I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. One where I do not feed myself crap excuses over why I haven't gone to the gym, or tell myself I will just have this one cookie, and I'll start counting tomorrow.
I am 251 lbs and this is the heaviest I have been in my life. My knees hurt all the time, yet I would just explain it away as arthritis...Simple activities like bending over or squatting to pick something off the floor become a hassle and make me wonder if anyone notices I have to go off to the side so I can bend that far since my belly is in the way. I maintained a healthy weight between 150-155lbs before my first pregnancy. After I had my son I was about 190 lbs., and I dropped about 17 lbs, over three years then got pregnant for my second son. I did not gain much during the pregnancy, I was 201 lbs when I went into the hospital to have him, however two weeks after giving birth, I was 218 lbs...while nursing. I was disgusted and depressed, and my baby was miserable and sick, which made me want to just shove more calories down my gullet.
Well my youngest son is now 7 years old, I am no longer suffering from the baby blues, and my only obstacles are 1. My ability to procrastinate 2. cutting sweets out of my daily diet 3. becoming active. Three is the hardest for me because I feel embarrassed by my weight. My whole life before kids I was fit, without having to do much for it or so I thought; the reality was I was super active, I used to walk a mile every other day to a fishing whole with a bucket for if I caught anything, I would spend a couple of hours doing that and carry that back, then my husband and I would go four wheeling and hike all the time. We would wrestle every night for at least 30 minutes. After having kids all that changed. My son became the focus for both of us, I had a hard time feeling comfortable in my skin and eventually that took a toll on my marriage. I have been divorced for 3 years now.
But I have my **** together finally. I accept responsibility for how I got here, but I feel a bit intimidated by the journey ahead. I went to the gym for the first time tonight since signing up 3 weeks ago. I sat in my car for 15 minutes and finally just went in and spent 40 minutes between the treadmill and a stationary bike. I want to do some weight training but I really want to talk to a trainer and get the most out of my workout and learn how to use the machines
I was so overwhelmed walking up the stairs to enter the gym and felt nerves like nobodies business, but after 10 minutes walking I just tuned everything out and was just focusing on not falling flat on my face when I felt a burn in my calves. I wanted to quit but I endured and kept going, I just kept saying I will do 2 more minutes, after I did 20 minutes I didn't feel like my legs were falling off but they did feel heavy.
Does anyone have any tips on how to pace myself and get over the feeling that everyone is watching my *** jiggle and snickering to themselves? I kept telling myself if they are looking at me so what, if I hate being the fat lady I have to do this, if I quit I will never be where I want to be.
Im just starting out and new to this site
I just smile.
