[seabiscuit]

Hi,

I'm wondering how others have experienced online dating, I am debating going back to ok Cupid, my last experience wasn't so hot, I was falling for a scam, I'm glad I didn't get more burned emotionally. Are there other free sites that are more reputable? I'd like to meet someone, or at least try. Thanks!

[PatLib]

OK Cupid is best in term of free service. If you block someone or file a complaint they are pretty on top of it. Obviously being free there is less oversight but if you can afford it than eHarmony or Match is better, they have fraud team that does something no site does background checks but they are more involved in identifying fraud activity.

[DrivenByAmbition]

Met my soon-to-be on okcupid... Only guy I have met online. Just weed through men based on their profiles. Have certain non-negotiables. Make sure to talk on the phone before meeting after chatting online for at least a month.

[Sheena82]

I met my DH on eharmony, he was actually my first date after coming out of a long term relationship. I think they are pretty good! Only person I've ever met on line either, my sister and mum set me up a profile behind my back, best thing they have ever done, I'm stupidly happy, I think eharmony filters are great.

[nonameslob]

If you can afford it, go with a paid site. You're more likely to get someone who is taking dating seriously.

But no matter what, no matter where you meet someone, online or off, you need to protect yourself and your heart. Pay attention to your gut feeling. It's usually right. If you can't trust your gut, then consider having the guy meet a few friends on the second or third date, for example, before you get too far into it, so you can get some honest feedback.

Happy dating!

[seabiscuit]

Thanks for the suggestions!

I'm not sure what my next move will be, I am thinking of trying a different site. A friend of mine thought that people on paid sites take dating more seriously, I'm seeing her tonight so I'll ask her experience before I shell out dough. It seems like a lot of guys on POF and Ok Cupid just want sex, ugh.

[alaskanlaughter]

while i've never been on a dating site, i did meet my DH online through a state chatting area online for locals...i echo what the others said : be careful and safe with your heart and body, get feedback from your friends, move slowly into a relationship, etc...good luck

[Streudel]

I've done both POF and OKC because I just don't have the money. When I did lay out the cash for a 3 month membership to Match, I found it to have just as many scammers.

I think we all get taken in at least once, though I don't necessarily mean getting scammed out of money. But then you start to learn what the red flags are. I try to imagine what would I think of what a man types if they were saying it to me face to face. If I was in a supermarket and a man I just met raved on about how beautiful and sexy I am and how he's looking for a soulmate...I'd run like h311!

Aside from moving too fast, there's also lack of details about himself, no interest in your interests, poor spelling and grammar. Oh, and if he can only get on at "weird hours ", he's married.

The FAQ's about scammers on those sites are very helpful, btw.

My ex-husband is proof to me that losers, liars, and jerks can be found anywhere you care to look, not just the internet. He's also proof to me that if you care about yourself enough not to settle for less than you deserve, then those jerks will filter themselves out because they want a easy mark.

[kisskiss]

I met my current boyfriend on OK cupid. we've been dating almost a year, and I'm about the happiest I've ever been . But, I also went on A LOT of dates on okc before I met him. A lot. It's fairly easy to weed out those who just want something else. If they don't want to meet at any point, or if they come on too strong. There are definitely red flags.

But, you're still probably going to have to go on some dates where it just doesn't lead to anything more than friendship. Or, you might get lucky and meet someone right away. Regardless, I think you should give it another try

[nibog]

Next month my husband and I are celebrating our third wedding anniversary. Nearly 6 years together over all and we met on OKCupid.com in 2008. Take it slow, really get to know the person on the other computer before meeting (as much as you can via chat, text, IM, email etc. )

We talked a few weeks before actually meeting and we just *clicked*. It can be great in this day and age where everything is online and people don't go to book shops, coffee shops, cafes etc any more. The bar scene just wasn't for me.

[sacha]

Another vote for paid. Lavalife. Met in January 2008 and together ever since. 2 kids and a dog now too lol

[Quiet Ballerina]

I've tried okcupid, match, and christian mingle.

Christian mingle was only for a month. I put in a LOT of work during that time -- I sent over 60 messages to guys during that month. A lot of the guys I was interested in hadn't logged in for over a month (which made me feel like they had only done a trial too). One very creepy guy (nearly my father's age) messaged me and then sent me a vague threat when I told him that I wasn't interested. I reported it to the website and they did NOTHING.
*side note: I never met anyone from this site in person. One guy was messaging me for nearly the entire time I was on there and he never even hinted at meeting up.

Match was for a year. I had a pretty miserable experience on there too. I was shocked by how many guys on there were only looking for a hookup. During that year, I only went on a handful of dates (at most). This was a few years ago, but recently my roommate tried out match and she didn't have much luck on the site either.

Okcupid was by far the best for me. I've had lots of dates over the years and a few relationships. I definitely get more out of it when I put the work in. I don't wait for guys to message me. I try not to wait too long before meeting them for coffee or for a drink.

If you feel like sharing, I'm curious about what happened with the scam?

[Dybbuk]

I've only tried OKCupid and Match.

I met amazing men from both. From Match, I met two men who were very responsible, respectful and not the least bit 'sex crazed' and looking for a hookup. However (most of the time/not all of the time) you can tell quickly based on the context of the emails/profile if they might be inclined to have sex.

OKC I got waaaaaaaaaaay more messages, but most of them were shallow and you got the feeling people were interested in sex only. I don't think a free service vs a paid service means these guys are taking dating more 'seriously'. I found a guy wanting FWB relationship off match, and one guy who is very serious about LTR's off OKC.

I say give a free service a try, and if you like it but not finding the men you want then see about a paid service. I decided once my Match Sub is up I'm going to focus on using OKC if no one works out.

[seabiscuit]

I feel inspired by a lot of the happy endings! So, I re activated my OK Cupid account. We'll see what happens.

Quiet Ballerina, so the scammer was a guy on OK Cupid pretending to be a military guy. He came on pretty strong, but I was falling for it, we started emailing on our regular emails and he said he was stationed in Iraq, he wanted to come to the states but he wanted me to sign off on papers from the military. The papers were saying that I would be financially responsible for him. So, I called the Army and they told me it was a scam. I was pretty shocked but I reported this to the Army's CID (criminal investigation), and to my police. They couldn't do anything because freakishly enough he wasn't technically breaking the law!!! I spoke to the Army CID officer who was helpful and said that this was definitely a scam and that this 'soldier' didn't exist. It was all a lie.

Anyways, life goes on and I'm glad I didn't fork over any money.

Take care and be careful if you're doing online dating.

Amy

[novangel]

I stayed FAR away from free sites, and had negative experiences with Match.

I met my current BF of 6 years on eHarmony and we're getting married in November. I liked eHarmony the most because it worked very much like a job interview. You had to go through a series of questions and steps before you could talk to each other directly. That weeded out A LOT of people that I didn't waste weeks talking to only to find out they weren't for me. I highly recommend that site.