can relate to some part of it. Trying to fight the urges to go out now and get food to calm. In my experience, the feeling gets stronger as the hours progress. Even at 5 in the morning. Any suggestions would be gratefully accepted. Thanks

[JayZeeJay]

Flower, I don't have any words of my own that are good enough but here is one of my favorite quotes. Stay strong, believe in yourself and keep posting if it helps. Your 3FC friends are here to support you.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller

[flower123]

Thanks for the great response JayZeeJay. Helen Keller, so inspiring. And the words, no less inspiring and true. I so appreciate you taking the time to write them.

The need for something was relentless. But I was fortunate that I managed to do damage control in the form of a compromise 180 calories worth of nice fuzzy old fashioned peaches. They did their lofty job of filling me.

[3positivesaday]

Flower,

First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. I can't imagine losing a sibling.

I know all too well trying to use food as a comfort. I'm both of us know deep down, it rarely works that way. For me, it only makes me feel worse in the aftermath when the worst feelings have eased a bit.

I hope that you will find another therapist. It's often said that it can take more than one try to find the right person to talk to. I've never really heard of someone saying there had to be a certain amount of progress within a time frame. Grief is a hard thing to work through and I'm not sure why she's giving you 3 months. (Maybe there's an insurance limit or something, I don't know.) I would suggest finding another person to talk through.... your mental health is worth it!

Best of luck to you.