For those IE'ers out there, have you ever had the compulsion to count calories again, to try deprivation mode again (i.e., were you triggered by some outside influence that made you feel like you HAD to be thinner)?
I am getting triggered into my diet-addiction...need some words of encouragement.
Absolutely all the time. I'm fine for weeks and then I try on some too small pants and think I should just get serious and count calories and I could "be there".
Happens to me as well. When I first started practicing IE I did really well and then just "lost it." I then tried dieting and it was a complete disaster.
I still have some days that I feel like I need to "take off a few pounds" but I know any type of restriction will be disastrous and will likely lead to more weight gain. So although I am tempted from time to time to diet, I now know better.
... I should just get serious and count calories ...
Yup, I know this feeling. Just get serious and get to it! I tell myself because IE feels like a vacation sometimes. I sometimes the red devil on my shoulder says I'm just using IE as an excuse to eat whatever I want.
Turning to a diet is a logical thing to do, everyone does it, it's considered the responsible thing to do and we've done it so many times before that it feels natural. The relationship we have with dieting is not unlike having an abusive childhood - it's all we know, it's all we're destined for or so we think. We must deserve the punishment. I remember the very first time I was confronted with a version of IE... I was looking for a therapist to help me dealing with my ED. I interviewed a few. One in particular I refused immediately after our first session. It was a while ago but she said something to the effect of "let's see what happens if you allow yourself to get a little hungry, what kind of emotions rise up?" I knew immediately I wasn't going there. But it's stayed in the back of my mind until now as something I should have done but it sounded too hard.
Yup, I know this feeling. Just get serious and get to it! I tell myself because IE feels like a vacation sometimes. I sometimes the red devil on my shoulder says I'm just using IE as an excuse to eat whatever I want.
Turning to a diet is a logical thing to do, everyone does it, it's considered the responsible thing to do and we've done it so many times before that it feels natural. The relationship we have with dieting is not unlike having an abusive childhood - it's all we know, it's all we're destined for or so we think. We must deserve the punishment. I remember the very first time I was confronted with a version of IE... I was looking for a therapist to help me dealing with my ED. I interviewed a few. One in particular I refused immediately after our first session. It was a while ago but she said something to the effect of "let's see what happens if you allow yourself to get a little hungry, what kind of emotions rise up?" I knew immediately I wasn't going there. But it's stayed in the back of my mind until now as something I should have done but it sounded too hard.
Thank you all.
Yes, this is so true...**especially** the part about it "being the responsible thing to do." I definitely feel that pull a lot! Especially when I see other people losing loads of weight, as you said in your thread about letting go of diets, which is almost along the same lines I guess, and they are all chirpy about this diet and that weight loss, etc. And I get the pull to get back into control again. It's the pull of the fix almost - like a numbers game, and the fix is to see how low the number can go.
And the part about "let's see what happens if you allow yourself to get a little hungry." Boy, what terror I felt the first time I tried it! I still feel it sometimes. I tried to ask a dieting friend of mine once how she felt when she allowed herself to go hungry, and it was like a deer in headlights, almost like she didn't understand the question. I get that. I didn't understand it at first either, but then I let myself feel the feelings and realized how I was trying to hide.
And now, it's been about 6-7 months, and I've been through a bit of a whirlwind with this. I went through the superficial aspects of feeling what I was feeling instead of shoveling food in, and then it seemed to get deeper, and now the stuff that's coming up is harder than ever. Because I don't have food to placate me, the real me is showing up. And she's not always nice. I'm not sure how to deal with that.
The real you IS nice, she's just defending herself as best she can against the feelings we fear. Being hungry makes incredibly angry. I don't know why, I've never thought if myself or been described as an angry person but there it is. I think it's because it's one of the only emotions that I don't let myself feel, it believe its futile but there it is, suppressed long enough and now I must deal with it.
If you ask a "normal" person what they feel when they're hungry they don't feel anything past hunger, maybe weakness, fatigue, unclear thinking and other issues related to the physiology of needing fuel. People like me? I feel anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness.
Well thank goodness I found a way to take care of myself and comfort myself. Eating may not have been the best solution but its better than substance abuse or reckless behavior or even suicide. Buy I'm better now, I've no need to self console like an adolescent. The feelings I need to tackle are not so daunting anymore. Continuing to comfort myself with food is something I will always do because it works. I just don't need to do it every waking moment lol. Doing so would be like wearing a cast on a healed broken bone. It's almost healed now, I'm just holding it back from bein useful by keeping that cast on it.
If you ask a "normal" person what they feel when they're hungry they don't feel anything past hunger, maybe weakness, fatigue, unclear thinking and other issues related to the physiology of needing fuel. People like me? I feel anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness.
I really related to this statement. Anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness- those are feelings I struggle with all the time and especially when I'm tired or hungry. It makes me feel better to know that there are other people in very different situations that struggle with the same. It makes me think that it's not what's outside that is causing it but what is inside. That gives me hope because I can deal with inside stuff.
I needed to read this thread today. This morning I was reading a story about a man who lost 180 pounds in eight months. Eight months. Now he runs 10 miles a day and looks great. I went to his blog looking to see how he had been eating. He just made a few ambiguous statements about being low carb and cutting out soda.
I think it may be time to unsubscribe from all of the weight loss websites and forums that I haunt except for this one where I know there are IE people to talk to. I lost five pounds last week eating intuitively but I'm starting to suspect that no amount of weight loss in a week will ever be enough to make me feel good about myself. I can't rely on outside factors for that anymore, it has to come from within.
I consider what I'm doing as intuitive eating. I eat a clean, whole food diet, but I am not counting calories and I am not forcing myself to eat food I don't want just because they are "ideal". I have a long history of binge, starve, excessive exercising and even a little laxative abuse at one point several years ago.
Not counting calories is HARD! I can relate to this need to go "back on a diet". And a big trigger is an event! omg, I hate when a future event comes up, especially when I'll be seeing people I haven't seen in a while! I really have to fight the urge to diet. But I can't because once I go down that road, I eat less and less and I feel guilty for every thing I eat, not to mention, the calorie counting is obsessive. I cannot do that again. I hope to go the rest of my life an never count a calorie again.
Its hard to let go of dieting. I don't consider this a diet. I just feed my body well and eat when I need to. And the weight *is* coming off, I weighed 209 lbs at Christmas...I do dread when the weightloss slows because that will make me want to diet too...one step at a time I guess.
Yes! I am experiencing this now too. I've tried so many restrictive diets and while they work for a while (WW in particular, I've been able to lose 30 pounds on in quick order) I always gain back. Always! My binging habits inevitably creep up and get me back.
So I need to let go of restrictive eating. I attempted most recently to cut out sugar and that helped me lose a few pounds but then I had a frenzied binge. Lots of stressful stuff going on, school, car issues, major relationship breakup . Suddenly I couldn't say no to sugar.
And that is the fundamental issue with many diets, I think. They aren't built to last. Whenever you hit a snag there's a chance of "falling off the wagon" but if you were just eating naturally, in an uncontrived style, there'd be no "wagon" to fall off of! That's why I am now eating intuitively, I guess that's as close a description as I can get. I did it M-F last week, NO binges. WOW. It worked! Then Sat. I had a moment where I thought, "I can't have that- it's too many calories." It was a Cadbury Crème Egg (lol). Which I wrestled over in my mind for hours, then gave in and had, then felt guilty, and bought some binge food. You know the routine, perhaps. And had I just allowed myself to eat the darn egg, it wouldn't have happened! Restriction is my major trigger.
Knowing this, I guess I go forward and say "yes" to anything, but I fear so much, that I won't lose weight. I kind of mentally tab calories as I go along. I pick the worst stuff right now, deep fried food for lunch multiple times, etc. But I don't eat when I'm not hungry, no emotional cravings or pangs. So...improvement? Sigh. We shall see.
Knowing this, I guess I go forward and say "yes" to anything, but I fear so much, that I won't lose weight. I kind of mentally tab calories as I go along. I pick the worst stuff right now, deep fried food for lunch multiple times, etc. But I don't eat when I'm not hungry, no emotional cravings or pangs. So...improvement? Sigh. We shall see.
It's a process and you'll have good days and bad days like we all do. The key to understand is not to beat yourself up over what you eat. Remember that you are not hurting anyone, causing a world war to break out, or stealing anything when you eat. It's just food and you ate it, so what? When we feel out of control of our eating it's natural to want to restrict ourselves we think that if we impose rules, count calories, log foods, etc that we are taking control of our eating habits but you know well enough how that turns out... binge festivals!
Take it one day at a time and focus on responding to true hunger, not mental cravings. Eating slowly and mindfully and stop when you're full. It's not possible all the time, but the more you do it the more comfortable you'll feel with it.
"Then Sat. I had a moment where I thought, "I can't have that- it's too many calories." It was a Cadbury Crème Egg (lol). Which I wrestled over in my mind for hours, then gave in and had, then felt guilty, and bought some binge food. You know the routine, perhaps. And had I just allowed myself to eat the darn egg, it wouldn't have happened! Restriction is my major trigger. [/COLOR]"
I can totally relate to the restriction being a major trigger, the more i "attempt" to restrict myself the more i eventually end up eating. I did this same thing over the weekend with Peanut butter cup eggs. i told myself NO, you cant have any. i ended up eating about 10 other "healthier" snacks through the day that did not satisfy the craving and i ended up at the end of the day having the PB cup anyway, if i would have just eating one earlier i could have skipped the 10 extra snacks that even though were healthy were a waste since it was not what i was craving.
Last edited by Mercedes136; 04-22-2014 at 12:07 PM.
IE - Compulsion to return to diets
. Suddenly I couldn't say no to sugar. 